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Transfixed Jokes

I can remember watching the women of Baywatch as a youngster -- being transfixed by their big bouncing...

...hair.

Seriously, what kind of conditioner were they using?

Cinderella

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, ...

Sermon

There was a young priest who was having trouble both writing and delivering his sermons. So he asked his Bishop for help.

The wise old Bishop said, "Well you might start with something to attract and hold their attention, such as, 'Last night I was in the warm embrace of a good woman,' that w...

A Vampire comes home for the night

A Vampire comes home for the night in bat form with blood covered all over his face, his three friends come up to him completely hypnotized by the scent of the blood, they ask him, “What did you get tonight?! That blood smells delicious!” The Vampire remains quiet and tells them not to worry about i...

Importance of Audience

Father Murphy woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an
exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just
had to play golf.
He told the Associate Priest that he was feeling sick and persuaded
him to say Mass for him that day.
The moment the Associate Priest left...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Hypnotist. (NSFW)

A hypnotist decides to try out his magic on his girlfriend, Meg, one evening. After a romantic dinner he rakes out his pocket watch and slowly starts swinging it from side to side. Transfixed she stares at it.
He says "When I say head, Meg, you will suck my dick, and when I say right nut, Meg, s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I Am The Viper! (Long)

A young man inherited a stately manor from his uncle after his untimely passing. The man's uncle was in reasonably good health, but was found dead in his library. His body bore signs of poisoning, but there was no one else with him the night of his death and no poison was found in his system or on t...

February 29th, 2020

On February 29th of this year, something extraordinary happened.

I was walking across the road, head down, minding my own - when I heard it. This incessant, mechanical noise. Like spring-loaded footsteps. Real slow.

Far away, it came. Cascading against the city walls. A pneumatic sigh....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Leprechaun Joke

A man went to a pub on St. Patrick's Day to have some drinks with his mates. After a while, the man needed to relieve himself, so he went to use the restroom.

The restroom was quite small and only had two urinals, one of which was being used by what appeared to be a little person. The man beg...

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