Humpty Jokes - 26 Hilarious Humpty Jokes

Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

Because he had a great fall

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I got one of those Humpty Dumpty toys from Aldi.

It’s brilliant.

It comes with Aldi King’s horses and Aldi King’s men.

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"I'm sorry, Your Highness, but we can't put Humpty Dumpty back together again!" said the King's man.

The King, who was drunk, replied, "Let the horses try."

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Why did Humpty Dumpty push Ms. Humpty Dumpty off the wall?

To see her crack.

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What did French Humpty Dumpty say when he fell?

Oeuf.

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Did you hear Humpty Dumpty’s egg business posted record profits in Q3?

He had a great fall.

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One day in October, Humpty Dumpty went to the clothes store...

He picks out a nice sweater, a couple pair of socks, a coat, etc. He pays for them and leaves. He heads out and goes to get groceries, and buys milk, eggs, tuna fish, matches, and a single pumpkin. On his way home now, he sees a stray cat in the cold. Feeling charitable, he offers it some tuna fish,...

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Humpty Dumpty was smoking some drugs

With a few gangstas and fairy tale thugs

Then all the King's men slapped them in cuffs

All because they had a few too many puffs

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Humpty Dumpty, grumpy parent edition

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty shouldn't've been there at all.

Humpty Dumpty wasn't very tall,

So Humpty Dumpty of course had a fall.

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What's the difference between Humpty Dumpty and the year 2020?

One of them had a great fall.

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Am I the only one who finds the story of Humpty Dumpty....

...a bit too egg centric?

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Have you heard of this Humpty Dumpty guy?

He's not all he's cracked up to be; I heard he had a breakdown or something. His life is in pieces and feels like it's just one big yolk, now.

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What was Humpty Dumpty's favorite month?

October... He had a great fall.

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Don't let Humpty Dumpty tell a joke

He'll crack himself up

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I’m not sure if “Humpty Dumpty” is a good nursery rhyme or not...

... I’m kinda on the fence about it.

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Told by a 5 year old boy live on local radio: Why did Mr humpty dumpy push Mrs humpty dumpy off the wall?

.....So he could see her crack....

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Why Humpty Dumpty so impartial about Christmas?

Because he's eggnostic...

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What did Humpty Dumpty say to his girlfriend when she said they were breaking up?

Is this some sort of yolk?

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The king's ego really took a hit when he couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

His men were walking on eggshells.

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All the King's Horses, and all the King's Men, couldn't put Humpty together again.

But really, the horses weren't being all that helpful.

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this might crack you up

Humpty Dumpty wanted to be cast as the lead for an upcoming remake of Casablanca. He made it through several rounds of auditions and was among the final pool of candidates.

At the end of the final day, the candidates joined the film staff in walking to a nearby Chinese restaurant for dinner.<...

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Just tell me mate

Ight guys I wanna make this guy mine and he loves jokes so tell me your best joke .

Well since this is a joke community I will tell a joke so the post won’t get deleted .

Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

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What do you call a one-night stand?

Humpty Dumpty.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some amended Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
"Pies, you dick...

Dad joke to his daughter

Daughter: How do they know Humpty Dumpty was an egg? They never mention that in the story.

Dad: You wouldn't understand sweety, it's an inside yolk.

Daughter: You crack me up Dad

Dad: Hey good one

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"I live life on the edge!"

-- Humpty Dumpty

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