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Apprehensively Jokes

Stuttering Bible Salesman

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who wo...

My first submission, it used to play well with my father-in-law

Two Jewish men, Ari and Hymie, were walking down a city street, whereupon they happened to pass in front of a Catholic church. The church had a big sign out in front saying:

**"Convert To Catholicism and Receive $10! Today Only!!"**

Hymie stopped and studied the sign with a contemplati...

A close shave

A man dressed impeccably, in the finest Italian suit, a silk tie and matching leather shoes walked into a shabby barbershop and enquired apprehensively.
"I have a very important meet in an hour and I need the closest shave possible, I do not want a hint of growth anywhere. Do you think you can d...

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An Italian man, a Mexican man and an American man are all sitting on a steel beam a couple hundred feet in the air.

Working as construction workers they all pull out thier lunches one at a time and the italian man is first to react:

"Damn. Spaghetti and meatballs again. I swear, if my wife makes spaghetti and meatballs for me one more time I'm going to jump off this beam to my death."

The Mexican is...

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A New Zealander and an Australian are walking through a paddock

and they come across a sheep stuck with it's head stuck in a fence. The Aussie turns to the Kiwi.

"Do you think we should help him?"

The Kiwi, not one to turn down easy prey, pulls his pants down in one smooth motion and takes the sheep from behind amidst a plethora of protesting bleet...

Parker seeks the help of International Rescue for something out of the ordinary...

"You have to help me, Mr. Tracy. It's Lady Penelope. She has gone crazy! "

"Gone crazy, Parker? What do you mean by that?"

"It's her drinking....She cannot restrain herself. Every evening for five months she's been in the bar, drinking heavily, disturbing everybody and being utterly un...

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Blonde Research Study

An American research firm is tasked with conducting a study to determine if blonde women truly are less intelligent than everyone else. To do this, they host a convention for blonde women at an airport Hilton. At the orientation meeting, the chief researcher greets the crowd in a large banquet room....

Climb the ladder

One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before. Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying here on a cloud.
...

A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator...

...and the bartender says, "Hey! Get that thing outta here!"

The guy says, "Wait, wait, he's totally harmless. I've had this alligator since he was a baby and I've trained him to be completely under my control."

Dubious, the bartender says, "I don't know if I believe you, and I think i...

One evening...

...a father passed his daughter’s bedroom and heard her saying her prayers. Smiling to himself, he stopped to listen and heard her say, “God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandpa, bye bye Grandma.” How odd, thought father, but he didn’t want his daughter to know he’d been listening so he d...

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A woman hasnt had sex in a long time (LONG)

A woman, named Ethel and in her 30's, is out with her girlfriends at a bar. Eventually, talk turns to sex and there are some laughs and sly whispers. Except Ethel starts silently crying.

Her girlfriends ask what is wrong.

"I haven't had sex in more than three years!", Ethel sobs.
...

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