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Stay Healthy Jokes

Hope you all stay healthy

Cuz the future doctors are cheating in their exams rn

What does gold eat to stay healthy?

Karats.

Formula one drivers stay healthy

Because they breakfast

They always told me to put 5 colors on my plate to stay healthy.

So how did I get diabetes on my M&M only diet?

In order to stay healthy during this pandemic, I’ve been dancing in public while insulting people.

I practice social diss dancing.

How do Catholic church priests stay healthy?

They exorcise.

I figured I could never quit smoking, so I decided to at least stay healthy in other ways. Every time I had a smoke I would do 10 push-ups.

I’m still out of shape, but I haven’t touched a cigarette in months...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. Delighted, the genie says "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately shouts out "I want a billion pounds." *POOF*, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50 The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." *POOF*, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now wel...

A rabbit goes for a run through the forest

As he’s running a cones across a possum about to light up a joint. The rabbit says, “Oh no! Mr. Possum! Don’t do that! It’s so bad for you. Come running with me and stay healthy!” The possum looks at his joint and decides they the rabbit is right and he needs to get healthy. So off they go for a run...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am so constipated.

I have not taken a shit since 2020.

***HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM AUSTRALIA. MAY YOU ALL STAY HEALTHY AND SHIT WELL.***

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Man walks around with a dead fish in his pocket instead of wearing a mask

In thier community almost all of them caught the virus and this guy never did. The community head was curious and invited him to learn his secret and to talk to him as the smell was harassing this community.
Man came to the head's with the dead fish in pocket.

Man: I will talk to you only...

Treadmill joke.

So, I wake up early, drink some energy drinks and ride my treadmill to stay healthy. I'm feeling very confident with my workout and put in more time, running harder and for longer. Eventually I want to continue my success onto the rowing machine and so I start to wrap up, looking to the little scree...

A couple is playing golf, when accidentally the ball flies out of the field and breaks a window of a nearby house

The house looks quite expensive, and the couple is very nervous, wondering how much they have to pay for the window. They knock the door, and a middle aged man opens it.

The husband apologizes: “Good afternoon sir. I and my wife were playing golf here. We didn’t mean it, but we have to apolog...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The pope has a check up with a doctor...

And the doctor tells him, "for the most part, you're in perfect health, but your prostate is inflamed and could develop into something real painful very soon."
"Okay well is there anything I can do to help that?" asks the pope.
"Yes," says the doctor eyeing him. "But it's going to be difficult...

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