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You Cry Jokes

My cousin was going on and on about how an onion is the only food that can make you cry without eating it.

So I hit him in the face with a coconut.

My friend thought he was being smart, and said “Onions are the only food that makes you cry”.

So I shoved a carrot up his ass

What starts with an "O" and ends with "nions" and sometimes make you cry?

Opinions

Me: Officer, why are you crying as you’re writing me a ticket?

Cop: It’s …a moving violation.

What is negatively charged and will make you cry if you cut it in half?

An anion.

Onions make you cry

My mate thinks he's smart, he says onions are the only food that can make you cry.
So I threw a Coconut at his face.

A man at a table in a restaurant suddenly starts to cry. The worried waiter asks, “Why are you crying?”

Man: “My wife said she won’t talk with me for a month.”

Waiter : “That’s terrible.”

Man: “Yes, the month ends today.”

A: Why are you crying?

B: I don't know the other spellings of 'there'!

A: Aww, their, they're.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sometimes, when you cry, nobody see your tears,

Sometimes, when you smile,nobody notices your joy
Sometimes, when you are scared, there's nobody to calm you.


But try to have a wank in the Tesco car park, and everyone will notice.

P.S. Can someone pick me up from the police station.

This joke will Make you Cry out of Happiness!

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water!

If you cry when you cut an onion, here's a tip:

**Don't get emotionally attached.**

Food that makes you cry.

My friend gave me grief for tears leaking from my face when I was chopping some strong onions. He called me a weakling, and said there was no food that made him cry.

So I threw a coconut at his face.

Anyone who thinks onions are the only vegetable that makes you cry

has never been hit in the face with a turnip.

If you cry people won’t notice you, if you smile people won’t notice you too

But if you fart it is completely different story

Joke made from personal experience What’s purple and makes you cry?

Mamas flipflop

Can anyone recommend me a book that made you cry?

\- Problems in General Physics. I read that in high school, and it still gives me the creeps.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Hey man, why you crying?"

"I was watching a porno and my girlfriend walked thru the door"

"Oh, and that makes you sad?"

"It was thru the door of the porno"

3 men are in line to get into heaven

St. Peter is waiting at the gates of heaven and calls the first man up.

Peter says, "You never cheated on your wife! I'm going to let you drive around heaven in a Ferrari!"

So he gets in the car and drives off through the gates.

Peter then called 2nd man up. Peter says, "Oh no, ...

What would you call a communist vegetable that makes you cry?

a soviet onion

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

**NSFW** A 20 year old joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

This is for Robin Williams

A man goes to see a doctor. Doctor asks what seems to be the trouble. The man says, "Doc, I'm depressed. Simply, I can't sleep sometimes, I can't eat, I feel down and irritable most days. I just can't feel 'happy.'"

The Doctor says, "I've got the perfect fix for you. In town tonight is the g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy jogging on the beach sees a girls with no arms or legs.

Her torso is just propped up on some sand. As he draws nearer he sees that she's crying. He doesn't want to intrude, but he figures she might need some help.

"Excuse me, miss. Why are you crying?" he asks.
She responds "I'm just so sad! I've never been kissed before and I don't guess I eve...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Armless Legless girl on the beach

A man is walking on the beach when suddenly he hears someone crying, as he gets closer he discovers that it is an armless and legless woman.

He then asks her:

Man: "Why are you crying?"

Woman: "In my whole life, i've never been kissed."

So the man grabs her and kisses her...

Mr. Smith, a very wealthy man...

Mr. Smith, a very wealthy man, is in town on business and towards the end of his trip he decides to take a walk on the docks and take in the ocean view.

As he's walking he comes up on a young boy, maybe 12 years old, crying on the edge of the dock.

Mr. Smith hesitates but decides to a...

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