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Stepdad Jokes

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A girl comes up to her stepdad and asks to borrow his car.

The stepdad denies her so she begs and begs and begs until finally the stepdad says, “fine, I’ll let you borrow the car if you drop on your knees and suck my dick.”

Disgusted, she turns around and goes back to her room.

30 mins later, she comes back to ask again because she really nee...

When does a joke become a stepdad joke?

Right when it hits you.

Today, my stepdad told me he's becoming my legal parent.

Me: I'm adopted??

Stepdad: Hi adopted, I'm dad.

My stepdad told me it was pointless to apply to med-school because I was “too stupid to be a doctor”

8 years later and one of us is an unemployed loser with a drinking problem and the other is making six figures and going to Hawaii this weekend to renew his wedding vows with my mom.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man dies, and is sent to hell.

He meets up with the Devil and the Devil says “you know what, I’m feeling generous today. I’ll let you pick out your punishment. There are three doors here, and you must choose one. Since I’m feeling extra nice, I’ll let you see them first.”

The man goes up to door number one and sees a naked...

After years of my mom telling me to bond with my stepdad...

We finally bonded over a shared annoyance of her forcing us to do bonding activities.

I guess you could call it ironic bonding.

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A Joke My Stepdad Told Me

This may be an old joke that some of you can predict, but I thought it was funny to share:


So there was this fly flying around above this river, with a fish in the river nearby.

The fish thought to himself that he could get that fly and have a nice snack if it would just drop 6 i...

I need your best Scottish joke, asap! Scottish stepdad's birthday today.

I need a good Scottish joke or two to make fun of his primitive Tartan wearin' bagpipe blowin' and Braveheart barbarian culture.

Preferably, the joke will make fun of Scots as a bunch of useless drunkards subjugated by the English.

This is becoming a bit of a birthday tradition so giv...

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Stepdad calling babestation.

"Hi there caller, you're through to Babestation. What's your name, sexy?"

"Michael. My name's Michael."

"Nice name. My stepdad's called Michael."

"Yeah, I kn... err, rub your tits a bit more for me, please."

Borrowed a pair of my stepdad’s socks the other day

He said to be careful as they were his lucky golfing socks.

“They have a hole in one.”

Stepdad, can you tell me how an elevator is different from a staircase?

No stepson

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Your first car is a lot like anal...

...you don't really want it but your stepdad gives it to you anyway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW: What does your first car and anal sex have in common?

You don’t want either one, but your stepdad is gonna give you both.

Tommy comes back off his holiday with his mum and his step dad and the teacher asks him...

"Hello Tommy, did you enjoy your holiday?"

"I did Teacher"

"And did your stepdad take you out, show you things, go exploring?"

"Yes he did teacher, he took me out rowing 1/2 a mile into the lake every day, and then I'd swim back."

"Oh, well, um, it's an awful long way to ...

My family's last name is 'Expectation'

The entire family is currently in the hospital because of my stepdad, he started with me and said that for once in his life he'd beat all expectations

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