Being Single Jokes - 20 Hilarious Being Single Jokes

After being single for ages, my best mate said, "Can I set you up?"

I said, "Go on then"

Now I'm doing twelve years for a crime I didn't commit.

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Today a friend said to me: "Marco, aren't you sad to see your friends getting married and you being single at 43?"

I replied:

"Yes, I am, but I don't know how to help them."

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I'm happy being single but...

sometimes I'll be walking down the street and see a happy couple coming towards me, holding hands and wearing matching outfits. And I just can't help but think to myself, *Wouldn't it be nice to have someone to hate them with?*

-Tom Allen

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Tired of being single, so I went to see a matchmaker today.

Left with a box of matches.

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Being single is such a handful.

Okay maybe I was feeling a little bit generous there.

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Perks of being single and in locked down

You don't have to share your coronavirus.

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I hate being single

It's just amoeba myself.

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Have you heard of that rapper who always complains about being single on Reddit?

I think his name was... Post-Alone?

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Imagine being single on Valentine’s Day

Joke’s on you, I don’t have to imagine

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Being single and childless is not a choice

I was born this way.

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Being single means...

...that you come in handy

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Being single means you're a true DIY-er.

They even have websites and videos to help!

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The best part of being single is being able to sleep around...

You get to sleep all over your bed. Left, right, diagonal, or in the middle.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know what's great about being single ?

Fucking everything

Im starting to see the bright side of being single..

..If I tip the bottle towards the ceiling, light shines right through the Vodka. Facinating

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My tastes in porn have become very eccentric due to being single and alone for so long during the quarantine. But I've vowed to change after what I watched last night...

I thought to myself, "I can't believe I've come to this."

My girlfriend said she's getting a massive tattoo on her back of an anaconda surrounded by flames.

"Do you think it will hurt?" I asked.

"Probably," she replied, "it will take many hours."

I said, "I meant being single."

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I wish I was single for just one day of my life

Cuz being single my whole life is exhausting

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A woman sits alone at the bar

A man is waiting for his drink and asks the lady "you must be single right?".

"What, a woman can't have a drink alone at the bar without being single?!"

"No, you're just really ugly"

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Happily ever after

Bob was tired of being single but he was extremely insecure about his dick. He decided to join a church and woo a really shy woman to make his wife.

He found a decent woman who showed up to church every Sunday. She was quiet and always kept to herself. After a year of dating her she a...

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