Fish And Chip Jokes

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

So he buys a used Corvette and heads south for warmer weather. About five hundred miles into the trip the Corvette starts to overheat.

He stops in a small town and finds a mechanic to get the issue fixed. The mechanic says he is not going to be able to look at the car for an hour, so the Pen... read more

After dinner he went in the kitchen and asked a guy "Are you the fish friar?" and the guy said "No I'm the chip monk."

I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.

I don't take anything serious in the newspaper, except for fish and chips.

And even that I take with a pinch of salt.

-----------

Did you hear about the fight outside the local fish and chips shop?

The fish got battered.

... One was a Fish Friar, the other was a Chip Monk.

The librarian says, "this is a library."

The man, says, "oh. Sorry." (Then in a whisper) "I'd like some fish and chips."

Both cars got battered!

a battered sole.

...each monastery had a profession, something the monks made that was sold to support the monastery.

As it happened, a man living in London heard about a monastery that made the very best fish and chips. This monastery was in the far north of England, near Leeds. It being the middle ages, t... read more

She is still mad about the names I gave our kids.

A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a live trout under his arm.

"Excuse me, do you sell fish cakes?" he asks.

Looking a little confused, the owner replies, "Yes, of course we do"

"Great" the man responds, smiling at his trout, "It's his birthday."

Now the owner is stuck between a rock and a hard plaice

He strolls up to one guy serving, and with a big grin, asks "Are you the fish friar?"

The guy responds "No, I'm the chip monk!"

An Irishman walks into a Library and asks loudly: "One Fish and Chips please."

The Librarian gives him a confused look and says "Sir, this is a Library."

The Irishman apologises, leans forward and whispers: *"One Fish and Chips please."*

You certainly do, sir. This is a fish and chip shop.

To save money California is combining the Dept of Fish and Wildlife and the Highway Patrol. The new department is called the Department of Fish and Chips.

:)

she was sick of being a battered woman

He sees a monastery and asks for shelter for the night. The monks invite him in. One of them tells him "You are in luck. This is Friday, our fish and chips day. We have the best fish and chips in the realm."

The knight finds that they were right. This was the best fish and chips he has... read more

A young couple on holiday was driving through the English countryside when they approached the gates of a monastery. A sign on the gates announced “Public lunch served daily. Fish and chips our speciality.” The couple were quite hungry and, seeing that the noon hour had just passed, they decided to ... read more

He notices his waitress checking him out, but doesn’t think much of it. Either way, he comes back the next night and orders fish and chips. The waitress says, “Are you sure? You just got that last night.” So instead the man orders salmon. He also thought it was sweet the waitress remembered his orde... read more

Unable to get a signal on his mobile phone, he saw a lit building not far off and made it there just as the car stalled. Getting out of the car, he knocked on the door. A monk in a brown habit opened the door.

"Good evening, brother!" greeted the monk. "What can I do for you?"
"I'm ver... read more

Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she's ever had. After dinner, she goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Micha... read more

..he knocks on the door, and seeing how it's getting late, asks if he can stay for supper. "I've been fishing all day, I've got plenty of fish to share for dinner". The monks let him in, and he has a fantastic supper on fish and chips. He's so impressed, he says "I'm going into the kitchen to find t... read more

And orders fish and chips.

A man walked into a fish and chips shop run by two priests, but only one was out front. He asked, "Are you the fish friar?"

The man replied, "No, I'm the chip monk."

fish AND chips.

... he says to the server, "Hello, I'd like some fish and chips.."

The server says, "We don't serve polar bear here."

The Polar Bear says, "Oh Thank God."

A penguin is driving his convertible along a coastal road. Accelerating through a bend, he hears a “thump” from the engine bay.

It’s not so far to the next town, so he slows down and limps the car to the local mechanic’s workshop.

“I’m a bit busy right now, mate”, says the mechanic. “C... read more

An American man walks into a bar and grabs a seat. While ordering a pint, he can't help but overhear an obnoxiously loud but indiscernible conversation from three massively large ladies down the bar.

The man calls out to them,, "Hey babes, are you from Scotland?"

Quite rudely, one lad... read more

... he looks around with an expression of great surprise at it's existence.

He sees souls getting skewered, souls getting beat up with chains, souls stewing in pans with devils pouring in the oil.

An approaching Demon bellows: "Choose your torture."

"Wait wait! Can I look aroun... read more

...the shop keeper says: "Are you a drummer?" and the guy responds: "Yeah how can you tell?"

The shop keeper responds: "This is a fish and chip shop mate."

First time posting. Sorry for the bad grammar and punctuation.

There were three construction workers an English and Indian and a Chinese. Everyday at 12 o'clock they'd sit down and eat their lunch. They'd been working at this construction site for a month and everyday they would have the same... read more

There once was a seagull with sore feet. He had been perching on a seaside railing all day and was starting to get blisters. He had tried going swimming, but the salt water seemed to irritate them and make them worse. He had tried flying, but he soon got so tired that he had to stop. He was in agony... read more