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NSFW - A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement.
When he went downstairs...

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When a woman buys a vibrator, it's cute naughty fun...

But when a man orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000™ blowing latex doll with 6-speed pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with no-drip semen-collecting tray, together with optional built-in OrgasmScream™ 7.1 surround sound system, suddenly he's a pervert!

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A young boy walks in on his sister masturbating with a vibrator.

Innocent and confused about the anatomy, he asks, "What are you doing? Where is your penis?"



Not wanting to explain the real stuff, the sister replied, "I lost mine in an accident. I was just massaging the wound. "



The boy says, "You should learn from mom. She keeps her...

The Teacher Asked the Class to Name Something that Ends in -Tor and Eats Things.

Gabe raised his hand first. He said, "Predator."

"Clever answer! They sure eat things!" The teacher told him.

Next, Dylan raised his hand. "Oh! I know! Raptor!"

"You are very smart! Raptors eat many different things," the teacher said.

Then, little Timmy answered. "Vibrat...

Why don’t Hillbilly girls use Vibrators?

It chips their teeth

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What do you call a truck full of vibrators?

Toys for twats

Why did my girlfriend switch out the batteries in her vibrator?

Because the other ones just didn’t energizer

What's the one thing that Kevin Costner and the inventor of the vibrator have in common?

They both heard voices saying "if you build it, they will come."

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

What are you shaking for she's gonna eat me.

My mate said he’s just bought his wife a 24 carat gold vibrator for her birthday.

I think he must be going soft in his old age.

What is the leading manufacturer of vibrators?

Genital Electric

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I went into a sex shop today and was shocked to find out how much all of my wife’s vibrators cost...

She’s sitting on a small fortune...

I stole a Vibrator once

I did it for the buzz.

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A woman walks into a sex shop and asks the man at the counter, "D..d..d..do y..y...you hav..hav...have vi..vi...vibrators?", she says stuttering

"Why yes, maam, we do."

"D..d...d...do you hh...h..ha..have th...the b..b....bbig ones?"

"Yes maam, we do."

"How d...d....d...do you t...t...turn them o..o...off?

I bought my girlfriend a pink vibrator for valentines day.

She told me as long as she has me she won't need it. I told her "actually that's what I'm here to talk about"

Recent studies show that 43% of women have used vibrators...

From this, we can conclude that the other 57% bought theirs new...

Did you hear about the new officially branded Robocop vibrator?

Some people are saying it's too strong or two intimidating. As just a point of this, as soon as you switch it on, a mechanical voice yells, "dead or alive, you're cumming with me!"

A newly released scientific study has found that pregnant women who use vibrators, are 90% more likely to have a child...

...that stutters.

What do they call a human vibrator?

Michael J Fox

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Last year for Christmas, I got my girlfriend a t-shirt and a vibrator...

If she didn't like the t-shirt, she could go fuck herself.

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A woman goes into the doctor and tells him she was masturbating a little too furiously, and her vibrator got stuck.

The doctor examines her and tells her, "Well, the bad news is, it's going to cost $1000 to remove it."

The woman says, "Well, how much does it cost just to change the batteries?"

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I gave my wife a vibrator moulded from a cast of my own penis for her to use whilst I'm away on business

and she's just sent me a text to say that she's tried it out and it was just like the real thing.
The batteries ran out before she reached orgasm.

The longest relationship my sister's had is with her first vibrator.

That was four years, off and on.

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I own a vibrator powered by virgins.

I posted my phone number on gonewild.

How do you know if a chick used a vibrator while she was pregnant?

The kid stutters

Can't find any batteries for my vibrator

What a buzz kill!

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Electric vibrators and my frat brother have a lot in common,

they're both charged with sexual batteries.

Drunken Uncle joke: Why don't blondes use vibrators?

It has a tendency to chip their theeth.

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My girlfriend went to the sex shop to buy a vibrator but came home empty handed.

She said that nothing tickled her fancy.

What's in common between the vibrator and soy

They both try to substitute meat

Have you tried the new, ultra-realistic vibrator?

"No, how does it work?"
"Right before you climax it comes, goes limp, farts, and turns itself off."

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Magic vibrator

A businessman needs go out of town for work. His wife is a sex addict and cannot go more than a day without sex. Fearing that she will cheat on him, he decides to buy a toy for her to keep her occupied while he is away. He goes to the nearest sex shop. He tells the sex shop owner about his wife. The...

Several shoplifters detained today, including a woman who stole a vibrator

Why do they do it - is it just for the buzz....

Why is the government encouraging more American made vibrators?

They want to increase their gross domestic products.

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For her birthday, I bought my wife a pair of shoes and a vibrator.

If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.

So i read this story about a woman who got electrocuted when she dropped her vibrator in the bath

It was a total buzzkill

Last week I got a vibrator stuck inside of me so I went to the doctors...

...this morning when the batteries went flat

Beer without alcohol is like a vibrator with no batteries...

It fills you up nicely but lacks the buzz...

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Your mom walks into a sex shop and the clerk directs her to where they keep the vibrators. She points to one she likes and tells him: "I'll take that red one." The clerk responds:

"Ma'am, the vibrators are on the wall next to the fire extinguisher."

