My son was worried about going to a Boy Scouts meeting for the first time...

I told him he had knotting to worry about.

What is worse than a Boy Scout in your pocket?

A Brownie in your pants.

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You hear the one about the incontinent boy scout?

Shits intense.

What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns?

One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'


EDIT:I reached r/all, I promised a friend of mine that I would stop calling his mom hot if I reached all.

He sends his regards...

What do you call a boy scout lost in the woods?

A bear trap.

A scout master and a Boy Scout are walking in to the woods

The sun is setting and the Boy Scout looks up and says, “it’s starting to get dark, I’m scared.” The scout master responds “you think you’re scared? I have to walk out of here alone”

A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...

The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

There was a sign outside a building that said "Boy Scouts".



I walked in and there were loads of priests standing around.

How many boy scouts does take to change a lightbulb?

One. But it takes a few days, because he only gives it a good turn daily.

Some boy scouts are sitting around a campfire...

Some boy scouts are sitting around a camp fire and begin to tell some jokes. The first one lets out a chuckle and says, "13". The rest of the scouts chuckle and another says, "Heh, 6". This gets a good laugh from most of them and a third replies with "8". At this point they are at the point of tears...

Why are Boy Scouts annoying to play video games with?

Because they’re good at camping!

A Boy Scout decided to start a business fixing horns on cars and trucks…

He called it "Beep Repaired."

I'm going to sabotage the winners' tents in the next boy scouts competition...

I'll knock them down a peg or two

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Call of Duty is like the Boy Scouts,

everyone's gay, and there's a lot of camping.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde a Catholic and a Boy Scout

So a blonde going on vacation, and a Boy Scout on his way to retreat with his father get on a small aircraft with the pilot who is an old and devout catholic.

The pilot sees the Boy Scout is shouldering a large pack and takes it from him, laying it near the door. They all take their seats an...

How are socks like Boy Scouts?

They always come pre-paired.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Barack Obama, the Pope, Hilary Clinton and a boy scout are on a plane...

The plane is about to crash when they realize there are only 3 parachutes.

The first passenger, President Obama said “I am the president of the United States, as much as it will haunt me for the rest of my life, I must insist I take a parachute. I have a great responsibility, being the leader...

An American, A Canadian and a Boy scout are on a plane.

The plane hits turbulence and is about to crash.

the pilot comes out and says "The plane is going down. Everyone for himself!" grabs one of the remaining 3 parachutes and jumps out.

The American says. "We're number 1 so i get to live" hastily grabs 1 of the 2 remaining chutes and jumps...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two travellers a boy scout and a priest are on a crashing plane...

The first traveller tells the second: there's only one parachute, the boy scout is the youngest he should take it.

The second traveller replies: Nah fuck him.

The priest asks: Do you think we have time?

A Genius, an Old Farmer, and a Boy Scout are on a plane...

...The pilot enters the cabin and says, "I'm terribly sorry. I've done everything I can, but the plane is falling and going to crash. Now, there are only 3 parachutes on this plane. I've got a wife at home with 2 young kids and another on the way, so I'm going to use one of them." He then picks up a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An officer, a lawyer, a priest and three boy scouts are on a plane tumbling from the sky. They only have three parachutes.

The officer says "save the boys they have their whole lives ahead of them!" The lawyer says "fuck the boys I want to live!" The priest says "when do we start?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny was out selling apples raising money for his boy scout troop...

He's going door to door in an apartment complex and he knocks on one of the doors.

The door opens and there is standing the most stunning woman Johnny has ever seen completely naked.

Johnny stammers out "Good day lady. Would you like to buy some apples?"

The woman grabs Johnny ...

My son went on a camping adventure with the Boy Scouts group

He told me it was in tents.

What’s the difference between a Boy Scout and a Jew?

One comes back from camp

What do Boy Scouts and bondage fetishists have in common?

Knot a lot.

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A priest, rabbi, lawyer, and boy scouts were on an airplane.

