This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came home from a night out, saw my Dad sat on the sofa. Smiling I said 'last night I lost my virginity' he was delighted! Tapped the sofa and said 'You're a man now son, tell me all about it ....'

I said 'I can't Dad, my arse is killing me'

My wife and I were leaving for our night out.

Our babysitter smiled and said, 'Take as long as you like.'

That was three years ago. I hope she likes being a parent.

A teenage boy takes a quadriplegic girl on a date to dinner and the movies. At the end of the night out, he drives her back home and they start making out in his car.

He tells the girl he feels uncomfortable doing this where her parents could come outside and catch them in the act. She says not to worry because she has a place they can go.

So he helps her in her chair and she tells him to wheel her into the backyard. When they get in the back, she shows hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 middle aged women go out on the town for a girls night out

At the end of the night, they both have been drinking so much that they decide to walk home. Halfway home, they both have to piss pretty badly. Nothing is open at 3AM, so they duck into a graveyard they’re passing by to squat behind a couple of tombstones. They both realize that they have nothing to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After a night out at the pub with his buddies, Carl came home rather drunk.

He slid into bed, kissed his wife on the cheek and fell into a deep sleep.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “You died in your sleep, Carl.”

Carl was stunned. “I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!”

St. Peter said, “Hmm, perh...

Before our night out, my wife said that she didn't want me to get dressed up.

No point arguing with her.

So I slipped into my suit and tie while lying on the floor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A night out with 1$ [NSFW ?]

Two men only have a dollar for their night out and they want to get wasted.

So they go into a night shop and buy a sausage. The first bar they go in they order 2 beers each.

When they decide to leave, one takes out the sausage and places it between his legs. The other bends over and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two wives have a night out

They decide to walk home, but on the way both have a desperate need to pee.
They nip into a cemetery, do the deed and realise they have nothing to wipe themselves with.
So one uses her underwear and the other grabs a wreath and uses that.
Next day there husbands are talking on the phone, vo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three married women are having a "girls only" night out

**NOTE: I'm TRYING TO TRANSLATE THIS JOKE FROM MY LANGUAGE TO ENGLISH HOPE IT TRANSLATES WELL AND SORRY FOR BAD GRAMMAR**

They are enjoying a lovely evening talking about their lives as they usually do every week when they meet up, one of them is particularly excited and fails to hide her exc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wakes up after a night out with the boys with a horrible hangover

He realizes that he's home, in his bed. With growing shock he realizes that he's wearing pajamas. He notices a glass of water on his night stand, a couple of aspirins, and a note.

The note reads, "Darling, I'm off to the store. Breakfast is on the table. eternally yours, your loving wife". <...

After a night out on the town, a Jewish couple is taking a cab home.

When they arrive, the cabbie says, "That'll be $46, please."

The husband gives him a $50 bill and waits.

"I'm sorry, but I don't have change to give you." says the cabbie.

The husband says, "No worries, you can take us for a spin around the block a couple of times."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ladies Night Out

3 women were discussing how they each loved a "Well Hung" man, but were amazed at how different their method was for finding one.

The first woman said she knew if a man was confident and secure he definitely was packing a Big Rigg.

The second woman said she liked men that wore tight pa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 girls meet up at a cafe after a huge night out

First Girl says: "OMG, I was so drunk last night, I got home and blew chunks in the lounge."

Second Girl: "That's nothing, I fell asleep with a smoke and burnt a huge hole in my carpet."

Third Girl: "That's nothing, I ran out of money and was so drunk that I fucked the taxi driver to p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ladies night out...

So, two ladies ditch their husbands for a ladies night out on a Friday night and they go do whatever middle-aged women think is cool to do on a Friday night. One thing leads to another and these two ladies have drunk a little bit too much and decide to head home and sleep it off. So they're driving ...

What do you call it when lawyers pregame before a night out on the town?

Preparing for the bar

my gf always worries that I will cheat on her if I am on a night out

I reassure her "why would I have a kebab when I have the best steak ever at home"

But when you are drunk those greasy kebabs sure are tasty

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two women go on a night out...

Two women, Mary and Margaret, go on a night out, leaving their husbands at home. After a heavy night of Guinness, and while walking home through a large cemetery they both have a strong urge to relieve themselves. They each pop a squat behind a bush, and after doing the deed Mary calls over "psssst,...

My friend pulled a girl on a night out and ended up going back to her house where they made amazing love all night long.

In the morning, she excused herself early as she had to go to work and she left her number for my friend to call her later.

After a lie in he got up, showered and dressed, but before he left her house he couldn’t help but have a quick snoop in her bedroom drawers.

In one drawer he foun...

A mans wife warns him if he comes home drunk after a night out again she'll kick him out.

He goes out with his mates to the pub with a promise to his wife he shall be home by midnight and will not get drunk. He gets to the bar, several hours and many drinks later, the man is in a terrible state.

He has thrown up over himself, fallen over and generally ended up blind drunk. His mat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guys night out

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'guys.'

