The Battle Jokes - 32 Hilarious The Battle Jokes

( This joke was made up by my eight year old son. ) Why did the letters lose the battle against the numbers?

They were outnumbered.

In the middle of the battle, I decided to use a knife to preserve my ammo.

All the other paintball players started freaking out though.

The Battle of Three Kingdoms

There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake, over which the kingdoms had been fighting for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island.

The night...

The battle between God and Satan.

An engineer dies and is accidentally sent to hell

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.

After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty p...

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No one will ever win the battle of the sexes;

there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake...

For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all. The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as thei...

Why were there only 40,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?

They only had 2 trucks

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My grandad was a WWII veteran. In just one day during the Battle of Britain, he destroyed 8 German aircraft killing a total of 32 Nazi aviators.

He was easily the worst aircraft mechanic the Luftwaffe has ever had.

Have you every heard the battle cry of a Klingon short order cook?

Perhaps today is a good day to fry!

Why did the African band win the battle of the bands?

They were Moroccan

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides

The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is humbler, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.

The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable r...

What did the y say in the final stand off during the Battle of the vowels of and Consontants?

‘We’re not so different, u and I’

During a war with the Ottoman Empire, the Habsburg army lost thousands of men in the battle of Karánsebes, and was forced to flee from the battlefield.

Then the Ottomans arrived.

I don't know why it's said they lose the battle with cancer when someone dies from it

I mean, at the moment of death, both you AND cancer ceases to live, thats a draw.

Rip Norm.

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What's another name for the Battle Bus

Virgin Airlines

Worry not confederate flag supporters! You may have lost the battle...

But you haven't lost the w- oh right.

An Italian soldier wakes up in a hospital having been dragged out of the battle.

The doctor walks in and tells the soldier, "I'm sorry to inform you that both your arms and legs we're blown off in the heat of the fight".

The war hero starts to crying like a baby. The doctor peers round at his wife and asks, "do you think he'll be OK?"

She replies, "Would you be OK ...

In a few weeks we will all come to the realisation that we have lost the battle...

...and twenty twenty won.

I don't know who won the battle of the bands but I know who lost

The audience

Why does the French Army install Rear-view mirrors in their Tanks?

So that they can see the battle.

The Final Battle of Jesus and Satan

It's not well known but the final battle between Jesus and Satan is actually a computer programming battle. Armageddon arrives and the battle begins. Jesus and Satan are both tasked with the most complicated programming task ever given. This is the type of task even Linus Torvalds would declare i...

Dear confederate flag supporters, you may lose the battle but

You haven’t lost the wa-Oh wait....wow that’s awkward

I worked out how long the Battle Royale trend is going to last

A fortnight.

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Mulan got her period in the midst of a battle...

Mulan was fighting in a gruesome battle when all of a sudden her period came. The blood had soaked through her pants and there was no way she could hide it.

 

*Oh no what if my comrades find out I'm a woman? They aren't just gonna punish me, but my father and family too!* She ...

What did the Ottoman General say to the Sultan after the Battle of Vienna?

"Sir, we must retreat! We're Otto-men!"

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Some refer to the Battle of Little Bighorn as a fiasco, or even a "SNAFU"...

But I think it's best described as a "Custerfuck".

How is the Battle for Hogwarts like a Black Friday sale?

Weasley twins are 50% off

My friend just came back from war missing his legs below the knee cap. Without even speaking a word I knew how the battle had gone.

He was Defeeted.

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a boy was asked to think of three good quotes at school

he went home and asked his mother, she said “a fool and his money are soon parted”

he asked his father, he said “ask and you shall receive”

he asked his grandfather, who served the military, he said, “where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved”

he went ba...

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In Feudal Japan, 2 Samurai families are constantly at war...

One day, the eldest sons of the two Families got together and decided to put a stop to all the fighting and bloodshed between their clans. To the dismay of their closest relatives and companions, the two announce that they had agreed - they were going to have a duel to the death. The winner would b...

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A WW2 pilot visited a girls school.

He was talking to the pupils about his time in the battle, and he said, “I was flying in formation when three fuckers came up behind me”.

The teacher quickly interjects, “young ladies, you must understand the ‘Fokker’ is a type of German aeroplane”.

The pilot replies, “yes, but these...

Long ago, when sailing ships rules the waves

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and ...

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