Ice Fishing Jokes

She was hit by a Zamboni

They head out onto the ice with their bucket, fishing gear, and a big drill. As they put the drill bit on the ice surface, a voice booms out from all around:

**DON'T DRILL INTO THE ICE!**

The Dumb Blonde looks around fearfully and says meekly, "G-G-God? Is... <gulp> Is that you?"... read more

They drive up to Wisconsin and stop at the tackle shop by the lake side. One fisherman buys a couple of ice picks and leaves while the other buys some bait. A little while later, the first fisherman comes back and buys 6 more ice picks, which the shop keeper is happy to supply, but is a little curio... read more

...Sweden and Norway for decades. The swedes held an impressive record of 71 wins against 0 for the norwegians.

In this year's competition, as soon as the chronometer started, the swedes started getting some fish. After 1 minute, the swedes had 10 fish and the norwegians 0. After 5 minutes, i... read more

Two old timers, Lou and Mel, go ice fishing. They each compete against each other and so they dril ltheir holes in the ice exactly 50ft apart. Set up their chairs, drop their lines in, pour some coffee from their thermoses and wait for a bite. A young man comes along and sets up exactly between the... read more

Billy Bob and his family decided to go ice fishing. So they loaded up all their tackle and headed up north and found a lake where they could go ice fishing with a tackle shop nearby in case they needed anything. When they got there the man behind the counter said they'd need ice picks for breaking t... read more

I was in Greenland a few years ago and I wanted to try ice fishing. So I went to the local sporting goods store to purchase everything I would need, an ice saw, fishing pole, line, hooks, and a bucket to hold my catch. I drove out to the ice lake, cut a hole in the ice, and got set up. I had been... read more

They had fished in this lake for decades, and they knew there were no more fish in the lake, but they went because they enjoyed going and getting away from their wives. After a while, a young kid came along and cut a hole in the ice under a tree, close to the shore. Sven and Oli looked at each other... read more

Neither of us had ever been and we were both pretty excited, but when we got there my friend was just too freaked out about falling through the ice and freezing to death to go. Well, I was still super stoked so I ended up calling a local tourist company and I hired a couple of locals to take me out... read more

He goes onto the ice, drills a hole, and puts out his line.
Suddenly he hears a loud voice from above, saying ‘THERE ARE NO FISH THERE.’
He gets up, a little confused, and moves to another spot on the ice, drilling another hole and throwing his line out again.
Once again, he hears: ‘THER... read more

An ice fishing contest is held between Norway and Sweden. The teams from each country get up early and set up their gear at opposite sides of a lake.

After about half an hour, the Norwegians haul up their first fish. The Swedes can hear them cheer from across the lake. Then another one bites... read more

He starts sawing a hole in the ice, but just then a booming voice says, "You will find no fish there."

The drunk ignores it and continues sawing. The voice repeats, "You will find no fish under the ice."

The drunk looks up and says, "God, is that you?"

The voice says, "No, I'm t... read more

When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Suddenly, she heard a voice saying, "There are no fish in here."

So, she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again, telling her, there are no fish in there. <... read more

He finds a suitable spot and starts to auger a hole. Just then he hears a booming voice from above:

“There’s no fish there!”

Guy freaks out, grabs his stuff in a hurry, finds another spot, starts a-drillin’.

“There’s no fish there!”

Really getting spooked, hightails it ... read more

One day, a man decides to go ice fishing. He grabs his gear and heads out onto the ice. Once he finds a suitable spot he cuts a large hole in the ice and sits down.

An hour passes and he still hasn't caught anything. Another hour passes, and then another, and still no fish. Suddenly the man ... read more

She went out onto the ice with her gear and after getting comfy on the stool, she started to cut a circular hole in the ice as she had seen on the internet. As she was cutting, she heard a voice from the heavens speak out, saying, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The blonde was startled. Sh... read more

A dumb blonde goes ice fishing.

The dumb blonde finds a good spot on the ice, cuts a whole in it and begins fishing.

Suddenly a loud voice from up above says "There are no fish here!"

The dumb blonde gets startled and decides to move to a new spot on the ice. The dumb blonde cu... read more

He starts to drill a hole with his auger when a loud booming voice says , " THERE'S NO FISH DOWN THEREI " So he stops drilling and moves a little ways and starts to drill again . The same voice booms , " THERE'S NO FISH DOWN THERE ! " So he moves a little further and is about to drill again , but th... read more

He takes out his ice pick and begins to hack away. Suddenly, he hears a booming voice from above say, "There are no fish there."

He moves to a new spot and begins again. Again comes the voice, ”There are no fish there either."

