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History Teacher Jokes

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My history teacher told me a joke about WW2 today...

If you have unknown troops in front of you and you want to find out who they are, fire a few rounds in their direction.

If you are met with precision machine gun fire, they’re German.

If you are met by a volley of precision rifle fire, they are British.

If they surrender, they’r...

I went for a job as a History Teacher once.

I changed my mind though. I couldn't see any future in it.

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My high school history teacher once gave me detention for inappropriate language.

All I did was call Oedipus a motherfucker.

My high school history teacher was a friggin liar!!!

She would say on a regular basis "history has a tendency to repeat it's self"

To this day I've never seen reruns of the news

I’m pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers

They only care about the dead

A true story that my history teacher told me

President Calvin Coolidge was famous for barely talking at all and not speaking to anyone. While campaigning, a woman encountered him on the street and excitedly said “Mr. President! My friend bet me $20 that I could get you to say three words!” Coolidge simply responded “You lose”

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When the new school year started, the history teacher was very excited because there were three Native American boys in her class.

She was beside herself with excitement. She asked the first boy to stand up and tell the class what tribe he is from and how he knows this.

The little boy stands up and proudly throws out his chest. He takes his fist and hits his chest, and says in a booming voice "I am a Cherokee. My father ...

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My history teacher told us that if a nuclear bomb was closely approaching, being flexible would be very helpful.

It's so that you can bend your body and kiss your ass goodbye.

My History teacher got so angry that I couldn't translate the sequence 50,1,5,1,500 into Roman Numerals

You could almost say he was Livid.

I used to wonder why my history teachers loved to teach about the Roman Empire so much. I think I get it now.

They both hated vandals and goths.

I made this joke up on the way home from work, sorry if it sucks: A history teacher tells a failing student that those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

Student: But history is so boring!

Teacher: Well, if you don't do better you'll be retaking it next year.

Student: What??

Teacher: I TOLD you, those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it!

TIFU by assigning a temporary history teacher to a math class

Oops, wrong sub

My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.

I got full marx.

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A history teacher offers Monday off to the first student who can answer a trivia question as they are leaving on Friday afternoon.

Teacher: "Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country' and in what year?"

Japanese Exchange Student: "It was most honorable President John F. Kennedy in 1961."

Teacher: "That is correct. You may have Monday off. The rest of you should be as...

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A boy comes home from school

A boy comes home from school:

Kid: Dad, math teacher wants to see you.

Dad: Why, what happened?

Kid: Today at class he asked me "What is 9x7?", I said 63. Then he asked me "What is 7x9?", I said "What the fuck is the difference?".

Dad thinks fair enough, says he will drop...

What do you call a Czechoslovakian government made of tightropes and skateboards?

A system of Czechs and balances!

Feel free to tell your history teacher, they'll probably laugh.

Popsicle

Me and Willard in the third grade got us a popsicle just as lunch was ending, We didn’t have time to eat em so we just stuck em in our pocket. Later in class the history teacher ask Willard. “If you’re from America you are an American, what are you if you are from Europe?” Willard looked confused...

History lesson for blondes

A history teacher has a class of 20 blondes. He asks to the class:

Can any one of you show me where America is on the map?

Nancy gets up, walks to the map and puts her finger exactly where America is.

Excellent, says the teacher. Now can anyone tell me who discovered...

K-N N-K

History Teacher:"Why are the Middle ages called the dark ages?"
John:"Because there were so many nights in them."

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