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Platonic Jokes

I like you, in a plutonic way.

"Don't you mean 'platonic'?"

No, plutonium, like radioactive exposure, the longer I'm with you the more I feel like dying.

Anybody wanna be in a platonic relationship?

I'm asking for a friend.

Platonic friendships are like chess. They're fun, engaging, and can last a long time...

but someone's always wondering "how many moves until mate?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Platonic

I bought a sex doll that was so realistic, it wanted to remain friends

Some people have platonic relationships. Me and my wife have a Socratic one

We argue all the time

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What do you call it when a guy helps his female friend without expecting sex?

A Platonic solid.

A priest visits his cousin, who is also a priest.

The two priests, both in their forties, sit down to dinner.

The visiting priest says, "Cousin, I couldn't help noticing that your housekeeper is quite a young and attractive woman. I take it relations between the two of you are not always completely platonic?"

"How dare you! I am a man...

What do you call a group of platonic bulls?

Brovines.

A man and a woman who don't know each other are riding on a train.

It is late, and there is only one cabin left, so they agree they'll share it together. "On the condition that you realize this is strictly platonic" says the woman. The man takes the top bunk, the woman the bottom, and soon they are fast asleep. In the middle of the night the woman feels a tap on...

What'll happen if you read too much Plato?

You become Platonic

They say reading is hot. So I started studying philosophy.

Now all of my relationships are platonic.

Why didn't the octahedron date the tetrahedron?

They were platonic solids

My Plus One

Platonic friend and I are going to celebrate 5 years of friendship. I approached her and said, “Look, we’ve been hanging out together for 5 years now, and I think it’s time we take this to the next level.” Wide-eyed, she nodded. I looked deep into her eyes, then farted.

[OC] What’s the difference between a fault line and a robot who just wants to be friends?

What’s the difference between a fault line and a robot who just wants to be friends?

One is a tectonic plate and the other is platonic tech

Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?

Because cubes are platonic solids.

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In one of my philosophy courses, the professor discussed the sex life of some famous ancient philosophers. Apparently, Plato was incredibly unlucky with the ladies.

Most of his relationships were platonic

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Why did the cube refused to fuck icosahedron?

Because their relationship was solidly platonic.

Girl, forget chemistry, you and I have solid *geometry*

Because our points are maximally separated, and it’s perfectly platonic.

I thought that that cute geometrician was helping me out because she had a thing for me...

Turns out she was just doing me a platonic solid.

"My wife's having a relationship with the Speaker of the House of Representatives"

"Boehner?"

"No, she assures me it's completely platonic."

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A lich walks into a tavern

The whole place fell silent. The customers have heard tales of their existence, but most have never seen a lich before. The lich plops himself down at the bar counter, a few seats away from a human warrior and his busty mage companion. They exchanged looks.

"Whoa," the mage whispered. "It's a...

Brian's roommate and the gravy ladle

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian’s mother couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Brian’s roommate Jennifer was. Brian’s Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.
...

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