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Suppositories Jokes

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Suppositories

A woman hears her husband cussing up a storm From behind the bathroom door.
She knocks and asks, 'honey ,what is it?' Her husband emerges from the bathroom and says, 'The doctor prescribed suppositories for this stomach problem I've been having and no matter what I do, I just can't get the sucker...

I hate suppositories

Too bitter.

A guy was standing in line at a pharmacy...

and overheard the person in front of him purchase a box of suppositories. Not knowing what they were and unwilling to show his ignorance by asking, he decided to buy a box himself.

Upon arriving home he opened the box, slipped out one of the sheets and pressed out one suppository from the foi...

A man goes to the doctor with terrible hemorrhoids

A man goes to the doctor with terrible hemorrhoids. The doctor prescribes him suppositories to take every day then says to come back in a week. The man isn't entirely sure what a suppository is but at the pharmacy sees they're pills so he does as instructed, swallowing one every day. After a week he...

My doctor prescribed me some suppositories for my nausea.

They’re not the best medicine in the world, but they’re right up there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A constipated blonde goes to the doctor, who prescribes her with suppositories.

A week later, the blonde comes back and tells the doctor that she's still constipated.

"Did you take the suppositories like I asked you to?"

"I did, but it didn't work."

"Oh my. This had never happened to one of my patients before. My suppositories have always worked! Why didn't...

Doctor, these suppositories aren’t working!

Are you sure you’re using them the right way? Ask the doc

What do you think I’m doing?

Shoving them up my A?!&(:

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many suppositories come in a pack?

A buttload.

A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained,

The doctor examined him and explained:"I'm going to give you some suppositories.

I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you another one for later this evening."

Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to insert the suppository.

She agrees reluctantly, puts one hand on ...

Suppositories

Clarence was a farmer who lived during a period when few medications were available. When a county Doctor examined him, he found a severe case of hemorrhoids. The Doc told him he had samples of a new treatment called suppositories and gave him a handful. When Clarence next saw the Doctor at church, ...

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Did you hear about the dispensary that was selling suppositories?

It turns out they were just blowing smoke up everyone's ass.

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A visit to the doctor's

A guy went to the doctor's office complaining of a sore tail-bone.

The doctor gave him some pain-killers in a suppository.

When the guy goes back to the doctors' office he says "I don't think much of those suppositories you prescribed! They were a bastard to swallow, and for all the g...

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After being constipated for a couple weeks, a man finally decided to visit his doctor...

"Doc, I haven't pooped in weeks! Please help!"

Doc says sure, and writes him a prescription for a weeks worth of suppositories.

Man comes back the next day, "doc, I took the entire script last night, but nothing happened!"

The doc is shocked, as in his experience suppositories a...

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A man with stomach pains went to the doctor's office.

The doctor recommended that he would take five suppositories, one each evening. The man asked the doctor what a suppository was. The doctor explained that suppositories are like pills but they go into the ass instead. The doctor proceeded to show him how to take the suppositories by inserting a supp...

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Old farmer went to the doctor...

When the doctor comes in, the old farmer says, "Doc I haven't been able to shit for days."

The doc says, "I have just the thing for you." The doc then gave the old farmer some suppositories and tells him to take one when he gets home.

The farmer goes home and takes it and a day later...

Joe goes to the doctor with severe constipation

Doctor gives him two suppositories. Joe goes home and swallows them.

Next day he goes back to the doctor.

"Doc I am still badly constipated."

Doctor gives him two more suppositories, and Joe again goes home and swallows them."

He again goes back to the doctor the next day...

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Elder man can't sleep

An elder at the pharmacist:

"Doctor, I haven't been able to sleep at night for 2 days! Can you give me something?"

The pharmacist:

"Try these sleeping pill suppositories, they are very effective!"

The day after:

"Doctor, do you have anything less powerful?

T...

A man goes to a doctor...

for excruciating pains he's having in his abdomen. The doctor prescribes him suppositories, convinced that this will correct the issue.

About a week later, the doctor receives a call from the man, furious that his condition has gotten worse.

Surprised and alarmed, the doctor calmly ask...

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An illiterate man returns from hospital to his village.