I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'

Well, the hours passed and the beers went down way too easily.

Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just...

Girls night out

A group of 15 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00 between them and Jimmy Johnson, that cute boy in Social Studies, lives on that street and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two girls are walking home after a night out…

Both of them are busting to go to the toilet so they decide to go in the cemetery. One wipes with her panties then throws them away, the other wipes with a wreath of flowers off one of the graves.
The next day their husbands are talking at work….
"I'm gonna have to start keeping an e...

Girlfriend walks into tk max halfway through the night out. She says....

I won't be long, I promise.

When this crisis is over and you had to choose between a night out drinking with your mates or a romantic dinner with your wife..

Which pub will you be drinking in ?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Engelbert asks a cab driver to take him home after a night out in the city.

He lives in a village outside of town so it is quite a distance. The taxi driver tells him he can take him, but it will cost him $100. Engelbert only has $80, so he tells the taxi driver:

'I'll give you $80 now, but I'll need the same ride next week, and then I'll pay you $200'

The cab...

I was walking behind a woman at 3 o'clock in the morning after a night out.

She gave a slight glance towards me and She started walking faster, so I walked faster.

She started running, so I started running.

She started screaming, so I started screaming.

I was too scared to look behind and never did find out what we were running away from.

A man with a drinking problem finishes his night out at a bar

He takes a few steps and falls flat on his face. He gets up.

He takes a few more steps and again falls flat on his face.

He walks all the way home like this, continuously falling down and getting back up, and finally gets into his bed.

The next morning his wife wakes him up exc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was walking home from a night out early in the morning when

he spots a teenage girl crying on the top of a building, so he rushes up to her.
man: "Don't jump!"
girl: "But i have nothing to live for! I've never even been kissed before!"
Despite having a wife, he kisses her, which calms her down. She sighs and starts to walk towards the staircase, and...

I had a terrible night out at the club

I'm not much of a clubber, but I was starting to get the hang of it. They played "Jump Around" and I jumped around, they played "Put Your Hands Up" and I did, everything seemed to be going well. Then they played "Come On Eileen" and I got thrown out...

How do drunk Australians get home after a night out?

They take a Kangaruber.

A blonde and a brunette are discussing the previous night out...

The brunette says, "Last night I slept with a Brazilian."

"Oh my god!" the blonde replies. "How many is THAT?"

After a night out partying, my brother shows up with a huge bandage on his nose. His girlfriend said,"His nose was broken in three places."

Turns out it was exactly the same three places I had warned him not to go when he'd been drinking.

Where do skeletons go for a night out?

Anywhere as long as it’s a hip joint

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girl's night out

Two women friends had gone for a girl’s night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, but they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the wine.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three women go on a night out...

Three women go on a night out and leave their husbands looking after the kids.

They get incredibly drunk, but decide to call it a night and head home when they can barely stand. One of the women on the walk home says "I really need to go for a piss, come into this graveyard here"....so they ...

The is a strip club opposite a indoor golf club personally this is disgusting what if you go for a nice family night out and look out the window

And see a bunch of losers playing indoor golf

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First Night Out

A guy worked for 30 years at the same factory. He got off work at 3:30, and was home by 3:45 every day of his life. On Fridays, he came home and gave his wife his check.


One Friday he was walking towards his car, and one of his co-workers asked if he wanted to go out for a beer. He'd neve...

Girls night out

Two young married women were having a girls night out on the town. Walking home from the bar they both realized they needed to pee. They saw a cemetary across the street and decided to go behind the headstones. Having nothing to wipe with, the first girl takes off her panties, wipes, then tosses the...

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a building engineer are having a night out...

After a couple of drinks, they are having a chat about god,



The mechanical engineer starts:

"Have you noticed how brilliantly humans mechanics are designed. The joints and the drivetrain are so perfectly executed, that I think God must be a mechanical engineer."


...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two women were walking home from a night out...

When they both decided they needed to take a piss , so they quickly hopped over a wall into a cemetery and did their business.
A few days later the husbands of these two women were at the pub, when one said to the other "i think my wife is having a affair" "how come" the other one responded "well...

Husband's night out

An angry housewife met her husband at the front door and immediately noticed he smelled of alcohol and perfume.

"I assume," she said with her most acidic sarcasm, "That there must be a very good reason for your coming home at six o'clock in the morning with booze on your breath and another wo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two soldiers are returning back to base after a night out.

On the way, one of the two gentlemen has the urge to shit. He tells his comrade “Dude I really have to shit. Can we try to find somewhere quickly?” The other replies “No dude we’re gonna be late.” Our desperate soldier can't hold it anymore so he says “I’m going in the garden here. Don’t look.” “Ok”...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Suzie and Lauren went on a girls night out (nsfw)

And on the way home both really needed to piss. There were no restrooms about but there was a graveyard, so figuring no one would see them they jumped the wall and each squatted behind a tombstone.

"Suzie I've nothing to wipe my arse with." Lauren lamented, to which Suzie replied.

"Jus...

