UPJOKE
openunleashquaffguzzlesavortoastingopen upslurpflummoxopenlyreopenopeforamenajarsemiopen

Uncorks Jokes

A man and his wife were discussing what they thought their son might be when he grew up.

"I have an idea," said the father. He put a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. "If he takes the money he'll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey he'll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible that means he'll be a preacher."

So the man and his wife hide just be...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus and Moses are golfing in a threesome.

Moses tees off first and uncorks a high sailing slice. The ball plops into the middle of a lake. Unperturbed, Moses walks to the edge of the lake, raises his club, and the waters part. Moses chips onto the green.

Jesus tees off next. He blades a worm-burner that heads for the lake, skipping ...

And now for something completely different

A young female nurse is working the front desk at a sperm bank. A man wearing a ski mask barges in through the front door and holds a gun to her head. He tells her "Open the vault!"

"But sir, this is a sperm bank..."

"Just do it!" The woman complies and opens the vault containing hundr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once, there was a French battle pilot, named Jean-Pierre

(I recommend reading the joke in a heavy French accent)

After the war, Jean-Pierre returned to live in Paris, above a local pub.

One night, he noticed a gorgeous blonde Parisian and went to flirt with her, which went well.

After a while of flirting, the blonde told Jean-Pierre,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

He Has No Class

Donald Trump lands aboard Air Force One at Heathrow, and deplanes to a long red carpet. He walks to where Queen Elizabeth II is waiting to welcome him with much pomp and circumstance.

They are ushered into a new silver Rolls Royce, then chauffeured to Buckingham Palace.

After tea, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One dark night on a country road, two men are driving.

One dark night on a country road two men are driving. A blue car and a black car.

Suddenly a deer jumps out in front of the blue car and the drivers swerves to avoid it, hitting the black car head on.

The two drivers get out of their respective cars, shaken but otherwise unscathed. <...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Arab wandering through the Sahara

finds an old bronze lamp. When he uncorks it, out comes a genie dressed in black, with side curls a yarmulke.

"Oy, someone has *finally* freed me from that prison! I will grant you *1 wish*."

"You covetous Jew, you will give me *3* wishes!"

"It is 1 or I give you nothing, you v...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A long joke, thick with details

A man with a tiny dick hiked up a mountain to ask a shaman to help with his affliction. He reached the peak and approached the shaman.

"I want a nine inch dick. What do I have to do?"

"It's simple," said the shaman. "Look down at the jungle. Do you see that tree with the white bark?"<...

A Rabbi and a Priest get in a car crash.

A rabbi and a Priest get in a car crash. Miraculously they both escaped unscathed.

The Rabbi looks to the priest and says "surely this is a miracle by the grace of god don't you agree?"

The priest agrees with the Rabbi.

"Then surely you would agree God would want us to celebra...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.