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Tibetan Jokes

A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine.

He raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"

What do you call it when you linger too often at a Tibetan sandwich shop?

A daily dilli-dallie at the Dalai Deli.

I’ll show myself out now.

How to beat a Tibetan monk

A Tibetan monk and his young subordinate arrive in a small town in medieval England to challenge it's men to fight.

The town sheriff tells his best fighter to step up to the challenge, but the smug monk beats him down with a single, well placed blow.

The sheriff sends in two more men,...

What do Tibetans use to move their alpacas around?

Dolly Llamas

Why did the Tibetan Monks go to Las Vegas?

They are very good at games of chants.

If you loiter in a Tibetan spiritual leaders sandwich shop every day, then...

... you dilly dally in the Dalai's deli daily.

My Tibetan friend is soo lazy.

I always see Himalayan there.

A man joins a Tibetan temple

He takes a vow of silence but is allowed to say two words every year.

After an arduous 12 months of eating rice, sleeping on a wooden bed with a raggedy blanket, and working 14-hour days in the field, the man goes to the head monk and says his two words:

“More blankets.”

Anoth...

Who do you get when you cross a Tibetan Buddhism spiritual leader with a Jewish spiritual leader?

Rabbi Lama

TIL that Tibetan leaders can issue special forgiveness to buxom country music singers

It's known as the Dalai Pardon

What do you call the Tibetan God of Regret?

The Shoulda Coulda Woulda Buddha.

Heavy Metal Icon Rob Halford abandoned fame to live as a monk in a Tibetan monastery...

Buddhist Priest.

After visiting the US, a Tibetan monk made the mistake of meditating on his flight home.

He transcended to another plane and ended up in Albuquerque.

Went to a meeting of the Tibetan Ungulates society......

Didn't like it though. It was all "Yak yak yak"

I’d have £5 on the Dalai Lama

if i was a Tibetan man

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man's car breaks down in Tibet..

A man's car breaks down in Tibet, and wouldn't you know it? His phone gets no service. So he walks up a long windy road to a huge monastery at the top of the hill. He knocks at the reinforced double doors and a Tibetan monk after some minutes finally opens.

"My car broke down. Do you...

There is going to be a battle royal between religious leaders

I would put $20 on the Dalai Lama if I were a Tibetan man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Latvian..

an Irishman, a Chinese, a Japanese, a Kiwi, a Canuck, an Eskimo, a Fijian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Spaniard, a Mongolian, a Tibetan, a Polack, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Indian, an Italian, a Brazilian, a Kenyan, a South African, a Filipino...

A man seeks enlightenment as a Buddhist monk

So he joins a Tibetan monastry and takes a vow of silence whereby he is only permitted to say two words every five years.

After five years he appears before the elders and they ask him what he wishes to say. He says, "Food's cold."

Ten years later he appears before them again. The elde...

An old ladies dies and goes to heaven...

When she gets there, she is confused to find everyone furiously cracking eggs, dumping flour, and mixing batter.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every station.

Finally, she sees so...

In 1240 CE, the Mongols invaded Tibet

... and the Tibetan leader, Lama Sakya Pandita, marshaled all able-bodied men in Lhasa to repel the invasion. Commoners, nobility and peasants answered the summons, but Sakya's own monks hesitated. After all, they had all taken vows of nonviolence, and had not harmed so much as a fly since their i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Rare Dish

This is a long one.

An English cook is trying to build up his skills as a chef. He's been working for years learning all sorts of rare and unique dishes to serve at his mentor's restaurant.

One day a wealthy guest at the restaurant asks to meet the cook and says "While I enjoyed the me...

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