Old Country Jokes - 31 Hilarious Old Country Jokes

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.

Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:

1. A Bi...

There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.

They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.

The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."

The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.

The old country man then goes, "Tim...

Two Immigrants from the old country

Come to America. One says to the other, "we are in America now. We have to act like Americans."

So as they walk, the come across a hot dog vendor with many customers crowding the cart. One immigrant turns to the other and says, "They eat dogs here?" The other immigrant says, "I guess they do....

One night a man is driving down and old country road.

He comes across what looks like a Catholic mission in the middle of nowhere. On an old hand-written sign he sees "Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution".

He's been on a bit of a dry spell so he thinks, "What the hell, I gotta see this!"

He pulls over and knocks on the door. A ...

So we were driving down an old country road and we saw some bales.

I was surprised to see them so I waved at the bales and said, "hay bales!"

A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season. He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove. He decided he would set up a Christmas light display.

It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventually through the sweat of his farmhands and an absurd number of extension cords, he was finished. When sunset came, the first car to come down that road got an amazing sight.

The entire fence was covered in lights! Fenc...

KGB Joke, from old country

This was definitely a response to that thread about the passport staples

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Four men are staying in a hotel room. Three have opened a bottle of vodka and are getting pretty rowdy, while the fourth is trying to get some sleep. He leaves the room and asks the concierge for some t...

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Old country road

A young man walks down country road every day by an old man and his banjo sitting on his porch.

Walking down the country road on his first day of summer, he was carrying chicken wire. The old man asked, “hey boi, where ye goin with that there chicken wire” To which the boy replied, “I’m goin...

Giuseppe and Luigi were life-long friends from the old country.

They both moved to America, had good careers, retired, and now met in the park every day. One day, Luigi got to the park and Giuseppe wasn't there. Giuseppe was always there first. For 15 years, Luigi never got to the park first. He was so worried about his friend.

Suddenly, a limousine pulls...

[Long] boudreaux and thibodeaux were a pair of good old country boys.

Boudreaux grew up to be a baptist pastor and thibodeaux became a catholic priest. These good friends even had their churches right across the street from each other.

Well one day boudreaux was putting a sign in his church yard and that thibodeaux was putting up the exact same one. The both s...

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A post today reminded me of a joke my grandparents told me from the old country

http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/1ko1i5/my_wife_just_called_me_at_work_and_said_um_youd/

Theres a famous joke that my great grandparents told me. Its whats called a "Chelm Story". In jewish folk tales there is a mystical city of fools called Chelm. In a typical Chelm story, a jew would ...

Why are so many Italian men named Tony?

When they ship them over from the Old Country, they stamp "To N.Y." on them...

An american comes back to the old country and is trying to explain his childhood friend what america is all about. "I jump in my truck in the morning and drive all day, and by night I still have not reached the other side of my farm"

"I know, I got a car just like that"

A man walks into a bar

He sits at the bar and orders a drink, and looks around. There's only one other man at the bar, so he decides to sit next to him and strike up a conversation.

"So, there, where do you do for a living?"

"Ah, I'm just a simple farmer."

"No fooling? I'm a farmer too. Barkeep! B...

Last night I was driving down an old country road when I hit a pedestrian going 50 mph. It seemed to take forever for help to arrive.

That's the last time I use that towing company.

A man moved to New York from India and he opened a lunch counter where he served traditional Indian foods and sandwiches to go. He decorated it in Indian style to remind him of his home city and hired his friends and neighbors from the old country to work there.

You might say he was setting up a little Delhi.

FIL marriage advice

My father in law once told me the secret to a great marriage. On your 5th wedding anniversary take your wife to the old country.

On your 40th anniversary go back and get her.

The allied prisoners

During World War II, four prisoners are captured and brought back to a German base, set to await the death penalty in their cells. The prisoners are a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman and an Englishman.

One morning, a German officer comes in and tells the prisoners, "You are to be lined up a...

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Good Polish Joke

A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of Polish vodka. As the bartender slides the drink to the patron, a man sitting next to him remarks, "That's a coincidence, I, too, am enjoying a Polish vodka. Since

I arrived from the old country, this is the only bar in which I have found it."
...

No Loan! Jewish parable from 1948

Two chance acquaintances, both recent arrivals from Poland, met on Delancey Street in New York's East Side.

"Hello! How's business?"

"Alright."

"In that case, will you lend me five dollars?"

"Why should I lend you five dollars? I hardly know you!"

"A funny thing! I...

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Life lessons,truly

A boy and his daddy are driving down an old country road. The boy looks out the window of the truck and sees 2 dogs getting it on on the side of the road. He turns, and looks at his father and asks "Dad,what's all that about?"
His father thinks quickly,then replies
"Well, son that right the...

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An Italian man is looking wistfully out at his fields...

It's spring, and for decades and decades now, he's always planted tomatoes, a tradition he brought over all the way from the old country to his adopted home in the US.

Unfortunately, he's getting old, and the work of turning the soil over to prepare for planting the tomatoes is beyond his bod...

Two immigrants

Two immigrants arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between the Old Country and the U.S. One of them says that he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two '...

Blonde dyes her hair brown, because she's tired of all the blonde jokes

this blonde girl dies her hair brown because she's tired of all the jokes she decides to take a ride one day in her convertible. She's got the top down and she's cruising up an Old country road.And comes across this sheep herder. So she stops and pokes her head over the convertible and says excuse m...

chicken with 3 legs

So this guy in a sports car is driving down an old country road. He looks over and there is a Rooster running right along side him. In his disbelief he looks at the speedometer...15mph.

So he speeds up to 25 and the Rooster speeds up. Next he realizes that the Rooster is speeding up and he al...

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A New Suit

Joe was a successful lawyer, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his career and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across an old country doctor who solved the problem....

Immigrants speak the best English.

Three paisanos from the old country are trying to impress each other with the big words they have learned in English.

One says, “My wife can’t have more children. That means she’s inconceivable.”

The second says, “That’s too bad, but you used the wrong word, you mean she’s impregnabl...

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Son of a Bitch

A priest was fishing in the old country when he caught a really big fish. He hauled it up on the bank and this guy walked up and looked at it. He looked over at the priest and said, "Wow, that's a big son of a bitch!" The priest looked over and said, My son, I'm a man of the cloth. You shouldn't ta...

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Irishman walks into a bar in the states and walks to the Bar and orders 3 pints...

And the bartender says, i’m sorry sir here in the states we can only serve you one at a time. The Irishman responds by explaining “you see it comes from when me and me’ two brothers left the old country to different parts of the world, and we said every Saturday we would enter a pub and order 3 pint...

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GEORGE and me MADDY

(Best told in my best drunken Irish accent) Old couple driving home.

George: Madeline, me Maddy, for 50 years we’ve driven this old country road.

M: Aye George we have, the same fences to our right lit by the pale moonlight.

G: Do you remember sometimes we’d pull the car off to ...

Jeremy Clarkson on the farm.

After a disastrous first year on the farm Jeremy Clarkson hatches a new plan and gets ten sows and a hog to make lots of piglets.
He calls the vet and asks for any help and what to look for. The old vet tells him if the hog has been successful the sows will be asleep on their backs with all for ...

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