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Red Hand Jokes

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My girlfriend said we couldn't have sex while she had her period, but I walked in on her masturbating

caught her red handed.

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When I was younger, I stole a cookie after Sunday school. As I was creeping away, I was caught red handed by a priest.

I was fucked.

A boy asks his dad a question

A boy asks his dad "Why do they say gardeners have green thumbs,when their thumbs are not green?"

The dad replies,"It's just a saying son,It's like when somebody is caught stealing,they say they have been caught 'red handed',even though their hands is black."

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Today a young man was detained after being caught red handed with a giant magnifying glass. He'd been focusing the light to a small dot on to peoples bottoms until they caught fire.

He was prosecuted for arse-sun

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A man is jacking off on a plane

There are no other people in his row as the plane is relatively empty. So he's been going at it for a couple of minutes now, but suddenly an air hostess catches him red handed.
"Sir! This is not appropriate behaviour! Please stop this act immediately!"
"No way woman! I'm right about to ejacula...

Why did the burglar wear Blue gloves?

He didn't want to get caught Red handed!

An English woman finds out her husband is cheating on her

She is distraught, fueled by anger - so much so that she decides the only course of action is to have him killed. In her grief, she contacts and old friend who works amongst the criminal underbelly of London. He recommends she seek out a specific hitman, known in the business as Big Artie. He is eff...

My friend was repeatedly accused of fingering girls while they were on thier period.He denied it.

Eventually they caught him red handed.


(Sorry for my english).

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Female Masturbation

My woman told me that she would never play with her self when she was on her period. .

But I caught her red handed !!

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I used to have a secret fetish for used tampons, but it's not so secret anymore.

I was caught red handed.

I played "I've got your nose" with a clown

... but the police caught me red handed

Did you hear about the guy who broke into a paint factory?

he was caught red handed

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An old lady, a blond chick with big tits, an American guy and a Canadian guy...

...are all sitting together on a train traveling through the Rockey Mountains. As they pass through a tunnel it becomes pitch black and a lout SLAP breaks the silence. As the train emerges from the tunnel, the American guy has a bright red hand print on his face.

The old lady thinks "That g...

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Bill, Hillary, Donald and Melania were sitting together in the train

... when the train went through a tunnel and the compartment reverberated with the noise of a tight SLAP! When the train came out the Donald had a swelling red hand print on his face. Bill thought, "Stupid buffon must have grabbed Hillary's pussy". Donald thought, "Bill must have grabbed Melania's...

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A concerned wife goes to her husband...

"Honey, I know we said we would wait to give our little girl the birds and the bees talk, but I think it's about time."

He inquiries as to why she thinks this. Their daughter, while almost a teen, is still rather young.

"Well, I caught her masturbating."

"~~Prosperous~~ Prepost...

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