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Cletus goes to court

The judge says, "Now Cletus, you're bein' charged with bestiality. That's a fancy legal word for all the horses, cows, pigs, goats, rabbits, sheep and chickens you been fuckin."

Cletus jumps to his feet and shouts "CHICKENS?!?!"

Problems of Bein a non-native English speaker

The problem with being a non native English speaker is, that your brain sometimes just sucks up random words and you then use them later without really having a proper intestinal lining of said words. You just hope you used them correctly.

They thought ESPN was very good in Spanish speaking countries

So now they just call it EsBein.

A‌‌n America‌‌n soldier‌‌, servin‌‌g i‌‌n Worl‌‌d Wa‌‌r I‌‌I ha‌‌d jus‌‌t returne‌‌d fro‌‌m severa‌‌l week‌‌s o‌‌f battl‌‌e o‌‌n th‌‌e Germa‌‌n fron‌‌t lines.

Th‌‌e soldie‌‌r ha‌‌d bee‌‌n grante‌‌d res‌‌t an‌‌d relaxatio‌‌n an‌‌d wa‌‌s o‌‌n ‌‌a trai‌‌n tha‌‌t wa‌‌s boun‌‌d fo‌‌r London.

Th‌‌e trai‌‌n wa‌‌s ver‌‌y crowded‌‌, s‌‌o th‌‌e soldie‌‌r walke‌‌d th‌‌e lengt‌‌h o‌‌f th‌‌e trai‌‌n i‌‌n hope‌‌s o‌‌f findin‌‌g a‌‌n empt‌‌y seat.

Th‌‌e on...

Jesu‌‌s onc‌‌e sai‌‌d "H‌‌e wh‌‌o live‌‌s b‌‌y th‌‌e sword‌‌, wil‌‌l di‌‌e b‌‌y th‌‌e sword"

H‌‌e wa‌‌s ‌‌a carpente‌‌r tha‌‌t die‌‌d b‌‌y bein‌‌g naile‌‌d t‌‌o ‌‌a piec‌‌e o‌‌f wood‌‌, s‌‌o h‌‌e migh‌‌t hav‌‌e ha‌‌d ‌‌a point.

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An oldie in honor of Sir Sean Connery, RIP

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson and bragged that, despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night.

Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.
After the show, Cilla says, "Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer....

I never hit my children

one of the good things about not bein there

Bob the Sailor & Ollie the Octopus walk into a bar...

Bob the sailor walks into a bar carrying a large octopus. He announces to the bar that this octopus can not only talk, but he has a very unique talent which he will share with the crowd for $50 a turn.

Bartender says "There's no way that octopus can talk."

"Sure he can. Ollie, tell the...

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A Brit walks into a bar in Mississippi.

The bartender, taking note of the man's rather non-local appearance, shook his head and handed the man a beer - he didn't want to be at the butt-end of some lame joke.

The other bargoers, however, didn't seem to have the same inclination, and so began pestering the Brit.

"Well lookie h...

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(Long) An Irish priest is in a bar the night before mass....

with his buddy, Patrick. The priest tells Patrick, "Me bicycle got stolen today, and bein this is such a small town, I don't wanna call the police and get someone in all kinds a trouble, but I need me bike back."

Patrick tells the priest that tomorrow during mass, since the entire town would ...

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Fresh prince of Bel air UK version.

South-east England born and raised

On reality TV spending most of my days

Bein' racist, whoring out and relaxin' all cool

And being disgusting, Fuck the gene pool

When a couple of cells

Who were up to no good

Startin making cancer in my vaginalhood

I ...

Bubba n' Buford

Bubba n' Buford were sittin' on their porch one afternoon drinkin' beer n' bein' entertained by the bug zapper when this semi haulin' sod comes over the hill n' passes in front of their trailer. Bubba declares, "When we get rich I'm gonna do that!". Buford, asks "Do what?". Bubba looks at Bufor...

Who's King of the Jungle??!

This lion is prancing through the jungle bein' all proud of his mastery of the animal kingdom. One day he decides to make sure all the other animals knows he's king of the jungle. He was so confident that he bypassed the smaller animals and went straight to the bear.

Grabs the bear by the...

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