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Growing Up Jokes

For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa’s favorite joke when I was growing up: “Wanna hear a dirty joke?”

-A man fell in a mud puddle.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.

Edit: thank you for my first silver and gold

Edit 2: I really only expected maybe 1 comment, lol. This really kinda...

When I was growing up # was pound, not hashtag

Good thing it changed, since "pound metoo" would've been sending the wrong message

When she was growing up, everybody laughed when Amy Schumer said she wanted to be a comedian...

Nobody's laughing now.

awkward situation growing up

when he was 15 years old, his friend gave him condoms, just as a prank but he put the condoms aside, because he was only 15.

him and his friends were learning karate from a friend Mike, Mike was a black belt in Karate the rest of them learning from him were beginner yellow belts.

his ...

A young boy is listening to the radio in the car with his father. “Dad, what music did you like growing up?”

“I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin,” the father replies.

“Who?” the son asks.

“Yeah,” the dad responds, “I liked them too.”

A German boy never uttered a single word growing up.

Then ,one day, aged 5, while sitting at breakfast, he looked up from his plate and said in perfect German - 'The toast is burnt'...to which the family were amazed at. 'You can speak, that's amazing, why have you never spoken until now?'


He replied: 'There was nothing wrong until now'

Growing up, my dad said we should treat him like a god...

...so we pretty much ignored him until we were sick, hurt, or broke.

When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject...

These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

We were so poor growing up my Dad used to sing...

Hush little baby don't say a word
Daddy's going to steal you a mockingbird...

Growing up really humbles you.

I always dreamed of a big fancy sports car but now I'm okay with whichever runs me over.

Growing up, this so-called Mandela Effect didn't exist.

Or at least, that's how I remember it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was growing up...

...all my friends wanted to have sex with anything that moved.

“Why limit yourself?” I told them.

Growing up we were so poor...

Growing up we were so poor my brother and I had to share clothes.

And kids are so mean, at school they used to make fun of me ... especially when it wasn't my turn to wear the pants and underwear

When I was growing up, we didn't have all this body positivity nonsense.

We were ashamed of our bodies, the way God intended.

When I was growing up, my dad always used to tell me, "The sky is the limit"

He was never supportive of my dreams of becoming an astronaut.

When I was growing up, we were so poor...

We used to leave the front door open all night, hoping a thief would come in and drop something.

We were so poor when I was growing up

If I wasn't a boy, I'd have nothing to play with.

Obama smoked weed growing up and look where he is today

Unemployed, with two kids and recently evicted

We were so poor growing up

that for breakfast we had Ordinary K.

What was Rob Halfords favorite chore growing up?

Raking the lawn, Raking the lawn!

What's the difference between growing up and becoming a parent?

Growing up is realizing alcohol is not neccessary to have a good time.

Becoming a parent is realizing having a good time is not neccessary for needing alcohol.

My dads best piece of advice growing up was "you only get one chance to make a good first impression"

I've always gone with Schwarzenegger, it's recognisable and its always a crowd pleaser

Growing Up

My son, Bob, was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn't return home again until the February break.

When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now ...

Growing up as the youngest in my family, I constantly got beat up by the two oldest

mom and dad

We were so poor when I was growing up.....

That my dad bought me an air guitar for Christmas.

My friend was even less well off. He asked if he could have my old one!!!

The problem with growing up with trans parents

Is that you can't see them.

Growing Up

I used to have two kidneys. Then I grew up.

Now I have two adult knees.

I was so poor growing up and our house was so small that.

you could throw one rock through our front window and hit everyone in the house

When I was growing up there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet.

Nobody knew why.

I'm not racist my best friend growing up was black

Until my dad sold him

Growing up we didn't have a lot of money. I had to use a hand-me-down calculator with no multiplication symbol on it.

Times were tough

Growing up with a trans parent is hard

You barely ever get to see them

What game did Sherlock play growing up?

Mycroft

Growing up, I was so bright

my mom called me Sun.

I was so poor growing up, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper…

Now those days are behind me…

Pretty sure my parents room growing up was haunted

I kept hearing moaning sounds come out of it at night

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Y’know I used to hate my tits when I was growing up.

They’ve grown on me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW Growing up, I could never tell where my dick ended and my balls began...

But now I know there's a vas deferens between the two.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Growing up, if I wanted to see woman's underwear in the Sears catalog, I did it at a buddy's house

because my asshole brother kept gluing the pages togeather in ours.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Growing up in the south , my dad told me to never date a virgin

He told me if they ain't good enough for their family, then they aren't good enough for ours.

Growing up I wanted to famous for painting prisoners...

But my mother told me I couldn't; she said there's no good money in becoming a con artist.

When I was growing up my Mum always use to wash my hair in lager

It wasn't until many years later that I realized I had been fostered......

Name one truth you've learnt after growing up

Grown ups are good at lying

Kids these days have no idea how good it was growing up in the 90s!

(born on December 31st, 1999)

I am very upset with my mom. When I was growing up she told me, "You can be whoever you want to be."

That's not true. Turns out Identity Theft is a crime!

I was mostly a sheltered kid growing up.

My parents only made me sleep outside sometimes.

My parents never let me listen to classical or jazz music growing up.

Too much sax and violins.

The worst part about growing up in the south

was asking my parents for their blessing to marry their daughter

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was growing up I accidentally walked in on my parents having sex

That was the most awkward 30 minutes of my life

When the bass player from the red hot chili peppers was growing up...

he only saw his father at Christmas time, because his work digging the railways of Mexico kept him away from home most of the year. To deal with missing his father he wrote a song about him which his father loved and used to play to his fellow workers when he returned to Mexico. As a result the song...

Growing up my mom sacrificed at lot for me..

It was mostly goats and sheep....

Growing up in a colony, the nuns told me to never turn your back on a priest.

I mean, there's a reason why they became missionaries.

While growing up, Thor was always grandstanding and making a scene.

But his brother remained low key.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Australian kids are exposed to male genitals a lot growing up.

By the time they reach 18, they've definitely seen a cockatoo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a zoomer growing up in this generation. I'm so fucked

And I'll still die a virgin

I had it rough growing up. No friends, at all...

It was just me and Black Bart,

My imaginary enemy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to watch movies with my friend when we’re growing up.

One thing I don’t really get is how he used to adore who I hate. Johnny in The Karate Kid, Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter, Gaston in Beauty and the Beast. They are the definition of a bully.

He just came out last week. No wonder he likes assholes, he’s gay.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Growing up my mom was worried I get into sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

At least she got the drugs and rock and roll part right.

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