UPJOKE
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Shelley Jokes

Did you hear about who went to DMX’s funeral?

There was Brenda, LaTisha (uh), Linda, Felicia (okay)
Dawn, LeShaun, Ines, and Alicia (ooh)
Theresa, Monica, Sharron, Nicki (uh-huh)
Lisa, Veronica, Karen, Vicky (damn)
Cookie, well I met her in a ice cream parlor (aight?)
Tonya, Dianne, Lori and Carla (okay)
Marina (uh) Selena (uh...

When my grandfather came to America he was told the streets were paved with gold

And when he got to America he found out three things:

1. That the streets were not paved with gold
2. That the streets were not paved
3. That he was gonna be the guy paving them

[old Shelley Berman joke, told by Lorne Michaels in Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee]

Deleted scene from The Shining

[Jack Nicholson chops into door with axe]

[Shelley Duvall screams]

[Jack Nicholson sticks his head through the hole in the door] HEEEEERE'S JOURNEY!!!

["Any Way You Want It" starts playing]

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