The pills that the doctor gave him was too big to swallow so he asks people how to take it. No one knows so he calls his doctor

"Sir, the pills that you gave me are too big how do I take them?" Then he hangs up the phone and asks the people again

"He said these are suppositories and ha...

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Steve went to doctor and after an exam he picked his prescription

When he came home, he opens the box and sees that "pills" look a bit strange. Asks wife and she cannot figure them either. So he calls doctor.

\- "Hi doctor, I got prescription today but pills are strange and don't look like something I could swallow."

\- "That's because those are not ...

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An old redneck goes to the doctor

He's been feeling unwell since a while, and moonshine doesn't help.
The doc examines him, then gives him a prescription for suppositories.
"Have 3 of those a day, and come back next week to see how it goes! " he says.
A week later, the old redneck comes back and complains he feels eve...

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A man went to the doctor complaining of stomach cramps.

The doctor prescribed him a course of suppositories to ease the pain and told him to come back in a week.

A week later he returns. The doctor asks him how the suppositories worked.

The guy says "they were absolutely useless. For all the good they did I may as well have just shoved them...

Hus: I got a package with bullets and arabic note today

Wife: Idiot! These are suppositories and the note from doctor.

Hard to swallow

My friend says to me "I'm sick but I'm having a tough time keeping my medicine in me".
"Why don't you try taking it with food like soup or a banana?" I suggest.
A few days later I see him and he's looking a lot better.
"I tried taking my meds with a banana like you said and it worked!...

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Cleetus had a embarrassing disease

So he went to the doctor:

" Sho doc, I have this scratchy in me parts and I was thinking you may have some midicin to you know get thi old junk back on health"

The doctor examined him and diagnosed with an STD, he gave him some suppositories

" Alright Mr thoothill, this supposi...

The Greatest Old Guy Joke of all Time

There was an old guy who took suppositories as a medication. One time he went to a resaurant with his wife, she said,"What is a suppository doing in your ear." The old man says,"Oh! now I know where my hearing aids are!"

A man goes to the doctor

"can you give me something to sleep? i didn't have a good night of sleep in weeks"

the doctor gives him some suppositories and says: "use these right before you go to sleep"

the next day the man returns to the doctor. "can you give me something less effective?"

"why?"

"be...

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My doctor is an idiot

I'd been passing a bit of blood so I went in for a quick chat and an exam, and he mumbled something about how it wasn't cancer and wrote me out a prescription for some fancy doo-dads called "suppositories". The girl at the pharmacy counter blushed a bit as she handed them over - pretty little thing,...

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Ever had to force your dog into taking their medication?

It's the worst, right? You try to cover it with peanut butter, even then they know you're up to something. So it gets kinda physical, have to get in there with both hands and hold them open and push it in with your finger, hoping they don't bite you. Turns into a wrestling match, sometimes. But as i...

Hemorrhoids

Guy goes to the doctor, has a bad case of the hems.

Doctor give him some suppositories and tells him use them 3 times a day and see him a week later.

A week later he goes to the doctor and the doctor asks how he's been doing.

"Hemorrhoids are worse than ever doc, I used all the ...

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A farmer travels to the nearest town to see the doctor.

The doctor diagnoses the farmer and hands him a jar of pills, explaining, “these are suppositories, take one a day for a month.”

The farmer thanks the doctor, adding, “Doc, I’m not an educated man. What is a sup-pos-it-ory?”

The doctor humbly answers, “they’re just like any pill, excep...

Two very active seniors

Two very active seniors (Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89), living in The Villages, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter, "Are you ...

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A man goes to the doctor with some stomach issues

After a quick check up the doctor prescribes him with two anal suppositories. The doctor tells the man that he will do the first one, but that the man will have to make other arrangements in four hours for the next. The doctor put his hands on the man shoulders and rammed the pill up him. The man wa...

Originally an Arabic joke!

A small town had one pharmacy until another opened across from the old one. A guy walks in the new pharmacy and asks the pharmacists for some Aspirin the pharmacist hands him one giant tablet, the man asks, “How is this supposed to help? It’s not gonna kill me?” The pharmacist says “Oh no, you see, ...

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