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A woman goes into a sex shop to buy a vibrator...

She says to the guy behind the counter "give me that red one behind you" he goes "sorry a fire extinguisher"

She threw her vibrator on the subway tracks...

It didn't work; the train didn't come any faster.

There's a banana and a vibrator on a table...

The banana turns to the vibrator and asks: "Hey, why are you trembling? It's not *you* they're going to eat!"

Did you here about the girl who got electrocuted by her vibrator at a sleep over?

It was such a buzz kill

How is a Trump campaign chief like a vibrator?

Both are charged with battery.

What do a dead vibrator and a moving bus have in common?

You can't get off.

A banana and a vibrator

were laying next to each other on a
counter, with the vibrator buzzing away. The banana turns to
the vibrator and says, “I dunno what you’re getting all worked
up about. She’s gonna eat me.”

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Tina and ted

Tina and Ted got into their bed, Said Ted to Tina "It's time for some head." "Head in the bed?" is what Tina said, "Before we're both dead," is what Ted next said.

So Tina did suck and Tina did lick, And into her palm then Tina did spit, She polished his crank like a hitch made of chrome, And...

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Guess where I stole this from.

Two cocks were robbing a bank,

All of a sudden a vibrator walks in,

Then the one cock says to the other cock,

.

.

.

"Oh, fuck, it's Robocop."

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A guy with seizures came up to a girl and said

"Every other guy can be a dildo, but I can be your vibrator"

I have a new word for vibrator ...

selfie stick

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A businessman was about to go on a long business trip

and was worried that his wife would cheat on him while he was gone. So to prevent this, he visited the local sex shop in order to buy his wife a vibrator to keep her occupied in his absence.

After examining the products, he hadn't found an appropriately amazing vibrator and asked the store cl...

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A certain couple was married for about 20 years and whenever they had sex..

...the husband insisted on turning off the lights.

After 20 years, the wife felt that turning off the lights was stupid and decided it was time to end with non-sense once and for all.

One night while they were doing it, she quickly turns on the light and when she looked down saw her hu...

Football

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator.



Shocked, she asked: 'What in the world are you doing?'

The daughter replied: 'Mom, I'm thirty-five years old...

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The teacher asks the kids to name things ending in 'tor' that eat things

The first child says 'Alligator'


'Very good' says the teacher, 'that's a big word.'


The second child says 'Predator'


'Well done' says the teacher



Little Johnny says 'Vibrator, Miss'




After recovering from a fit of laughter the teacher...

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If a woman...

Buys a vibrator she is "modern and playful"...
But if I buy a sex doll ultra4000 with elastic latex mouth, 6 speeds of vibration real feel Riley Reid and 16 different orgasm sounds sorround system people call me a pervert..

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A woman was having a good time

with her vibrator, when it slipped and got stuck in her vagina. She visited the gynecologist and he informed her, "it's really stuck, it will cost $10,000 to remove." Looking disparaged, she asked the doctor, "how much to change the batteries?"

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[nsfw] Voodoo Dick (Long)

Lucia popped into her local South American produce shop on the way home from work (it was enchilada night). While browsing she got a call from her bff Natalie and spent some time talking about the recent divorce, and her lack of sex life. Shortly after hanging up, she was approached by the store cle...

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The Good and The Bad

Bad: You can't find your vibrator.
Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.


Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
Worse: You're in it.


Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.


Bad: Your husband's a cross dresser. ...

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A very Jewish wedding...

A modern, Orthodox, Jewish couple, preparing for a religious wedding, meets with their rabbi for counseling.

The rabbi asks if they have any last questions before they leave.

The man asks, "Rabbi, we realize it's tradition for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women at the...

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A businessman is going out of town for 3 weeks...

His wife is a total nympho and he knows that she will never be able to remain faithful for that long. In an attempt to quell her sexual appetite, he goes to a sex shop on the outskirts of town. He spends several minutes pouring over dozens of dildos, dongs, vibrators, and other toys. However, he kno...

A Recent Study Shows...

A recently conducted study revealed that 47% of women have used vibrators.

53% have new ones...

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years

Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming,
romantic session,...

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A business man is about to leave for a week-long trip and is worried his wife will chest on him.

A business man is about to leave for a week-long business trip and is particularly concerned that his flirtatious wife may cheat on him. He decided he wanted to purchase a sex toy for her to keep her occupied while he was gone. He walks into a sex toy shop and looks around for a bit before heading t...

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Husband always insisted on making love in the dark...

After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator.

She goes ballistic, "You impotent bastard! How could you lie to me all these years?"

Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."

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So a guy works at a sex shop

And his friend was in the neighbourhood and decided to go in to say hello. After a brief hello and small talk, the shop owner asks his friend if he'll look after the store for 10-15 minutes, while he goes to the bank before it closes. The friend agrees and away he goes.

After 5 minutes, a wom...

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A little old lady goes into an adult bookstore.

A little old lady, about 70 years old, walks into an adult bookstore and slowly shuffles up to the counter, her hands shaking. She stutteringly says, "Eh, eh, excuse me, b-but I'm embarrased..."
The clerk says, "Please don't be ma'am, human sexuality is a beautiful, natural thing. You have nothin...

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