UPJOKE
joseph stalinnkvdworld war iigulagchekaheinrich himmlergeorgy zhukovpolitburosecret policeyalta conferencebolshevikstate securitymenshevikkatyn massacrezhukov

Beria Jokes

This one is a bit of a long one so just bear with me. It is a joke commonly said among post soviet people

Stalin sits at his usual table, in the glorius kremlin studying the map of eastern germany. His pencil sitting proudly beside him. Comrade Stalin looks away for a split second, and the pencil is gone! Stalin takes out a second pencil and places it on the table. Looks the other way again and the seco...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stalin wakes up one morning and walks onto his balcony to see the sun rise.

"Good morning, Comrade Sun" he says.

"And a very good morning to you, Comrade Stalin" the sun replies.

Later in the day, as Stalin is heading to NKVD headquarters to meet with Beria he says, "Good afternoon, Comrade Sun"

"And a very good afternoon to you, Comrade Stalin" the Sun...

Stalin loses his favorite pipe

Couple of days later, Beria calls Stalin.

"Have you found your pipe?" asks Beria.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I found it this morning under the sofa," says Stalin.

"This is impossible," says Beria, "three people have already confessed."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 1937, a man stands at the Red Square and shouts: "Down with a tyrant with a moustache!".

Beria, who walked nearby, overheard it, arrested the man and brought him in front of Stalin.

- Comrade, who did you have in mind when you said "Down with the tyrant with a moustache!""? - Stalin asks.

- Well of course i meant Hitler!

- Very good, comrade, you are free to go....

Stalin's secret police find a man who looks exactly like Stalin, right down to the moustache

They considered that the man could be used to potentially embarrass Stalin, so Beria, the head of the secret police, goes to Stalin and asks what should be done about him.

"Why, Comrade, that's easy. Shoot him." replied Stalin

"We could, Comrade, but..." starts Beria

"BUT?!" sho...

Once Stalin had notice he had lost his briefcase.

He immediately called Beria, the head of the NKVD: "Comrade Beria, I have lost my briefcase. You must find it at once!". Later that night, as Stalin returned home, he noticed his briefcase lying on his office desk. Accepting his mistake he called Beria once again "Comrade Beria, I must ask you to ca...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

WWII era Soviet joke

In the middle of Stalin's war council Marshall Zhukov storms out of the room, muttering "The moustached tyrant went utterly batshit" to himself. Head of NKVD Lavrentiy Beria hears him and immediately repeats what he heard to Stalin.

Stalin calls Zhukov back and asks who did he mean.

"...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.