Five Finger Jokes - 11 Hilarious Five Finger Jokes

What has five fingers and isn't your hand?

My hand.

In America, "five finger discount" means you're shoplifting

In Saudi Arabia, "five finger discount" means you got caught shoplifting.

I love Five Finger Death Punch.

I'll always be their biggest fan from the cradle to the grave.

Why did the audience get mad after the show of the five fingers?

The middle finger forgot to bow.

What has five fingers and will never get old?

Unvaccinated Children .

What did the five fingers say to the face?

SLAP

RIP Charlie Murphy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was with a woman the other night, she told me she was very tight down there..

So we're going at it, and she asks me to put a finger in her. I proceeded with not problem.

Things were getting hotter and wetter...so she asked me to insert another finger. I complied.

It was obvious she was having fun, but after a few minutes, she asked me to add a third one. Guess w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me five shots of vodkas."

The bartender brings the drinks, raises an eyebrow and empathetically asks, "What up, man. Rough day?"

The man downs his first shot and says, "Just found out my eldest son is gay. I ain't prejudice, but I was raised how I was raised. I just need a bit of spirit to accept it."

Two night...

O’Malley is leaving his favourite bar when he is run over by a bus. He gets to the gates of heaven and St Peter tells him he cannot enter unless he passes a test.

O’Malley agrees to try as he never was the brightest bulb in the box.

St Peter decides to go easy on him. “What has five fingers and is made of black leather?” he asks.
O’Malley scratches his head, thinks hard and finally gives up.
“It’s a glove,” says St Peter. “

Let’s try again...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mime competition

(please note: this joke works best if you actually do the signs when you tell it)

A bar is having a mime competition, and the finalists are an Englishman and an American.

The Englishman starts, putting his hand into a fist.
The American replies, placing his hand in front of him...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a mixed feeling about shaggy dog stories.

On one hand, I enjoy them a lot. A joke that takes that much of a setup and has such a tiny payoff is great, not only because the former is disproportionately larger than the latter, but because it can be so anticlimactic it's downright silly. It's a great kind of joke to tell unsuspecting people, e...

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