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When I was younger, I stole a cookie after Sunday school. As I was creeping away, I was caught red handed by a priest.

I was fucked.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Today a young man was detained after being caught red handed with a giant magnifying glass. He'd been focusing the light to a small dot on to peoples bottoms until they caught fire.

He was prosecuted for arse-sun

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Caught red handed

I walked in on my wife masturbating while on her period again.

An English woman finds out her husband is cheating on her

She is distraught, fueled by anger - so much so that she decides the only course of action is to have him killed. In her grief, she contacts and old friend who works amongst the criminal underbelly of London. He recommends she seek out a specific hitman, known in the business as Big Artie. He is eff...

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I refused to have sex with my girlfriend because she was on her period

I found her in masturbating in the bathroom the next day. Caught her red handed

My friend was repeatedly accused of fingering girls while they were on thier period.He denied it.

Eventually they caught him red handed.


(Sorry for my english).

A boy asks his dad a question

A boy asks his dad "Why do they say gardeners have green thumbs,when their thumbs are not green?"

The dad replies,"It's just a saying son,It's like when somebody is caught stealing,they say they have been caught 'red handed',even though their hands is black."

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A man is jacking off on a plane

There are no other people in his row as the plane is relatively empty. So he's been going at it for a couple of minutes now, but suddenly an air hostess catches him red handed.
"Sir! This is not appropriate behaviour! Please stop this act immediately!"
"No way woman! I'm right about to ejacula...

I played "I've got your nose" with a clown

... but the police caught me red handed

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Female Masturbation

My woman told me that she would never play with her self when she was on her period. .

But I caught her red handed !!

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I used to have a secret fetish for used tampons, but it's not so secret anymore.

I was caught red handed.

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A concerned wife goes to her husband...

"Honey, I know we said we would wait to give our little girl the birds and the bees talk, but I think it's about time."

He inquiries as to why she thinks this. Their daughter, while almost a teen, is still rather young.

"Well, I caught her masturbating."

"~~Prosperous~~ Prepost...

Did you hear about the guy who broke into a paint factory?

he was caught red handed

When I was married to my first wife, sometimes she would borrow my car.

She would nag about every little thing, all the time.


So, one day, she found a cigarette in my car.


She knew that I had given up smoking and immediately assumed that it MUST belong to β€œmy girlfriend.”


Here she comes, waving it in my face as if she just caught me red ...

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An old lady, a blond chick with big tits, an American guy and a Canadian guy...

...are all sitting together on a train traveling through the Rockey Mountains. As they pass through a tunnel it becomes pitch black and a lout SLAP breaks the silence. As the train emerges from the tunnel, the American guy has a bright red hand print on his face.

The old lady thinks "That g...

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Bill, Hillary, Donald and Melania were sitting together in the train

... when the train went through a tunnel and the compartment reverberated with the noise of a tight SLAP! When the train came out the Donald had a swelling red hand print on his face. Bill thought, "Stupid buffon must have grabbed Hillary's pussy". Donald thought, "Bill must have grabbed Melania's...

Little Johnny stole the cookies from the cookie jar....

Upon catching Johnny red handed, as in the fact that there were cookie crumbs on his hands, Johnnie's dad, a doctor, got angry and said, "*You're in trouble* young man!"

Sulking, Little Johnny wallowed in his corner of shame. Before long, he was diagnosed with diabetes and dies due to OD-ing ...

Old School Pirate Crime

Captain Normal Beard the up-and-coming pirate captain and his first mate Clumsy Edward were in desperate need of ink in order to make the numerous treasure maps they were sure create during all of their treasure-filled journeys. More than anything they needed red ink for the illustrious X's that wil...

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