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Police Report Jokes

Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it got mugged!
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Why did the salami fill out a police report?

Because it was a salted meat.
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I filed a police report about my missing bag yesterday and a few hours later, the cops called to say that they found it.

It was a brief case.
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Why did Thor file a police report?

Because someone stole his thunder.
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Never trust people who sketch facial composites for police reports.

They're con artists.
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An airplane crashes onto an old cemetery

The police reports over 3.500 dead people
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A Two-Fold Accident

A man gets into a car accident along a busy avenue. His car is completely totaled, the bumper fell off, the lights are all shattered, there's glass everywhere. Irate, he gets out of his car and begins to yell at the other driver. The other driver peeks out of his window, wearing a bright orange hat....
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Me: “According to Waze, someone got decapitated on the interstate”

Wife: “What? Seriously?”

Me: “Yeah, apparently police reported ahead”
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A group of mathematicians were recently caught for robbing,

According to the police reports, their days were numbered.
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One day, a man stole a copy of the Bible.

The rightful owner filed a police report, but there was no evidence left behind nor any leads on who might've stolen it, so the case fell to the wayside. As there was nothing particularly special about this Bible compared to other copies, the rightful owner bought a new copy and forgot about the ord...
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An apple

A sudden desert storm had made a traveler lost his direction. The only thing he had was an apple. It was so precious, whenever he was thirsty or hungry, he would only look at the apple, then he would walk again full of hope.

Unfortunately, he still died in the desert. It was written on the po...
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Did you hear about the guy who was pelted to death by dice?

Yeah, the police reports state that he died to death.
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there has been a shooting at the Westboro Baptist church...

police report 3 dozen cheerful bystanders, yet nobody claims to have seen who did it.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Emerson, Lake, and Palmer walk into a bar. . .

RESUBMITTING WITHOUT LINKS



Picture it. June, 1971. London.



Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are celebrating the release of their album Tarkus at the Seven Stars Pub.



Very quickly, both ELP and their BACs are riding high.

Nothing can spoil t...

Did you hear about the circus fire in your area recently?

Police reports state that it was intense.


One of my favorite jokes for a long time; great if asked seriously to people you know.
Bonus Balloons!
http://imgur.com/DLxru
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