UPJOKE
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Mrs. Johnson was having her second set of twins: a boy and a girl.

Once again, she fell into a coma before delivery, so it fell to her younger brother to name the newborns. Traditionally, that job would fall to the eldest, but he had lost that privilege after naming her first set of twins Denise and Denephew. When she finally came to, she saw her brother standing b...

A bird was flying when it laid an egg. But it didn't fall to the ground. Why?

Because it was wearing underwear.

This was my cousin's favourite joke when she was around 4 years old (she's 27 now) and she made it a point to tell EVERYONE she met because she came up with it herself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lawyer, a priest and a teacher with his students are on a plane as it begins to fall to the ground...

... the pilot comes over the intercom and says that there are only three parachutes on board. The priest, lawyer and teacher must decide who gets a parachute. Immediately the lawyer grabs a parachute and says "I'm more important than any of you so I get a parachute." The teacher angrily yells "But w...

Still my favorite joke I ever made up. :)

A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."

So the monocle h...

Why don't people sympathize when your books fall to the floor?

Because you have only your shelf to blame.

Sir Isaac Newton was completely WRONG about apples

They don't fall to the ground because of gravity.

It's natural selection.

Trees that produce apples that fall upwards don't have offspring

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wife of a wealthy business man calls their butler into her bedroom while her husband is away on a trip for work

"Jeeves," she says at once, "take off my dress."

"Yes madam!" He replies, unbuttoning the top of her dress and watching it fall to the floor.

"Now, I want you to take off my bra."

"Oh, yes ma'am!" replies Jeeves, unhooking the front clasp of the fancy lace bra and throwing it ca...

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