UPJOKE

Beautiful Girl Jokes

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.

So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way...

There is only one thing that beats a beautiful girl with amazing voice.

And that’s Chris Brown

Today I went for a walk with a beautiful girl.

Then she noticed me so we went for a run.

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Met a beautiful girl down at the park today..

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today.

Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex right there and then.

God, I love my new Taser...

I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?”

He said, “Try the ATM outside”

Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. She said, “What movie would you like to see?”

I said, “You pick.”

She said, “You pick.”

I said, “I don’t care. You pick.”

She said, “Sir, there are people waiting behind you waiting to buy tickets.”

A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant,"Are you single?"

I Happily I replied," Yes...."

She took away the extra chair in front of me.

A Man Met a Beautiful Girl in a Bar

and wooed her until he brought her back home for some love making. After an hour the guy asked her "Are you finish?", to which the girl shook her head. He then continues to make love to her for another hour. "Are you finish?" The girl shook her head again. He then goes on again for another 15 minute...

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A man met a beautiful girl and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She protested, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He replied, “That’s all right; we’ll learn about each other as we go along.”

So she consented and they were married, and they went on honeymoon to a very nice resort.

One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 30-foot high board and did a two-and-a-half-tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple. T...

What do you call a beautiful girl in Boston?

A tourist.

A beautiful girl walks up to you in a rain storm...

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

5 Years ago today I asked a beautiful girl out on a date. Today at 3pm I asked that same girl to marry me.

Both times she said no

So I matched with a beautiful girl on Tinder

The good news is she didn’t try to get me to join her Onlyfans.


The even better news is she’s going to help me start investing in crypto!

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A guy went on a date with a beautiful girl

There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies.When they got there, he asked her...

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Son: "I fell in love with a beautiful girl."

Father: "That's great, do I know her?"

Son: "Yes, it is Andrea who lives across the street."

Father: "Oh that is bad, I am sorry, don't tell this to your mom but Andrea is your sister."

The boy is upset, but accepts the truth.

After few months he comes to his dad again...

A boy sees a beautiful girl across the street.

After they hit it off, he goes home and excitedly tells his dad the news.

“Dad, I just got to know this amazing girl across the street! She lives really close by and her name is Jenna. I really like her!”

The father winces and looks at him. “Son, I’m sorry to tell you this, but Jenna i...

A beautiful girl approached me

A beautiful girl approached me and told me that i was handsome and that I would look more attractive if I bought sponges she was selling.

I have never been so insulted in my life. To think that I would fall for such an act. I just just stand here laughing thinking how ridiculous it is while I...

A beautiful girl...

...was giving a pedicure to a man who was at the same time also getting a shave at a salon. The man says”

"What about a date later?"

"Am married", she replied.

The man said:

"So?, call your husband and tell him you are going to visit a girlfriend"

She said:
"You...

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A beautiful girl is like a fine wine.

But you still can’t just lock her in the basement until she’s old enough.

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I met a beautiful girl in bangkok.

I was at that bar in bangkok and saw this beautiful girl. She looked at me with that amazing smile and all i could think of was "dont get a boner, dont get a boner" - but she still got one :(

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a restaurant.

They are having a fun time and give their waitress a huge tip. Super excited about the tip, the waitress decides to tell them a secret: In the women's bathroom, there is a magical mirror. If you tell it something truthful, you will be greatly rewarded. However, if you lie to the mirror, you will dis...

I met the most beautiful girl at the Covid testing location the other day

She left me breathless

The mother of a beautiful girl enters the office of a general

"General! One of your soldiers got my daughter pregnant! I demand you punish the soldier and the military pay alimony for the child!"

The general stands up, grabs his sword, unsheaths it and hands it to the lady, keeping the sheath in his hands.

He says "Would you kindly help me put th...

You're a very beautiful girl

... and you have a nice personality and a beautiful smile

Girl: you just wanna get into my pants

Boy: you're intelligent as well.

So this beautiful girl checked me out today.

The total was a little under $10.

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Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar....

He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and sh...

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You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen

Girl: "Yeah right, you just want to fuck.."

Boy: "Wow, and you're smart as well ! "

Saw a beautiful girl on bus and I smiled, it didn't creep her out

Wearing mask does help.

What do you say when a mugger or a beautiful girl suspiciously approaches you?

I don’t have any money.

I met a beautiful girl in the park.

I met a beautiful girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we were making love, I thought .... "These taser guns are well worth the money."

