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Herr Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An actual joke that was told by Jews during World War II

An SS man says to a Jew in a concentration camp: "You are to be killed today, but I will give you a chance. One of my eyes is a glass eye. If you can guess which one it is, I will give you your life."

The Jew looks at the SS man and says, "The left one, Herr Corporal."

"That is correct...

What do you call a German barber?

Herr Kutz

(This was funnier when I was half asleep this morning)

What do you call the son of a German rabbit farmer?

Herr hare heir.

What did the Allied forces call the German army as it retreated at the end of WWII?

A receding herr line

I heard a tale about the first barber...

He was a German man named, Herr Dreßer

What do German girls call getting divorced and remarried?

A Herr transplant.

During the Cold War, a British officer goes into a Cologne brothel.

He stands smartly at ease in front of the madame and says "*Guten abend*! May I enquire what your payment might be for the pleasure of my company?"

She looks him up and down, considers his rank and the likely size of his pay packet, and says "*Herr Hauptmann*, two hundred and fifty Deutschmar...

German Mining Company

German miner, "herr supervisor, we're working so many hours and we're so efficient that within a year we will run out of ore to mine."

Mine Supervisor, "this is a problem. A very bad problem."

Miner, "what do you suggest we do?"

Supervisor, "Mein Fuhrer."

An American, a Frenchman and an East German (this joke takes place in 1982)

are having a few drinks and discussing what true happiness is.

The American says "For me, true happiness is to work hard all day at a job I love, and then to come home and share dinner with my family."

The Frenchman says "Oh, you Americans, you're obsessed with work. To me true happine...

What do Germans call Micheal Jordans sneakers?

Herr Jordan's AirJordans

A Worm

Student tries to pass a test in biology. Student is bad in sciences. His glance is wandering through the audience helpless. Eventually he sees a flower pot. On the flower sits an earthworm. *Herr Professor,* - says the student, - *I bet that I stick this worm into the ground!* Professor takes up the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler asks a jewish kid...

Hitler wants to hear the dreams of jewish kids. So, he visits Auschwitz and finds one kid sitting in a corner, freezing to death.

"Hallo kinder, what is your dream?"

"Herr Hitler, when I grow-"

"IF..IF you grow up."

Michael Jordan tried escaping his nickname in Germany...

but they still called him Herr Jordan.

Full size map

"And then came the grandest idea of all! We actually made a map of the country, on the scale of a mile to the mile!"

"Have you used it much?" I enquired.

"It has never been spread out, yet," said Mein Herr: "the farmers objected: they said it would cover the whole country, and shut out...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Jewish joke.

Rabbi Altmann and his secretary were sitting in a coffeehouse in Berlin in 1935. "Herr Altmann," said his secretary, "I notice you're reading Der Stürmer! I can't understand why. A Nazi libel sheet! Are you some kind of masochist, or, God forbid, a self-hating Jew?"

"On the contrary, Frau Eps...

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