This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Londoner, a Parisian and a New Yorker get captured by cannibals…

The cannibals are pretty pissed off because these guys have just wandered into their territory without asking permission. So the cannibals tell them, “We’re going to kill you, we’re going to eat you, and we’re going to make a canoe out of your skins. But just because we’re in a good mood today will...

Two Londoners went to the sperm bank.

A total waste of time. One of them came on the bus, the other one missed the tube!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A story is told of a Londoner, a Jewish man who was riding on the London Underground reading an Arab newspaper.

A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same underground car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader. "Moishe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"

Moishe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what di...

A Londoner meets a stereotypical American redneck

The redneck tells him: “Why don’t y’all like guns? They’re completely safe! See, I have mine in my safe next to my bed, I know the passcode so well I can take my gun and kill any intruder in half a second!”

The Londoner replies: “Really? Is it truly that safe?”


The redneck replies:...

If Londoners are what you call people from London and New Yorkers are what you call people from New York, what are Hamburgers??

Delicious!!

Londoner classic.

A man walks into a bakery and asks the lady behind the counter. "How much for that "gattox" in the window? "
Lady says "gattox, oh you mean "gateaux" that's £12.99"
"12.99?!?!" shouts the man "bollo!!"

A Londoner is walking his dog...

...When he passes a policeman. As he walks past, the dog leaps up and bites the copper's hat off, and tears it to pieces.

"Oi!" the policeman says, "You gonna let your dog get away with that?!"

"Ah, he's just a bleedin' dog! Leave it out!" the Londoner replies.

"I don't like you...

A Londoner driving down the street sees...

a one-eyed, one-legged man with no arms on the side of the road. He stops and thinks he should offer him a ride. He pulls up to the curb, rolls down his window and says,


"Aye! You look 'armless, 'op in!"

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