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Misjudged Jokes

A pregnant woman goes into a coma

A pregnant woman goes into a coma moments after she gives birth to twins, one boy and one girl.
When she finally wakes up several days later, she cries out frantically to see her children.
The doctors come to her, and the first thing she asks is "How are my children?"
"Fine" says the doc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy.

He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiske...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, get the fuck outta here you damn horse, last time you were here you shit on the floor!" And the horse says "Aw come man, I just want a drink." And the bartender says "Well I just want you to get out!" And the horse says "Yeah, well I fucked your ...

Wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it....

So i did. We had a few drinks, we talked. I totally misjudged spiders. This guy was cool. He wants to be a web developer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy was playing golf with a priest.

Everything was going fine, but the priest noticed that everytime the little boy misses a shot, he would swear.

"Fuck!" said the boy as he putts too strongly and misses the hole.
We would say this everytime he makes a mistake.

After what seemed like an infinite number of f bombs, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little walk with dad.

So I was walking down the street with my dad the other day, and two youngsters, possbile who did not even hit the 15 yet, walked infront of us. And they were talking loudly and one asked the other "Why do some old dudes walk like they´ve shit them self?"

My dad promptly answered "97% its lowe...

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