UPJOKE
zooey deschanelgalsingle-camerajake johnsonmax greenfieldcraigslistyoungbabyfriendssitcombookgirlishcolleengirlgirlhood

New Girl Jokes

My new girlfriend asked me how many girls I’ve slept with.

“Eleven,” I replied.


“Wow! You must be a player,” she laughed.


“No,” I said, “I’m their coach.”

This new girl joined our soccer team

I was amazed, she was exactly what we wanted

She was tall, she was athletic, her legs were long, she wasn't fragile and she was extremely good with her hands

The moment I saw her I knew,

She's a keeper.

Did you hear about the new girl who joined the Vegetarian Club?

I’ve never seen herbivore!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the porn director say to the new girl?

If you start to get nervous out there, just picture everybody with their clothes on!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A freshman is talking to the new girl in school.

“You’ll like it here,” he tells her. “Everyone is pretty chill, the teachers are all nice, but the principal is kind of a moron.”



“Do you know who I am?” the girl asks her new classmate. “I’m the daughter of the principal.”



The boy is silent and then asks her, “Do you k...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently became a therapist and had a new girl come in today

I could tell she thought I was judgemental the minute I looked at her

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy starts dating a new girl...

A guy starts dating a new girl and his first time meeting her parents is over Christmas dinner.

They are all seated around the table and he suddenly has the urge to fart and can’t hold it any longer so he lets it go. It’s semi loud and smells terrible.

The dad looks over at the dog s...

What is it called when a new girl joins the harem?

The plot thicc-ins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Slept with a new girl last night.

She asked if I deliver furniture for a living because I gave her some Badcock.

The new girl at work slapped me today because I asked if she spits or swallows...

It seemed like a perfectly reasonable question, considering we work as wine tasters...

What did R. Kelly say to a new girl he met?

Urine for a treat

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dude from the city goes to visit his new girl’s family in the countryside

Upon arriving in the small village he sees a cockfight. Trying to impress his new girlfriend, he approaches a villager and asks him about cockfighting, pretending some knowledge on the topic.

— which one is the good cock?

— well, the good one is the white one.

After hearing what...

My new girl friend.

Just got a new Czech girlfriend, but its taken her nearly 5 days to hoover the house. Turns out she's a Slovak.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."

Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man enters the confessional

He says to the priest “father, do you know that new girl who moved into town?”

“Kathrine? That supermodel with the blonde hair and the long legs?”

“That’s the one father. Well, I’ve been sleeping with her all week. We did it twice a day Monday to Friday, and then on Saturday we did it ...

New girl at work tonight said she'd majored in Uralic languages, so I had to ask...

"Did you Finnish?"

A woman went to a pet shop..

..and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot..

There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said,
"Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution
an...

A woman wakes her husband up at 2 AM, saying

"Quick, who's scored the highest number of goals in football, ever?"

"Klose", replied the groggy husband.

"And how many episodes of Breaking Bad are there in total?"

"Huh? Wait, let me...55, no, 62, there's 62 total episodes" he replied.

"Who was that girl in that 'Saved ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sent a new girl I'm seeing a picture of my buddy Richard in the middle of the night

She didn't appreciate an unsolicited Dick pic...

Whenever I meet a new girl things go great until they find out about my lettuce fetish. I like to stroke and kiss and cuddle those beautiful leafy heads of green.

Every time when they find out they refuse to join in and then they leave.

I guess I’m fated to forever romaine alone.

My 2nd Parrot joke!

A woman goes to a pet store and buys a parrot. Before she leaves the owner warns her that the Parrot had previously lived in a brothel and might have picked up some salty language. When she gets the bird home he looks around and says "New house."
She puts the bird down in the house and the parro...

So a woman walks into a pet store...

and sees a parrot on sale for 50 bucks. Now, a parrot is a pretty expensive bird, so she asks the man behind the counter why the bird was on sale, and he tells her; "Well the bird used to live in a brothel, so sometimes it says some pretty vulgar things." The woman thinks for a minute, and says, "...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.