I was trying not to wake anyone up coming in from a night out...

So I put those French pancakes on my feet and crepèd right up the stairs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two married women have a girls night out...

Once a month they go out drinking while they’re husbands watch the kids. After one particularly crazy night they were on their way home when they both had to pee. They pulled over at a local graveyard and decided that spot was as good as any. Woman #1 decided that in order to keep from making a mess...

A man wakes up after a big night out

He doesn't remember getting home, let alone how he got there, but his head is throbbing. He rolls out of bed and sees a note from his wife

"Breakfast and coffee is on the table, be home later. Love you"

"Huh" he thinks "normally she's not happy when I go out drinking the night before. ...

I always bring a condom with me on a night out.

Unfortunately, it's always the same one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Nsfw] Four nuns go on a crazy girl's night out

The next day, they all go to confess their sins. The first nun confesses, "Father, I saw a naked man last night." The priest replies, "Go wash your eyes with the holy water". She walks out to do so. The 2nd nun says, "Father, I have a man a handjob". The priest replies,"Go wash your hands in the hol...

A group of strings go on a night out

They walk up the the first bar and ask for a pint of guinness and 2 carlsbergs. The barman asks "are you a piece of string?" The string says yes. The barman tells the string "we dont serve string here". So the group walk away in a huff. The second string walks up to another bar and asks for the same...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes into a bar to celebrate his last night out before he gets married

He pulls up a stool and orders a hard drink right off the bat.

The bartender asks "What's the occasion?"

"Well, it's my last night out to do anything fun and crazy before I tie the knot"

"Congratulations! This ones on the house, I wish y'all the best of luck."

"Thanks m...

Billy's Night Out

Billy's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Night out at the casino

So this one night I go out to the casino, I feel it's gonna be my lucky day today. I get to the ATM, take up all my motherfucking money (I'm poor so it's like 1000 Euro's). And I proceed to pimp-walk into the casino. I go hard, I'm up like 10K at one point, but even though I got swagger like Mick Ja...

A young potato's night out

A young bachelor potato decides he wants a night out on the town. He hops in the shower and gets nice and clean, puts on some nice cologne, shaves off all those little hairs and puts on his best jacket. He decides to head down to a local bar for a drink and see where the night goes. As he orders his...

A man returns home from a night out at the bar and is quite inebriated

He is trying to get into his house but can't seem to get the keys into the keyhole.

Meanwhile, a stranger passes by and asks the man if he can help him unlock his door.

The man replies, "No, you just hold the house steady and I'll insert the keys."

A man was driving his wife home after a night out,

A man was driving his wife home after a night out, when they were stopped by the police. “Sir, did you know you were speeding?” asked the officer. “No, I had no idea that I was speeding,” replied the husband. “Of course you were,” interrupted the wife, “you’re always speeding.” The officer looked at...

On a night out, a man finds himself in a bar where a local band is performing.

During the performance he comes across a woman who introduces herself as Teri Campbell. After a bit of flirting, they find themselves up against an amplifier, getting a bit spicy. Now he’d never told anyone before, but he had a fetish for vinegar. Anything with vinegar, it could be pickles, brown sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young couple were walking home after a night out

Pete and Mary were walking home from the pub when Mary says: "I need a piss" an goes behind a bush and drops her knickers.
Feeling horny, Pete puts his hand through the bush and feels something dangling between Mary's legs. He says "have you changed sex?"
Mary says "no, I have changed my mind,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother slept like a baby last night after a night out

He woke up crying having pissed himself looking another bottle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is about to leave for a night out

A man was about to leave for a night out with his buddy.


"If you get drunk again," warned his wife, "I'll have your hide."


"Don't worry, honey." said the man, and was on his way.

The man and his buddy had a few beers when the man said "I need to quit drinking. I've had e...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teenager comes home in the morning after a night out...

He walks in on his father sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast.

"Where have you been all night", asks the dad.

The teen is apologetic and says "Oh, sorry about staying out all night, I was losing my virginity."

The dad's eyes light up and he's feeling proud of his son,...

What did the blondes mom say to her before leaving for a night out?

If you're not in bed by one come home.

What does Stalin do on a night out?

Paints the town red

After a night out with friends a man comes stumbling home late

He's greeted by his wife looking stern with her arms crossed.
She exclaims "Drunk again!"
He replies "Me too!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls

We have all heard of people having Guts or having Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS- Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Gu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to France for a golf tournament, but hires a hooker for the night before

The woman gets there and pretty soon they start doing their thing. While they're having sex, the hooker keeps saying a phrase over and over again, but the man can't understand what she's saying because he doesn't know much French. The man assumes that she's saying something that would indicate that ...

I was stumbling my way back to my airbnb near Anchorage, Alaska at 2 am and got a little lost.

I came to a graveyard and realized where I was staying was just on the other side, so I figured I'd just cut through. As I approached the graveyard I came across 3 young ladys, nicely dressed and in high heels. They were also looking to also cross the graveyard and seemed to have a fun night out the...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.