UPJOKE
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Be Pretty Jokes

England fans must be pretty happy right now.

They've been waiting years for their team to play like Spain.

A lot of these Olympians must be pretty untrustworthy...

because all the TV pundits keep banging on about how unbelievable they are

After looking at my phones call log, I seem to be pretty popular

I even have a guy named Spam Risk that calls me 5 or 6 times a day.

This Halloween is going to be pretty boring...

...with half the country refusing to wear masks.

Working in a mirror factory would be pretty cool.

I could totally see myself doing it.

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Bathrooms can be pretty entertaining .

It's where all the goes down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If my sleep schedule was a person it'd be pretty hot, ()

Because it keeps getting fucked

Copper and chromium must be pretty great atoms...

If they have such an exceptional ground state

You know, capitalism can be pretty complicated

But communism? Everyone gets it

Justin Timberlake must be pretty bad a geography

Even though it's a peninsula, he keeps singing about Crimea river.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prince Harry’s bachelor party had to be pretty awkward.

He was putting pictures of his grandma in a strippers G string.

I think it would be pretty simple to send 5G conspiracy theorists to space

Just tell them there's Zero G

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Carving a from a tree would be pretty cool...

Wooden ?

Calculators can be pretty unreliable

But you can always count on your hands

Amputees can be pretty stubborn.

You've really got to hand it to them.

Stephen Hawking can actually be pretty funny sometimes...

But I don't think he's got what it takes to do stand-up.

Meghan Trainor's business cards' must be pretty simple.

Name: No
Number: No
Affiliation: No
Contact address: No

A lot of East Slavic peoples lives must be pretty fast paced....

...I mean, most of them are always Russian

The people at my new job must be pretty fit...

They asked me if I wanted to sign up for their 401k, i can barely even run a 5k.

when I was just a little girl I asked my mother what will I be will I be pretty? will I be rich? hear what she said to me.

SON WE NEED TO TALK.

If I were a sailor, I think I’d be pretty bad at puns...

Knot!

Lawyers must be pretty big fans of the legendary Irish rock band U2.

Almost all of them go on about all the pro-Bono things that they do.

Jussie Smollett was released after 6 days into his 150 day sentence

He must be pretty upset that his attacker got out so early.

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Therapy

Seems to be pretty old joke,

A couple, both age 78, went to a therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have ?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong...

A woman hits up a guy in a bar

They go to her apartment and make out. Then out of nowhere, the guy starts kissing her neck, softly at first, and then it bursts into a wild ride of biting and sucking, driving her into depths of pleasure she has never had. The guy seems to be pretty experienced, choking her and then stroking her ne...

A duck walks into a bar...

And orders a hundred bottles of scotch.

The bartender says, "That's gonna be pretty expensive. How are you gonna pay for all that liquor?"

The duck replies, "Just put it on my tab."

A nearby bar patron cheekily says, "Don't you mean 'put it on my bill'?"

The duck says to ...
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