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Speed Bump Jokes

I have a fear of speed bumps

But I am slowly getting over it

An old feller and the new city speed bumps

One day an old man is sitting with his daughter at breakfast, “have you driven by the parks lately?” He ask his daughter. The daughter replies “no, why do you ask dad?” The old man says “well every time I drive by the parks I hit these new speed bumps they put in, they scream if you drive too fast. ...

What’s the difference between a pedestrian and a speed bump?

You slow down for speed bumps

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You ever hit a speed bump, look back and say...

Well shit that speed bump just barked

They just put speed bumps outside the local school.

Well I hope it was a speed bump.

Did you hear the one about the speed bump and the cymbal?

Ba-dum, tish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After my wife and I consummated our marriage during the honeymoon, she sat me down to address the first speed bump of our lifelong commitment. "Darling I know this is something men are very sensitive about, but really, having a small penis should never ruin the love between spouses."

She's absolutely right, but you know... I still wish she didn't have one

A group of nuns from a local convent were out for their Sunday bike ride through the suburbs

They were quite a site, seven in a row on one of those seven seater tandem bikes, headed, of course by a Mother Superior. They went over a speed bump. In unison, they all let out an excited "OOOOOOOOOH!' The Mother Superior turned around and looked at them sternly. She admonished the nuns, "Sisters,...

I don’t see the point in speed bumps

If anything they slow you down

What do you call a family of geese crossing a road?

speed bumps

What do you call a man that has no arms and no legs trying to cross the street?

Speed bump

I love taking my blind daughter out for drives

Every time I hit a speed bump I tell her it was a dog.

When you’re driving by the playground

And one of the speed bumps screams

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sh!t, shut up and manners

There were three women, they were very high when they were giving birth to their children so of course the names would’ve been weird the first mother named her Child shit and the other mother named her Child shut up and the other mother named her Child manners.

One day 20 years later shit, sh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do gays refer to hemorrhoids?

Speed bumps.

What does "Maginot Line" mean in German?

"Speed bump ahead."

What’s the driver say after he felt a “bump, ba-bump” under his car?

When did they put speed bumps in the park?

Expert in Peugeot

A guy buys a new Peugeot and takes his 3 friends out for a ride.

He's going fast, over the speed limit, violently hitting speed bumps.

First guy says: "Hey man, you're going a bit fast, slow down a bit"
Driver: "Are you an expert in Peugeot?"
Guy: "No"
Driver: "T...

HOW TO DRIVE IN ATLANTA

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, Atlana. Old-timers are still allowed to call it Alana.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on I-285 is...

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