He tries a third spot, and again the voice informs him, "No... read more

We never got to spend too much time together, so it meant a lot to me to spend time with him. He was really getting on in age - his teeth were gone and he usually mumbled unless he was frustrated. You could understand him if he yelled, but that was rare since he was such a gentle soul. His mind w... read more

A blonde decides to go ice fishing. She makes a hole in the ice and starts fishing.

Suddenly a voice from above says: “There are no fish here.”

Startled, the blonde looks around but doesn’t see anybody. She shrugs and continues.

After a while the voice comes again: “There are... read more

"Ice."

One day, in the middle of winter, a man decides he wants to go ice fishing. So he gets his gear and goes out to the nearest piece of ice he can find and begins setting up. Just as he is about to put his drill to the ice, however, he hears a voice calling from the distance, "there's no fish there!"... read more

She’s got all her gear ready and just needs to find the perfect spot on the ice to set up.
The blonde finds a suitable spot on the ice and starts drilling until she hears a loud voice overhead.

“THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

Spooked, she gathers up her things and starts walking.... read more

As they were augering a hole in the ice they heard a loud voice from above say, "There are no fish under the ice." Ole and Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make another hole. The voice said a little stronger, "There are no fish under the ice." They both looked around and then looked up. ... read more

After they load up the truck, the two brothers hop in the front, and the newfie jumps into the back bed of the truck. As they are driving across the ice, the truck breaks through and begins to sink. The first brother opens his door and swims to the surface. As he starts taking his clothes off, the o... read more

I couldn’t get through to her at first, but then I broke the ice

...so she packed up all her gear and went ice fishing. She cut a hole and put the fishing line down the hole. After 15 minutes, after feeling nothing, she wasn't sure there would be a fish, so she prayed to her God, asking for a fish to please come bite her line. A few minutes later, a loud booming ... read more

A man woke up early and kissed his wife good morning and goodbye. He made a thermos of coffee and a thermos of hot soup as his car warmed up in the driveway. He packed his fishing gear and proceeded to drive out to the lake for some ice fishing.

As he drove down the road he realized ... read more

Your rusty vehicle's resale value only goes up if you remember to put the snow tires on them during the winter.

You ever got into a shouting match based on which college hockey team you're a fan of.

You've ever used expired gas station sushi as bait for ice fishing.

(You're re... read more

Who loved to fish, and they wanted to try some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada and they took off for up there.

The lakes were frozen nicely! So they stopped just before they got to a lake at a little bait shop to get all their tackle. Bob looked at Ed and said, "We're going t... read more

A guy decides to go ice fishing. He goes out on the ice and begins cutting a hole to drop his line through. Suddenly a loud, booming voice speaks from far above: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."⁠

Somewhat spooked, he moves to another spot and tries again. Once again, the deep voice from ... read more

At their cabin they met two canadians. The day after they decided they had to get food, so naturaly they decided to go ice fishing. To make it a bit more fun, the two guys from Texas decided to show the canadians how great America was, by beating them in an ice fishing competition. The canadians acc... read more

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.

For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her fir... read more

A couple of hillbillies decide to go ice fishing one day. They get their shanty set up and just as they're about to drill they hear.... there's no fish under the ice there. So they decide to move their shanty to a new location, get it all set up, just as they're about to drill they hear... there's n... read more

So this Newfie goes ice fishing.

He drills the hole, sits down, and puts his line in. Now he’s sitting there and he hears this ominous voice,
“There’s no fish down there”

Puzzled, the Newfie gets up, carries his things a ways away. He drills the hole, sits down, and puts his line i... read more

One day Oli and Sven went out ice fishing. The started drilling into the ice and from above a voice boomed " there are no fish under the ice!"

Heeding the advice the duo moved about 20 Feet and started drilling again. Again the the voice boomed "there are no fish under the ice!"

Oli ... read more

A guy is out ice fishing and he hasn't had a bite in hours, but the fellow next to him is pulling in fish after fish. Exasperated, the man finally approached the successful fisherman to find his secret.
"What's your secret buddy, I mean you've been pulling in fish left and right all day long."... read more

Ole and Sven, ignoring the -60 degree windchill warnings, froze to death while ice fishing in northern Minnesota and descend to Hell.

Coming to check on his new arrivals from up North, Satan is surprised to find Ole and Sven enjoying themselves, finally removing coats and hats that they've ... read more

It was my day off, so I figured I'd do something I haven't done in awhile and go ice fishing. I gathered up all of my gear, and after wandering around for an hour or so I came across a likely looking patch of ice.

I set up my little tent, and was just about to fire up the chainsaw to carve a... read more