The airplane is going down. There are only enough parachutes for a few of them.

The rabbi says, 'I'm an old man. We should give the parachutes to the boy scouts. Save them."

The lawyer responds, "What?! FUCK THE BOY SCOUTS!"

The priest quickly checks his watch, "DO WE HAVE TIME!...

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The Medicrin Story - taken from a Boy Scouting website

Long ago, before Gamecubes, before Playstations, even before Atari, there were nasty, vile monsters roaming the land. In those days, a few brave, strong men made their living by protecting common people from these beasts. This is a story about one such man named Erik and the adventure he had. 
...

Why did the gamer refuse to join the Boy Scouts?

He hates camping

Boy Scout

A boy scout was walking around a pond when all of a sudden a frog jumped out in front of him,"Kiss me and I'll turn into a beautiful princess!" The boy thought about it for a moment then picked the frog up, put it in his pocket, and continued walking. The frog jumped back out of the boy's pocket "Wh...

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, the Pope, and a boy scout are on a plane losing altitude and there are only 3 parachutes...

Vladimir Putin jumps up and declares, “I am the smartest Russian in the world! My people need me! I will not die here!” Then he grabs a parachute and jumps out the plane before anyone can say anything in response.

Watching intently and taking notes the entire time Putin was speaking Donald T...

I heard they're letting girls join the boy scouts now.

They're going to help the boys pitch a tent.

The Boy Scouts came up with the strongest knot in the world...

You just leave a pair of earbuds in your pocket while you're hiking.

A Supermodel, A Boy Scout, And The Smartest Man In The World

A supermodel, a boy scout, and the smartest man in the world are on a plane together. There is an engine malfunction and the plane begins to plummet towards the Earth far below. Everybody (including the pilot), is able to bail except the three mentioned, as there are only two parachutes left between...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A business man, a boy scout, and a priest are on a plane...

The plane's engines start failing and the pilot comes back to see his oddly diverse crew.

"Sorry, guys, but the plane's going down and there are only three parachutes. I call one, cause it's my plane. Shut up, I can do that. You guys can decide what to do with the last two."

The pri...

The Captain's Drink

Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar.
Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."
The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"
Hook yells, "Shove it up yer sta...

Three vampires are competing at who can drink the most blood

They decide to meet in an hour and see who drank the most. An hour passes and they meet. The first vampire's face is bloody. The second vampire is even bloodier, his hands are bloody aswell. But the third one won: the blood is dripping down his face and his shirt is coverred in it, and so are his ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A scoutmaster and his girlfriend go hiking in the woods...

They take a break in a rocky clearing with odd writing. After a while, they get frisky, and decide to play a little game called hide the sausage. They look around for people even though they’re in the middle of nowhere. It seems all clear and they go for it. Little did they know, they were in the mi...

What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a Jewish person?

The Boy Scout comes home from camp.
^First ^time ^posting ^on ^this ^sub ^don't ^know ^what's ^too ^offensive ^and ^what's ^not ^sorry.

The President, the First Lady, a boy scout and a pilot are on a plane.

(Not sure if this one has been submitted already)

Suddenly, a bird gets stuck in one of the engines, causing it to burst into flames. The pilot tells the passengers that the plane will crash, but there are only 3 parachutes on the plane.

The president grabs one and says, "I am the most...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old World War II political joke my granddad told me when I was a kid.

I'll try to retell it exactly as he told it to me when I was about seven or so.

>There's this intersection with a four way stop. Four cars displaying reichstag flags approach the intersection. You know, like those official flags the president's got, except they got the kraut eagle and car...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Mom said I should marry the first person I had sex with [nsfw]

I said "Mom, nobody wants to marry their Boy Scout Troop Leader"

Pixar movies over the years

What if toys had feelings?

What if bugs had feelings?

What if monsters had feelings?

What if fish had feelings?

What if superheroes had feelings?

What if cars had feelings?

What if rats had feelings?

