How I plan on never becoming a Grandparent..

I’ll be naming my daughter pregnant so when a guy meets her.

Guy: Hi, I’m Paul.

Her: Hi, I’m pregnant.

Case closed.

I'm an atheist, but I plan on converting to Christianity on my deathbed.

I figure better safe than sorry. I don't want to end up in hell with the Evangelicals.

In honor of Paul Walkers birthday I plan on having a Paul Walker shot

It’s an Irish car bomb followed by a shot of fireball.

How does Donald Trump plan on deporting millions of illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan

I didn't plan on getting a brain transplant...

But then I changed my mind.

Just finished buying the family Christmas tree and as the clerk was tying it down he asked me, "So you plan on putting this up yourself then?"

"No you sicko- I was thinking in front of the window in the den."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I plan on opening a sex robot brothel...

It'll be called "The Uncanny Valley"

I plan on living forever.

So far, so good.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you plan on having sex with an Amish chick, do it when the sun is out,

Because they're Mennonite.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Young men of reddit, do you plan on getting married someday? I tell you, marriage is a lot of work, but it's worth it. You will do things you never though yourself capable of...

For instance, someday, you'll fuck a fat woman.

How does Elon musk plan on populating mars?

SpaceX

I plan on starting a geek rap band...

I think I'll call it Run-D.L.L.

How many NBA finals does Lebron plan on losing?

not 1 not 2 not 3 not 4 not 5 not 6 not 7

You have to be born in the 1940's and been a teenager in 1957 in order to get this joke

Its 1957 and Bob goes to pick up his date.
Peggy Sue's Father invites him in.

He asks Bob what they plan on doing.

Bob politely responds that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in.

Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man turns 18

His uncle offers to take him to the local brothel for his birthday. The young man happily agrees hoping to finally lose his virginity.

They show up at the brothel and the young man is brought back to a private room by a very beautiful woman.

Woman: “You can undress and lay on the bed...

An English lady, while vacationing in Switzerland, fell in love with a small town and the surrounding countryside.

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes into the US Postal Services to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."


"OK, have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."
The interviewer says, "that will give you 5 extra points toward empl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four lawyers and engineers are travelling on the train

The lawyers all bought their tickets, but the engineers only bought one. The lawyers think the engineers are gonna get kicked off the train. The ticket inspector comes, the lawyers show their tickets, and the engineers run into the bathroom. The inspector knocks on the door, and the engineers give t...

A man with no arms applies to be the local church bell squire.

The pastor looks him over and says - Well, we didn't get alot of interest in the posting, so the job is yours, but I'm not sure how you plan on pulling the rope to the bell?
The man climbs up to the church steeple and runs at the bell as fast as he can. BOOOONG! He hits it with his face and it so...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.