Woody Allen and Louis C.K. die and go to hell (obviously)

Woody Allen and Louis C.K. die and go to hell (obviously). When they get there, Louis' eternal torture is to be forever trapped in the body of an eleven-year-old girl left in the unsupervised care of Woody Allen. Woody Allen's punishment is to be forever trapped in the body of Woody Allen.

A gem from the YouTube comment section

"This watch has tremendous sentimental value to me. My father sold it to me on his deathbed." -Woody Allen

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After 12 years of regular sessions, my therapist said something that made me cry immensely.

"No habla Ingles".



^(Courtesy of Woody Allen (I think))

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Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.<...

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"Don't knock masturbation..."

"It's sex with someone you love."... Woody Allen.

Moar...

'Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good.'

And lastly...

'My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.'

Name three things that come in a little yellow box

Kodak film, Dots candy and Woody Allen.

New Job.......

Barry is seated at a small table in a warmly lit coffee shop sipping coffee.
Barry’s friend Felix enters looking somewhat dubious. (Felix bares a remarkable resemblance to Woody Allen.) He spots Barry and joins him at the table.
BARRY: Did you find a job?
FELIX: Yeah. I got a job at a...

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