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Be Pretty Jokes

England fans must be pretty happy right now.

They've been waiting years for their team to play like Spain.

A lot of these Olympians must be pretty untrustworthy...

because all the TV pundits keep banging on about how unbelievable they are

After looking at my phones call log, I seem to be pretty popular

I even have a guy named Spam Risk that calls me 5 or 6 times a day.

This Halloween is going to be pretty boring...

...with half the country refusing to wear masks.

Working in a mirror factory would be pretty cool.

I could totally see myself doing it.

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Bathrooms can be pretty entertaining .

It's where all the shit goes down.

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If my sleep schedule was a person it'd be pretty hot, (nsfw)

Because it keeps getting fucked

Copper and chromium must be pretty great atoms...

If they have such an exceptional ground state

You know, capitalism can be pretty complicated

But communism? Everyone gets it

Justin Timberlake must be pretty bad a geography

Even though it's a peninsula, he keeps singing about Crimea river.

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Prince Harry’s bachelor party had to be pretty awkward.

He was putting pictures of his grandma in a strippers G string.

I think it would be pretty simple to send 5G conspiracy theorists to space

Just tell them there's Zero G

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Carving a boob from a tree would be pretty cool...

Wooden tit?

Calculators can be pretty unreliable

But you can always count on your hands

Amputees can be pretty stubborn.

You've really got to hand it to them.

Stephen Hawking can actually be pretty funny sometimes...

But I don't think he's got what it takes to do stand-up.

Meghan Trainor's business cards' must be pretty simple.

Name: No
Number: No
Affiliation: No
Contact address: No

A lot of East Slavic peoples lives must be pretty fast paced....

...I mean, most of them are always Russian

The people at my new job must be pretty fit...

They asked me if I wanted to sign up for their 401k, i can barely even run a 5k.

when I was just a little girl I asked my mother what will I be will I be pretty? will I be rich? hear what she said to me.

SON WE NEED TO TALK.

If I were a sailor, I think I’d be pretty bad at puns...

Knot!

Lawyers must be pretty big fans of the legendary Irish rock band U2.

Almost all of them go on about all the pro-Bono things that they do.

Jussie Smollett was released after 6 days into his 150 day sentence

He must be pretty upset that his attacker got out so early.

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A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara [NSFW]

A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara on a camel. On the third day, the camel dies with little warning. As they dust themselves off, the nun and priest appraise their situation. After a long silence, the priest states:
'Well, sister, this looks to be pretty serious.'
'I know, father. As a...

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A man is walking the Las Vegas strip, and runs into the most beautiful women he has ever met. [NSFW]

He starts talking to her, and to his luck he finds out she is a prostitute. So, he asks her.

"How much for a hand-job?"

"5,000$" she replies.

"5,000$?? You must be nuts, no way."

"Walk with me." She replies. He agrees and they walk for a moment to end up in front of a re...

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Sex Therapy

Seems to be pretty old joke,

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong...

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3 Chinese Tortures :).... Trust me You will love it.

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you ...

A woman hits up a guy in a bar

They go to her apartment and make out. Then out of nowhere, the guy starts kissing her neck, softly at first, and then it bursts into a wild ride of biting and sucking, driving her into depths of pleasure she has never had. The guy seems to be pretty experienced, choking her and then stroking her ne...

A duck walks into a bar...

And orders a hundred bottles of scotch.

The bartender says, "That's gonna be pretty expensive. How are you gonna pay for all that liquor?"

The duck replies, "Just put it on my tab."

A nearby bar patron cheekily says, "Don't you mean 'put it on my bill'?"

The duck says to ...

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