Texted Jokes

And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."

I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."

I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a hand job"

A m... read more

Anybody know what "ternative" means?

"What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?...

HE ANSWERED: "I don't know?"

I REPLIED: "I'm not coming in this morning!"

I replied: "No. You're adorable."

Now she likes me. All I did was correct her typo.

Looks like it was my Destiny 2 break up with her.

The middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones.

The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend.

She texted:

If you are sleeping, sen... read more

Now she thinks I like her even though I was just correcting her grammar.

So i went over...
And no one's home

"My boyfriend has dandruff. What's the best way to remove it?" I texted my mother.

She replied, "Just give him Head & Shoulders."

20 minutes later.

I texted my mother back, "Okay. Now how do I give the shoulders?"

She does that every time she walks through a cemetery.

My wife texted me on a cold winter morning, saying "Windows frozen, won't open. "

I texted her back, "gently pour some hot water along the edges, and tap it with a hammer. "

After a few minutes she texted back, "computer is really messed up now. "

I accidentally texted my wife “I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her.”

I texted him back "Sorry, boss, I'm working at the moment, I'll send you one later."
He replied back "That was fantastic, send me another!"

I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying "I'm out for dinner with my friend Emma" because Emma was lying beside me in bed

I was relieved when she said, “Sorry, wrong number.”

"Darling, I'm at the pub having my last beer, I'll be home in 20 minutes. If I'm not, read the message again..."

A wife texted her husband: “Don’t forget to buy vegetables on your way back from the office, and Juanita says hi to you.”

Husband: Who is Juanita?

Wife: Nobody, I was just making sure you read my message.

Husband: But I’m with Juanita right now, so which Juanita are you talking... read more

My girlfriend just texted me, her dragon name was "Vaerjuam".
I was like " Hey Vaerjuam. I'm dad."

"...manslaughter?!"

So I just texted my crush.

Even after all these years, she thought I was really creepy.

Now, I don't know what to do.

Dear god, can I please go back in time and undo my actions.

Never will I do anything like that again.

Usually, she likes to joke about things,... read more

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Don't worry, she explained me that it was meant for someone else

Wait a minute, I’m getting another text. She said “oops, wrong person”

Thank god there is nothing wrong with our relationship

I told her "I don't know. Maybe the sound of my health insurance flying away woke me up."

Which is odd because I went deaf at age 12

While on her way to work, she texted me saying she only put deodorant on one side.

To which I replied, "At least you won't smell half bad!"

Daughter: Hey Dad I got a job with Quaker.

Me: With Quaker?

Daughter: Yeah, but I'm not a rich girl yet.

Daughter: I'm just haulin oats.

I wanted to end it on a high note.

She texted back saying 'no hon it's not, I do it all the time'

It said "gwi u dor srw ofjrd"

Mainly because they're really starting to crush my balls

sent at: 2001-11-06 3:35 PM

A Delhi mother was lucky enough to see her 3 daughters get married the same year, so she called them after the wedding and told them

“Dont forget to text me your first night experience and text it in code”

So……. after a week, the 1st daughter texted

“NESCAFE”

and the next... read more

Daisy called her dad, "Dad, I lost my key of the front door, I'm in front of the house and cannot enter it, can you help?"

Dad, "OK, did you call your hubby?"

Daisy, "I didn't, but he texted me back said he's in a meeting and cannot come back in a few hours."

Dad, "So, do ... read more