My girlfriend left me because I'm too laid back.

Well, I think she left me. Haven't seen her in like a month.

Who is the most laid back Norse God?

Loki

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I laid back last night and admired the sky above me, taking in the beauty of the universe when it hit me...

Where the fuck is my roof?

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So very tasteful!

A high school senior needed a prom dress, so she asked her father to buy it for her.

"Sure," he said, "so long as you give me a blowjob."

"How can you ask me to do that?" she said with disgust. "I'm your daughter!"

"Grow up!" her dad replied. "Nothing's free these days. If yo...

The CEO of a reclining chair company was fired today...

He was just too laid back.

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An old man was feeling horny, but the nursing home he was in never allowed any of the residents to be left alone with one another...

One day the nursing home manager announced that all the residents would be going out on a day trip and all but a couple of the nurses and staff would be going too. This was his chance!

The old man had his eye on a particular lady resident and he took her to one side and told her that if she ...

A naked man is walking through the streets in the middle of the night with nothing but cowboy boots on...

The local sheriff pulls up in his cop car.

‘’Sir, what are you doing?!’’ The cop says

‘’Well officer’’ replies the man ‘I met this sweet old lady at the bar earlier and she bought be a drink, we talked for a little bit, she told me to order another drink on her tab, so I did, she star...

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Chicken and an egg

A chicken and an egg are laying in bed.
The chicken is laid back with his wings behind his head, smoking a cigarette and staring at the ceiling with a shit eating grin on his face. The egg is laying on its side facing away from the chicken.
The egg rolls over and looks at him with a disguste...

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Shrimp

A little boy runs into the kitchen where his mother is making Thanksgiving dinner "Mama, Mama, Grandma's in the living room with her shrimps hanging out!"

The mother, a little confused, finishes up what she's doing and goes in to investigate. Sure enough, there's Grandma, who is a little out...

Dying Wish

A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked "Give it to me straight, doc. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that his patient would survive the night. The man then said "Call for my lawyer."

When his lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physic...

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