UPJOKE
stavkaworld war igeorgybattle of moscowbattle of kurskbattle of berlinjoseph stalinustinovmalenkovberiaanatolipyotrlublingeneralrussians

Zhukov Jokes

Stalin and Zhukov

At the end of the war both stand in front of a big and cheering Russian crowd;

“As you all know we’ve defeated Germany, won the war and done so at the cost of 20 million Russian soldiers and one ice cream driver.”

The crowd is silent.

Suddenly from the back you hear one Comrade ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A member of Stalin's cabinet overhears a conversation in which Marshal Zhukov calls the Great Leader a "mustachioed asshat".

The cabinet member wastes no time in telling Stalin of this heresy. Stalin approaches Zhukov and says, "Now, who is a mustachioed asshat?"


Zhukov raises his eyebrows, "When I said that, I was thinking of Fuhrer Hitler, of course!"


He then turns to the cabinet member.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fucking asshole with a mustache

At the height of WWII on the Eastern front, a high-level meeting takes place in the Kremlin between Stalin and the marshals on the situation on their respective fronts. When the meeting ends, Marshal Georgy Zhukov is the first one to step out. As he does so, he mutters under his breath "Fucking assh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stalin sits inside of his office in the Kremlin.

He is attending a meeting of extreme importance with Marshall Zhukov. Outside of the office, sits Stalin's secretary, Poskrebyshev.

Soon enough, Marshall Zhukov walks out of Stalin's office, mumbling "Murderous mustache...". Poskrebyshev's face bleaches, as he storms inside of the office scre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Soviet joke

Stalin invited General Zhukov into his office for a conference, and yells at him for 2 hours regarding the war's slow progress.



As Zhukov steps out of the office, he mutters under his breath, "that damn mustachioed son of bitch!"



Unfortunately, he is overheard by Stalin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zhokov's Response

-- Zhukov angrily exits Stalin's office. In the corridor, he swears:

Z: What a fucking cunt with a mustache!

-- NKVD's officer guarding the door noticed that and said:

NKVD: What did you say, comrade?

-- Zhukov said he had said nothing.

NKVD: Well, let's go back to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

WWII era Soviet joke

In the middle of Stalin's war council Marshall Zhukov storms out of the room, muttering "The moustached tyrant went utterly batshit" to himself. Head of NKVD Lavrentiy Beria hears him and immediately repeats what he heard to Stalin.

Stalin calls Zhukov back and asks who did he mean.

"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the draw down of WWII...

Dignitaries and generals were touring Nazi facilities in Europe. One of the stops that they made was at a naval base where the dreaded U-Boats were based.

The dignitaries and their staffs were headed to a captured U-Boat, when a droning was noticed, and the air raid sirens went off. The Luft...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.