Joe Biden walks into a bar and sits down next to a beautiful girl

... and asks her, "Do I come here often?"

Two girls are applying for a job interview, one was super beautiful while the other with super ugly,

The boss looked at them and said " I don't care about your looks, my only criteria is if you are qualified for the job, the one who answer my question will be hired"

Then he asked the beautiful girl " what is China's population?" the girl answered " 1,400 billion"

The boss said " good...

Beautiful Girl

I once said to my girlfriend I would never stop telling her how beautiful she is.

Three years, a break up and two restraining orders later I still haven't stopped.


Made this one up myself thanks for reading.

I saw the most beautiful girl in the picket line.

She was truly striking.

A man holding several miniature pigs walks into a bar.

"Hey, barkeep!" he says, struggling to keep control of his quarry. "Any room for me and my friends?"

The bartender smiles and sets down some plastic cups. The man plops his friends inside, but the cups are too small.

"Um...barkeep?" the man says, pulling them out again. The bartender ...

I started seeing this incredibly beautiful girl.

But then my psychiatrist readjusted my meds.

Since I’m going away to college, my Dad sat me down to have a talk.

He said “OK, Dan, you're going off to college. You're going to be living away from home, in a dorm, surrounded by beautiful girls. So I got you something from the drug store.”

I said “It’s ok, Dad- I already know about condoms.”

He's said “No - anti-depressants.”

Why isn't there any beautiful girl in computer science?

Because they're all 0's and 1's

A man walked into a bar and saw a beautiful girl...

A man walked into a bar and saw a beautiful girl. He said to her, "you're pretty!" "I know." She said, arrogantly. "You have a beautiful figure!" "I know." She said again. "It must be nice to be born with such beautiful features!" He said. "It is." she replied. "And then there's me, I was born a lia...

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So a beautiful girl I met was coming to my house..

But I was afraid of getting a boner, so I taped my dick to my leg.

She shows up in a mini-skirt, smoking hot..


so I kicked her in the face.

A shy guy walks into a bar...

... and sees a a beautiful girl. After an hour, he goes to try talking to her:

-Excuse me, can we talk for some minutes?

Afterwards, the girl screams:

-NO! I Don't wanna sleep with you!

Now everyone in the bar looks weird to them. Obviously, the guy, ashamed, goes back to...

To all you beautiful girls, Happy Valentine's Day!

To all your fat girls, chin up, it's Pancake Day next week!

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Fuck and Weight loss

A fat man saw an ad in a newspaper.....
"Lose 5kg in a week."

He called the company & lady said..
"be ready tomorrow at 6am."
The next morning he opened the door &
found a beautiful girl with shoes & skirt saying "u catch me, u fuck me!" & the girl started run...

My friend asked what me what I hated the most on a beautiful girl.

Me: The ring on her finger.

My friend: What's next?

Me: The ring on my finger...

A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.

He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks ...

Who's the most beautiful girl in the world who never managed to have children?

Miss Carriage

I came across the most beautiful girl i've ever seen today at the supermarket..

She wasn't the least bit happy, even after I offered to clean it all up and buy her a new top..

I saw a beautiful girl and I thought I should go say something. But then I eealized it was a bad idea.

She was probably going to freak out when I walked out of her closet.

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Young man moves into an apartment block….

On the first day he discovers the neighbour across the hall is a stunningly beautiful girl with a gorgeous body.

One day he’s just about to enter his apartment and his neighbour opens her door, she is just wearing a black lace negligee with matching panties, he can’t help but stare.

S...

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3 men are granted 3 wishes

3 men stumble upon a lamp and they rub it, and out comes a genie. The genie says

"I will grant each of you 3 wishes."

The first man thinks long and hard, and then says

"I want to have a million dollars"

The genie snaps his fingers and poof, the man now has a million dol...

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My friend and I were walking down the street when we saw a beautiful girl drive by and whip out her breasts and shake them at us.

Me: "Wow! That was quite a show!"

Friend: "Sure, but I see that all the time at work."

Me: "You do? I thought you were worked in IT."

Friend: "Yeah. That was just a flash drive."

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita.

They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and...

Do you know the story of the boy named Bonnie?

There once was a boy named Bonnie who was constantly harassed for his goofy name. He thought he was doomed to never find love because of it, but one day, he met a beautiful girl who didn't care, and they fell in love, got married, and had a child, a beautiful baby girl. But Bonnie was worried. "What...

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