What if robots hadd feelings?

What if boy s...

What do you get when you cross a road with an old lady?

A Boy Scouts badge.

Smartest Man in the World

An old priest, a boy scout, the President, Bill Gates and the smartest man in the world are traveling in an airplane together.

Without warning, the engines fail and the plane starts plummeting towards the earth. There is one problem: the plane is loaded with only 5 parachutes. Someone will h...

Four word joke

Boy scouts. Girl guides.

Three hunters are lost in the woods, and their prospects aren't looking good.

The three men have been trying to find their way out for hours, but none of the landmarks look familiar, and they're starting to get desperate. Finally, one man remembers his Boy Scout training and says, "Fire three shots in the air, and someone will come find us!"

So they fire three shots an...

A joke my Priest told at church on Sunday

Three men were on a small plane ready to take a flight over Lake Michigan. One man was the pilot, another man was a young diplomat, the final was a Bishop. On the outside of the plane a young Boy Scout was trying to convince his parents to let him on the plane. Last minute they finally gave in and l...

Swiss Army Knifes

A man met a beautiful young woman in a bar. They got along well, shared dinner, and had a marvelous evening. When he left her, he told her that he had really enjoyed their time together, and hoped to see her again, soon. Smiling yes, she gave him her phone number.

The next day, he called her ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane is flying over the ocean ..

The pilot speaks on the intercom, "Engine one has failed, engine two is on its way out. Grab a parachute I wish you the best."
On board was a Catholic priest, a Rabbi, a lawyer and three boy scouts. As they searched for life vest and parachutes they only found three. The Adults huddled to try and...

4 people, 3 parachutes...

"There was a flight that had only four people on it - the pilot, a young boy scout, an elderly pastor and a scholarly looking gentleman. During the flight the pilot came back and said that they were experiencing engine difficulties and that the plane was going to crash. The good news was that they h...

A compass, a cough drop, and a match.

As a Boy Scout, we would camp a lot and go on hikes.


One night, we had to do a night hike, alone, for a merit badge. I had left the campsite about an hour earlier and a terrible storm rolled in. The sky opened up and the ground was quickly saturated. I tried to continue my hike for anothe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guns – Good Question, Better Answer!

For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an Australian General.
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.
Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.
Regardless of how you feel about gun laws, you have to love this!
Thi...

A priest is walking through the woods at night

He is stopped by a policeman. The priest asks, "What seems to be the problem, officer?" The policeman replies, "A Boy Scout was abducted in the area, and we are looking for a potential child molester." The priest thinks for a second, and says, "I'll do it."

A Pilot Is On A Plane About To Crash

A pilot is flying a plane when all of the sudden the plane begins to go down. Panicked, the pilot attempts to throw things out of the plane to make it lighter.

He announces this and is given three items a apple, a banana, and a bomb. He desperately throws them all out of the window one at a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's black and blue and hates sex?

The boy scout in my trunk.

Worlds Smartest Man, Worlds Strongest Man, a Preacher and a Boyscout

...are all on a plane and it's about to crash.
Problem is there is only 3 parachutes.

So...
The worlds smartest man grabs a parachute and says, "I'm the worlds smartest man, I can solve many problems and find solutions for the future of humanity". He jumps out the plane.

The w...

A Priest and a Rabbi were sitting on a bench at the park...

A priest and a rabbi were sitting on a bench at the park. They both watched with interest as a troop of boy scouts marched by on a nature walk. Through the side of his mouth, the priest murmurs to the Rabbi, "I'd sure like to screw those boys over there..."

To which the Rabbi replies, "Screw ...

My car horn hasn't worked for a long time.

Today, a Boy Scout fixed it and all he said was, "Beep repaired!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Throwback Joke: Liver and Cheese

Some backstory, there was a tornado at boy scout camp one summer and we were assembled in the valley in an attempt to stay safe and the counselor told us that he would laugh at any joke we told. So I told this one:
"Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, ...

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