Bear Attack Jokes - 18 Hilarious Bear Attack Jokes

It's not hard to survive a bear attack...

so long as you do the bear minimum.

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Did you hear about the bear attack on the campers?

Yea, it was in tents!

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Bill Clinton Survives Bear Attack

(Interview following incident in Yellowstone National Park)

Interviewer: This must have been a terrifying situation Bill. How did you end up face-to-face with a Grizzly?

Bill: Well me and Mrs. Clinton were driving through the park. I saw a couple young ladies walking down a trail and f...

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Bear Attack

An elderly man visits his doctor one day.

"I have some exciting news, Doctor!", exclaimed man, with excitement.

"What is it?", asked his doctor.

"My wife took a pregnancy test last week and, well.. we're expecting a child! Isn't it great!?"

"What!?", expressed the doct...

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How do you survive a grizzly bear attack with only a .22 pistol?

Shoot your hiking partner in the leg.

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A man n northern Manitoba survived a bear attack using only a .22 pistol he had in case of emergencies

His friend that he shot in the knee was not as lucky

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Killer Bear

In Czechoslovakia, a woman walks into a police station and reports that while walking in the woods she witnessed a bear attack a man and devour him. The police quickly form a search party to find and take care of the killer bear.

About an hour later they come across two bears together - a ma...

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Two friends go hunting....

While hunting, a bear attacks, mauling one of the hunters before being chased off.

The Survivor calls 911.

Survivor: “My friend's been attacked by a bear and I think they're dead!”

911: “Ok, calm down. Can you make sure they're dead?”

***BANG***

Survivor: “Okay, no...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jew and a Czech go hunting.

They reach a clearing in the woods and spot a deer. The Czech aims his rifle to shoot, when a bear attacks them from behind and eats the Czech. The Jew, scared shitless, runs back to town and tells everyone what happened. After some discussion, the worried townsfolk form a hunting party to deal with...

Many claim that heart attacks are one of the worst ways to go, but I disagree...

Bear attacks are definitely worse.

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Did you know that according to 911...

Choking on a handful of gummies does not constitute a "bear attack."

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time there was a bear and a rabbit

They were out in the forest when the bear attacked the rabbit. All of a sudden the spirit of the forest appeared and said, “STOP! I will grant you both three wishes.”
The bear said, “my first wish is that I’d like to be the only male bear in the forest so i could have all the females.”
The rab...

One morning, three hunters, a Frenchman, an Irishman, and a Czechoslovakian, entered the forest to hunt bears...

One morning, three hunters, a Frenchman, an Irishman, and a Czechoslovakian, entered the forest to hunt bears. Being somewhat exhausted, the Czech said, "*I'm tired. Why don't you two go hunting? I'll stay here and make up camp for the night.*"

The Frenchman and the Irishman continue hunting ...

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Smokers are great people to go camping with

You can easily outrun them if a Bear attacks

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To stay safe in bear country, always carry a small pocket knife and hike with a friend.

If a bear attacks, stab your friend in the leg and run.

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A man was driving around back roads and gets lost

The man stopped at a farm to get directions. As he was talking to the farmer he noticed a pig with a wooden leg. “How did that pig lose his leg?” he asked the farmer. “Well”, said the farmer, “that’s a very special pig. One night not too long ago we had a fire start in the barn, and that pig squeale...

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A Holiday Story

Back in the 1970s an Alaskan lawyer found out he had a long lost cousin in Czechoslovakia. In letters, the Czech mentioned he always wanted to see Alaska, so they arrange for him to come for a visit over the Christmas break.

While he's there the Alaskan takes him for a hike through the woods....

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A Priest, a Preacher, and a Rabbi...

A Catholic priest, Baptist preacher, and a rabbi were known to meet up every week and talk about religion and their respective churches. One week, they were discussing converting people to their faith and each agreed that people are easily manipulated and that it was no true test of skill and that a...

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