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The Ring Jokes

I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...

Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...

My wife woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy.

She’s Tolkien in her sleep.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are standing outside a jewellery shop looking at an expensive ring in the display window

The first man says, "That ring is perfect for Karen. I just wish I could afford it."

The second man says, "I was planning on proposing to Julie soon. She'd love that ring."

The third man says, "Okay, I'll make you both a deal. Whichever one of you gets to the bottom of the street first...

What do you call a boxer who doesn't last long in the ring?

A brief

the ring

My girlfriend got really excited last night when I went down on one knee and handed her the Ring. We take vintage horror movie night very seriously.

The ring leader hired the best safe cracker for their bank job...

In criminal circles he was known to crack any safe and the police never caught him. When the day of the heist came, they entered the bank, secured the building, corralled the hostages in the bank managers office and the safe cracker proceeded to the locked vault.

After a few quick inspection...

No matter how much I torture him, Gollum won’t tell me where the Ring is.

Bad hobbits are really hard to break.

I finally understand the ending of Lord of the Rings!

All those names are people who worked on the movie.

Galadriel: this is Nenya, the Ring of Adamant, and I am its keeper

Frodo: what does it do?
Galadriel: Nenya business

An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at o...

Told my wife about the ringing in my ears.

She said it’s tinnitus. I told her I’ve heard that before.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL, in the original draft of Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King, JRR Tolkien wrote that Bilbo Baggins died while having sex with a dwarf prostitute…

Apparently old hobbits die hard.

I bought myself a 6 ft boomerang with Lord of the Rings characters on it.

It’s really hard to Frodo

My university professors must really like Lord of the Rings

Whenever I ask them about my grades they just say "You shall not pass"

Did you hear? Copies of The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and The Silmarillion are considered one-of-a-kind when sold and traded.

They're Non-Fungible Tolkiens.

Wife asks: Why are you watching our wedding video backwards?

— I like the part when I take the ring off your finger, leave church and go to the bar with friends.

I don’t get how people have problems with diversity in Lord of the Rings

Legolas has been an arrow ace the whole time.

What is the name of the Shire that Gollum is from in Lord of the Rings?

The Worcestershire

What time did Tolkien finish Lord of the Rings?

At elven o'clock.

Looking for nudity in lord of the rings?

You occasionally see an entity

Which Lord of the Rings character was upset because he had no toys to play with?

Legoless.

What’s the similarity between a grenade and a wife?

You pull off the ring and then your house is gone

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for three years and finally decided to pop the question. I gave her the ring

She gave me the finger

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lord of the rings jokes

What's a musical ensemble comprised of brutish ugly elves? An orc-hestra...

Whenever I see a halfling I'm compulsed to shove them. It's a force of Hobbit.

You remember the talking trees? You never see their boobs because they're ghostly. You know: paranormal Ent-titties.

An overconfident MMA fighter entered the cage without proper warmup and had not trained for months. Subsequently he incurred a severe injury for which the doctor advised to not enter the ring ever again. Thus it is appropriately said...

A grapple a day keeps the doctor away

I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Charles Dickens wrote The Lord of the Rings, how would the novel have started?

It was the best of Shires. It was the Worcestershires.

What do you call an STD from Lord of The Rings?

Gondorrhea

Fellowship of the ring

As the fellowship of the ring was being formed Bilbo had been eavisdropping outside of the meeting, not being able to help his curiosity.
He had heard young Frodo take upon himself the burden of the ring, Sam, Merry and Pippin joining him on the foolish quest. Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas and Boromir ...

Lord of the rings

An Elf, a Dwarf, and a Wizard walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I put a mood ring on my penis and it turned purple.

The ring, however, turned orange.

I want to make a lord of the rings themed metal band called

Nightmare on helms deep

What's the difference between lord of the ring and brokeback mountain?

The color of the ring that gets destroyed

Best films of all time Lord of the rings and the Hobbit trilogies...

Now that's what I'm Tolkien about.

What would Gandalf have said if The Lord of the Rings played in a supermarket instead of Middle-Earth?

One ring to rule the mall.

What does Hannibal Lecter call the girl from The Ring?

a TV dinner

Bruce Willis has been cast to play the lead role in the upcoming Lord of the Rings sequel.

Old Hobbits Die Hard.

I hear that Legolas from the Lord of the Rings had an older brother, but he died before Legolas was born.

His name was Legofirst.

What did Mike Tyson say after going 10 rounds in the ring?

That was in tenths!

What's the difference between New York and Lord of The Rings?

Twin Towers.

There is exactly one POC in the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy.

They needed a tolkien black guy.

Lord of the rings must be about marriage

Because when you put the ring on, you disappear

What do you call it when you misplace your Lego Lord of the Rings mini figures?

A Lego Legolas Loss.

They say young men become obsessed with either "Atlas Shrugged" or "Lord of the Rings"

One is a fantasy that may cripple your ability to deal with reality, and the other is about orcs.

Did you know condoms have a serial number at the very bottom of the ring?

I guess you never had to roll it down that far.

Lord of the Rings is symbolic of Marriage

One ring rules your life, it slowly destroys you, and sometimes, death seems easier than continuing on.

I would tell some good Lord of the Rings jokes

but all the good ones ara-gone.

I wouldn't want to take the ring to Mordor.

But Elijah Wood.

I was once obsessed with "The Lord of the Rings". The books, the movies, the collectables, everything.

Finally I was able to kick the hobbit.

What is an accountant’s favourite Lord of the Rings movie?

The Return of the King

What do The Lord of the Rings and Brokeback Mountain have in common?

They're both movies about going to a mountain to destroy someone's ring.

Me and the lads did a Lord of The Rings marathon last weekend

Ran 26 miles dressed as Gandalf

Why didn't Frodo hide the ring up his ass?

Because Sam would disappear.

Did you hear about the kid who lost his lord of the rings LEGO set?

He was LEGO less.

Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.

He was Tolkien all the way through.

For you Lord of the Rings fans: "How did Pippin's wife feel after he made love to her?"

FULL OF A TOOK!

A Lord of the Rings Joke

How did Mister Baggins know when his neighbor had died?





He read it in the Hobbituary.

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