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Medical Research Jokes

When I graduated high school, my parents enrolled me in medical research

It was a 4-year study of sleep deprivation and alcohol consumption.

Sure, they called it "college", but I knew otherwise.

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. "I want to give a million to my family", ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Medical researchers still haven't found a cure for premature ejaculation.

But I hear that it's coming quickly.

A politically-appointed medical research director had been busy pushing recruitment for round after round of hydroxychloroquine tests. After another poor result, a White House aide walked in. "Doctor, the President has demanded another HCQ test. Can you do it?"

The director sighs, rubs his temples, and sits back in his chair. "No. Quite frankly, I don't have the patients."

Trump just suggested that injecting sanitizers like bleach might have a cleansing effect on the body

I think medical research would agree that injecting bleach definitely cures stupidity.

Contradicting Coronavirus advice!

First, we hear alcohol may prevent the virus... now research suggests the opposite. Then we’re told heat and humidity has no effect, but wait... direct sunlight might quickly kill the virus. So, if you come across some elderly bloke, standing in the yard, intoxicated and naked, leave me alone... I’m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

OCD

A Stanford Medical research group advertised for participants
in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were
looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this
disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 300 responses
the day after the ad came out.

All f...

30 grand

A man had $30,000 and was about to die, so he hired a doctor, preacher, and lawyer. The man told the three when I die each of you throw $10,000 of my money in my grave with me. So the man died and they did.

Months later the doctor confessed, I only threw $7,000. I used $3,000 for medical res...

A funny thing happened at the lab

A seventy-four year old medical researcher went to the doctor after having a seeming unexplainable illness that had lasted for several days.

After describing her symptoms, the doctor performed a series of tests and then reached a diagnosis.

The doctor said, "I am not sure how to tell y...

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