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Pronto Jokes

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An East End gang boss had always been very careful with whom he employed, for fear of being grassed up...

He thought he'd been really clever in hiring a crooked accountant who was deaf and dumb. There wasn't
much of a risk that he would overhear too much. However, it quickly dawned on the boss that
someone was stealing money from him. A lot of money. And it didn't take long for him to discover it<...

Armed man storms into a sperm bank wearing a ski mask

He shouts "**everybody hit the floor!**" and shoots his gun twice at the ceiling. Everybody hits the floor in muffled panic. He then approaches the main desk and accosts the lady behind the counter:

\- **you! bank lady! where is the storage vault?**

\+ it's downstairs but--

\- ...

What do you call a dinosaur that's always in a hurry?

A pronto-saurus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

President Trump looked out the Oval Office window one winter morning -- and called in the FBI

The President was *furious* because someone had written "Fuck Trump" in yellow snow. "I want to know what loser did that, pronto!"

A few hours later, the FBI presented the results of their investigation. "Mr. President, the urine is Steve Bannon's, -- and the hand-writing is Melania's."
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 3 Little Pigs

There were once three little pigs, named Jiggs, Willie, and Elmer. They lived a nice quiet life in their houses made of straw, wood, and brick, respectively. But wouldn't you know it, the Big Bad Wolf came strolling into town one day, hungry for some porkchops and maybe a little applesauce on the si...

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