Ein Jokes

...before it cinq.

"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.

"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.

"One," radioed the British ship before it went two.

"Won," radioed the American sub.

One, uno, eins, un.

Nein

A man is being send to prison, on the first day in the shower he is approached by a giant muscular inmate who asks him intimidatingly

"With or without spit?!"

The man thinks to himself that it will happen no matter what and that it might hurt less with spit so he frighteningly stamme... read more

I was walking past my local athletics track when I saw a man carrying a very long, thin bag. I asked him "are you a pole vaulter?"

He said "Nein, I am German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

_Ein_ stein.

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide-and-seek. It’s Einstein’s turn to be it, so he closes his eyes and starts counting, “Eins, zwei, drei…” Pascal runs off and hides under a big bush. Newton runs over to a nearby driveway, takes out some chalk, and draws a box around him that is one meter ... read more

Because they have nein lives.

English: A dog.

Swedish: What?

English: The dog.

English: Two dogs.

Swedish: Okay. We have: En hund, hunden, Två hundar, hundarna.

German: Wait, I wan’t to try it too!

English: No, go away.

Swedish: No one invited you.

German: Der Hund.

... read more

Two guys are riding bicycles down the street.

One of the bikes fenders was loose and was making a loud noise.

So the first guy said to the second guy
"Hey your fender is too loud"

The second guy says "what?"

The first guy speaks louder
"your fender is too loud" <... read more

Ein stein!

What do German guys say in prison?

Ein, Zwei, I'm going in dry.

He orders himself ein Stein.

The Disney Princesses had cats. Tiana's was named One, Two, Three, Snow White's was Eins, Zwei, Drei, and Belle's was named Une, Deux, Trois. They decided to put the cats on rafts and race them.

Tiana and Snow White's cats made it to the end, but Belle's died because

Une, Deux, Trois,... read more

Tut mir leid so ein Ding existiert nicht

Edit 1: Grammar

An American cat named "One two three," a German cat named "Ein zwei drei," and a French cat named "Une deux trois." The cats all swim across a lake with the American cat coming in first and the German cat coming in second but the French cat is missing.

Why?

Because Une deux trois quatr... read more

One of them is called "One Two Three"
The second is called " Un deux trois"
The third is called "Ein zwei"
What is the order of them crossing?

So One Two Three gets to the other side first because the Un Deux Trois cat sank.

But the Ein Zwei cat is still drei because it has a ... read more

British generals were growing concerned when one day a bright chap came up with an idea.

"What's a common German name?" said Pvt Smith.

One of his mates pipes up, "Schultz is fairly common."

So the two soldiers crept to the edge of their trench and called over the top, "HEY SCHU... read more

He only has ein stein

A German man and his son walk into a bar. The man points to his son and says "Ein Bier bitte". Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your Kind here".

Eins
Zwei
Drei

It is the finals for a multi terrain cat racing competition. The final event was to swim across a river.

There were three cats in the finals.

- A French cat named *Un Deux Trois*.
- An English cat named *Four Three Two*.
- A German cat named *Eins Zwei*.

During the rac... read more

He approaches the bar to and calls over a barman. The barman asks what he would like, and the physicist raises one finger and says,

"Ein Stein".

so the cop gets out calling for backup and shouts "Keep your hands on the wheel!" while approaching the driver's side. He instructs the driver to lower the window. It's a pale bald guy wearing a dark turtleneck and thick plastic eyeglasses.

"Ja? I vas just admiring Ihre Autobahn. There is ein... read more