UPJOKE

Being Single Jokes

After being single for ages, my best mate said, "Can I set you up?"

I said, "Go on then"

Now I'm doing twelve years for a crime I didn't commit.

Today a friend said to me: "Marco, aren't you sad to see your friends getting married and you being single at 43?"

I replied:

"Yes, I am, but I don't know how to help them."

I'm happy being single but...

sometimes I'll be walking down the street and see a happy couple coming towards me, holding hands and wearing matching outfits. And I just can't help but think to myself, *Wouldn't it be nice to have someone to hate them with?*

-Tom Allen

Tired of being single, so I went to see a matchmaker today.

Left with a box of matches.

Being single is such a handful.

Okay maybe I was feeling a little bit generous there.

Perks of being single and in locked down

You don't have to share your coronavirus.

I hate being single

It's just amoeba myself.

Have you heard of that rapper who always complains about being single on Reddit?

I think his name was... Post-Alone?

Imagine being single on Valentine’s Day

Joke’s on you, I don’t have to imagine

Being single and childless is not a choice

I was born this way.

Being single means...

...that you come in handy

Being single means you're a true DIY-er.

They even have websites and videos to help!

The best part of being single is being able to sleep around...

You get to sleep all over your bed. Left, right, diagonal, or in the middle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know what's great about being single ?

Fucking everything

Im starting to see the bright side of being single..

..If I tip the bottle towards the ceiling, light shines right through the Vodka. Facinating

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My tastes in porn have become very eccentric due to being single and alone for so long during the quarantine. But I've vowed to change after what I watched last night...

I thought to myself, "I can't believe I've come to this."

My girlfriend said she's getting a massive tattoo on her back of an anaconda surrounded by flames.

"Do you think it will hurt?" I asked.

"Probably," she replied, "it will take many hours."

I said, "I meant being single."

I wish I was single for just one day of my life

Cuz being single my whole life is exhausting

A woman sits alone at the bar

A man is waiting for his drink and asks the lady "you must be single right?".

"What, a woman can't have a drink alone at the bar without being single?!"

"No, you're just really ugly"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Happily ever after

Bob was tired of being single but he was extremely insecure about his dick. He decided to join a church and woo a really shy woman to make his wife.

He found a decent woman who showed up to church every Sunday. She was quiet and always kept to herself. After a year of dating her she a...

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