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Daughters vibrator.

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom.
When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with ...

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

Why are you shaking? She's going to eat me!

A young woman approached a salesman in a department store and said, "I need some batteries for my vibrator."

The salesman motioned with his finger and said, "Come this way."

"If I could come that way," she snapped, "I wouldn't need the damn vibrator."

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A young boy walks in on his sister masturbating with a vibrator.

Innocent and confused about the anatomy, he asks, "What are you doing? Where is your penis?"



Not wanting to explain the real stuff, the sister replied, "I lost mine in an accident. I was just massaging the wound. "



The boy says, "You should learn from mom. She keeps her...

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A new vibrator has gone on sale.

Its so realistic that just before the woman reaches orgasm,


It cums, farts, goes limp then switches itself off!.

What does tofu and a vibrator have in common?

They are both meat substitutes

Have you heard about the Transformer who turns into a prostate vibrator?

I finally understand what they mean by ***"robots in these guys"***

A farmer succeeds in growing a field of vibrators..

He now has a problem with squatters

67% of women have used vibrators

The other 33% have brand new ones.

Do you think the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying . . .

"If you build it, they will come."

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What is the difference between a vibrator and the 12 European Super League club owners?

The European Super League owners are real dicks.

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What happened after the vibrator got arrested?

It was charged with sexual battery.

Little Johnny in class

A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with the letters 'tor' that also ate things.

The first little boy said, 'Alligator'.

'Very good, Jimmy, that's a big word', said the teacher.

The next little boy said, 'Predator'.

'That's also a very good wor...

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When a girl buys a vibrator, its seen as a bit of naughty fun

BUT when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, hes called a pervert?

The Teacher Asked the Class to Name Something that Ends in -Tor and Eats Things.

Gabe raised his hand first. He said, "Predator."

"Clever answer! They sure eat things!" The teacher told him.

Next, Dylan raised his hand. "Oh! I know! Raptor!"

"You are very smart! Raptors eat many different things," the teacher said.

Then, little Timmy answered. "Vibrat...

A banana and a vibrator are lying on a night stand

Says the banana: why are you shaking? First time, eh?

My wife would use a vibrator a lot when she was pregnant

Now my kid has a pretty bad stutter

What do you call a recharging vibrator?

Boyfriend on life support.

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A woman walks into a sex shop and asks the man at the counter, "D..d..d..do y..y...you hav..hav...have vi..vi...vibrators?", she says stuttering

"Why yes, maam, we do."

"D..d...d...do you hh...h..ha..have th...the b..b....bbig ones?"

"Yes maam, we do."

"How d...d....d...do you t...t...turn them o..o...off?

I bought the wife some new vibrators for christmas.

A washing machine, a dishwasher and a lawnmower.

Why don’t Hillbilly girls use Vibrators?

It chips their teeth

I bought my girlfriend a pink vibrator for valentines day.

She told me as long as she has me she won't need it. I told her "actually that's what I'm here to talk about"

A mother hears a humming sound from her daughter's bedroom and walks in.

Finding her daugher sitting on the bed using her vibrator she asked, "What are you doing?!"

"I'm a 35 year old woman living with my parents. This is the closest I'll ever get to a husband, " replies the daughter.

The mother silently leaves the room. The next day, the father hears a hu...

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I went into a sex shop today and was shocked to find out how much all of my wife’s vibrators cost...

She’s sitting on a small fortune...

I grew very suspicious when my ex and current girlfriends were on the same frequency

Turns out, they were using the same vibrator

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I'm starting a charity for girls that can't afford to buy vibrators

It's called **Toys for Twats**

What is the leading manufacturer of vibrators?

Genital Electric

What's the one thing that Kevin Costner and the inventor of the vibrator have in common?

They both heard voices saying "if you build it, they will come."

My girlfriend and I don't have a vibrator, but she'd love to use one in the bedroom.

I'm posting this from my iPhone, so if you guys wanna actually pleasure a woman for once, drop a comment or two.

A woman goes to the ER with a vibrator stuck inside her. After careful examination, the doctor tells her:

"Miss, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Bad news... The vibrator is stuck in a way that we will need to operate to remove it.
Good news... >!It sits at an angle where I will be able to change the batteries for you.!<

A woman walks up to the pharmacy counter and asks if they have any vibrators...

The pharmacist nods and steps around the counter. He waggles his forefinger at her and says "come this way..."

She says "If I could come *that* way, I wouldn't need a vibrator!"

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A lady called her gynecologist and asked for an “emergency” appointment.

The receptionist said to come right in. She rushed to the doctor’s office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor came in and asked about her problem.

She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina.
So the doctor st...

What type of batteries do vibrators use?

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDs

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I own a vibrator powered by virgins.

I posted my phone number on gonewild.

I stole a Vibrator once

I did it for the buzz.

I recently bought a vibrator

figured I'd shake things up

Why did my girlfriend switch out the batteries in her vibrator?

Because the other ones just didn’t energizer

The guy who invented the vibrator was bat $hit crazy.

The voices in his head said “Build it and they will cum”.

A newly released scientific study has found that pregnant women who use vibrators, are 90% more likely to have a child...

...that stutters.

My mate said he’s just bought his wife a 24 carat gold vibrator for her birthday.

I think he must be going soft in his old age.

The longest relationship I’ve had is with my first vibrator.

We were together 7 years. Off and on.

Have you tried the new, ultra-realistic vibrator?

"No, how does it work?"
"Right before you climax it comes, goes limp, farts, and turns itself off."

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Did you hear about the new officially branded Robocop vibrator?

Some people are saying it's too strong or two intimidating. As just a point of this, as soon as you switch it on, a mechanical voice yells, "dead or alive, you're cumming with me!"

How do you know if a woman used a vibrator during pregnancy?

Her child has a stutter.

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I gave my wife a vibrator moulded from a cast of my own penis for her to use whilst I'm away on business

and she's just sent me a text to say that she's tried it out and it was just like the real thing.
The batteries ran out before she reached orgasm.

Old lady walks into a pharmacy while shaking vigorously and breathing heavily.

Old lady: Excuse me?

Pharmacist: yes? How can i help you?

Old lady: Do you have a XXL Super Large vibrator with alkaline batteries?

Pharmacist: yes, we do.

Old lady: For gods sake, tell me how to turn it of!

What's in common between the vibrator and soy

They both try to substitute meat

How do you know if a chick used a vibrator while she was pregnant?

The kid stutters

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Your mom walks into a sex shop and the clerk directs her to where they keep the vibrators. She points to one she likes and tells him: "I'll take that red one." The clerk responds:

"Ma'am, the vibrators are on the wall next to the fire extinguisher."

Beer without alcohol is like a vibrator with no batteries...

It fills you up nicely but lacks the buzz...

Can't find any batteries for my vibrator

What a buzz kill!

Why is the government encouraging more American made vibrators?

They want to increase their gross domestic products.

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For her birthday, I bought my wife a pair of shoes and a vibrator.

If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.

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My girlfriend went to the sex shop to buy a vibrator but came home empty handed.

She said that nothing tickled her fancy.

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Magic vibrator

A businessman needs go out of town for work. His wife is a sex addict and cannot go more than a day without sex. Fearing that she will cheat on him, he decides to buy a toy for her to keep her occupied while he is away. He goes to the nearest sex shop. He tells the sex shop owner about his wife. The...

Last week I got a vibrator stuck inside of me so I went to the doctors...

...this morning when the batteries went flat

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A woman goes into a sex shop to buy a vibrator...

She says to the guy behind the counter "give me that red one behind you" he goes "sorry a fire extinguisher"

What do they call a human vibrator?

Michael J Fox

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