This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Japanese man were hired at a construction site.

The foreman shows them their task, which is to move a large pile of sand. He assigns each of the men their respective roles.

He points to the large, muscular Scotsman and says "You're in charge of shoveling".

He points to the moderately sized Italian and says "You're in charge of sweep...

Nicola Sturgeon is being shown around an Edinburgh hospital when one of the patients sits up in bed and exclaims:

"Fair fa' your honest sonsie face, great chieftain o' the pudden race!"

Before Nicola can respond, another patient responds: "Wee, sleekit, cowerin', timorous beastie! O what a panic's in thy breastie!"

while a third one chimes in with "Some hae meat and cannae eat, and some wad eat th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man walks into a bar with an Octopus

He puts the octopus on the bar and declares to everyone in the pub ‘£50 says this octopus can play any instrument’. First man steps up and places a trumpet in front of the Octopus, it immediately picks it up and plays it like Dizzy Gillespie. ‘That’s amazing’ says the man and duly pays his £50. Seco...

Two men are walking down the street when they notice an enormous hole

The hole appears bottomless and the men, being men, want to see how deep it is. They find an anvil near by, grab a side each, shuffle over to the hole and chuck it in. The anvil drops like a stone but makes absolutely no noise. The men look at each other with a puzzled expression. Suddenly they hear...

A Scottish man and his Korean wife take their daughter to the fair...

They walk around enjoying the sights, trying their best to blend in with the crowds. Their daughter sees a stage with a sign for a beauty pageant that says "Open entry, TRUE SCOTS ONLY!"

She drags her parents towards it, wanting to enter. They approach the official, asking how to sign her up ...

Whit's the differ atween a rich Scotsman, a puir Scotsman, an a deid Scotsman?

The rich Scotsman has a canopy ower his bed.

The puir Scotsman has a can o pee under his bed.

The deid Scotsman cannae pee at a'.

[If you need help: http://www.dsl.ac.uk/]

A Church in Ireland needed a bellringer...

...for their new belltower, so they put out an advert in the local paper.

*Bellringer needed for the dawn bell. Large bell, strength needed. Apply in person at the church*

Sure enough, the next day there is a knock on the door. Father Angus answers, eager to meet the applicant.
...

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