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Speak Clearly Jokes

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Speak clearly

A man and woman hook up at a bar. They go back to his place and things quickly start getting hot. Soon they are both naked in bed. He is kissing her all over her body and soon his face is in her crotch licking and kissing her. She hears a muffled voice coming from between her legs saying "urinate, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why couldn't the pony speak clearly?

He was a little hoarse.

Went to a restaurant last night and the waitress had a black eye. I ordered slow and made sure to speak clearly.

Because she obviously doesn't listen.

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Two guys are out on a boat in the middle of a lake.

One guy takes out a cigar and asks the other if he has a lighter on him.
His friend pulls out one of those long lighters and passes it to him.
He says “wow that’s quite a lighter you keep on you.”
His friend responds, “yeah I got it from a genie.”
“A genie?” He asks, “you really have a g...

I was at a job interview and the interviewer asked me about punctuality

I went on about how it was good to speak clearly and politely, and it was nice to use proper grammar in speech and writing.

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke

He asks the other guy if he has a lighter.
He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter.
Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?". The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie.".
The first man asks "Can I make a wish? ".
Sure says the other man.
"Ju...

One day Jim exists his house and

He sees John with a huge rock in the yard. "Where did you get the rock?" Asks Jim. John answers that there is a goldfish in the pond nearby, and if he manages to catch him, it will grant him a wish. The only problem is that the goldfish has hearing problems, so he will need to speak clearly and loud...

Two guys are out hunting in the middle of now where...

After climbing a particularly steep hill to get a vantage point, one man collapses. He then starts frothing from the mouth and convulsing.

Managing to get one bar of service on his mobile phone, the other man dials emergency services.

Operator: 911, what's your emergency?

Man: I...

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Amanda and Bob are walking through the village on a hot day, both very thirsty.

They both see their friend Carl walking to his house with a bucket full of water in his hands. Bob asks him "Carl, where'd you get all that water you're carrying?" to which Carl responds "Oh, I went down to the... uhh... the hole in the plaza that goes down into the earth and there's water at the bo...

A guy goes in his car and gets out of the parking lot...

When suddenly, while going in reverse, he hits something with his car.
He immediately goes out and sees an Italian guy unconscious.
He takes him immediately to the hospital.
The sentence is clear: The guy is in a coma.
He anxiously waits outside for him to wake up.
After some time, he...

I had an interviewer at a company called Transparency, but I didn't get the job.

Apparently I didn't speak clearly enough.

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Unhappy man with his little dude

A old man walks into a bar and sits down to have a drink. He quietly orders a beer when suddenly this tiny dude pops out of his shirt pocket. The bartender is amazed, “I’ve never such a tiny dude before.!” The old man quietly grumbles as he pulls out a tiny piano and places it on the bar. Immediatel...

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink...

He sees another guy drinking, and notices he is sitting next to a tiny person playing a piano on the bar.

"Nice piano player" the guy says. "Where did you get that."

The drinking guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lamp. "Here, rub the lamp and you will get three wishes." He sa...

So a man is at a bar...

So there was a guy at a bar drinking and minding his own business. Suddenly, a man walks in carrying a very large duffel bag. He sits down at the bar, and places his bag on the counter. **POOF!** Out popped a little man from the bag who looked around, and then jumped back in the bag. A few moments l...

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curing a s-st-stutter

A man walks into a doctor's office and tells him, "D-d-doc-doctor... m-my wife s-s-s-sent me here to s-s-see if y-y-y-y-you c-c-can fix m-m-my s-st-stutter."

"Damn, I can barely understand you myself," said the doctor. Go on into the exam room, take off your clothes. I'll be in there in a min...

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A man walks into a bar and starts talking to the guys there.

He and the guys have a great conversation, and they are all very interested in what everyone has to say. Eventually one of the guys asks, "Do any of you guys have any cool tricks to show us?"

The man who just walked in says, "Actually, yes I do have a trick!" He pulls a very small man out of ...

A Chinese mother with a terrible stutter

There once was a Chinese woman named Wei, and her family had decided to move to America ever since Wei was 14 years of age. Though this was hard for Wei because her language transition didn't go over so well. She could speak clearly, but she'd always find herself stuttering on the last word.

...

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