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Edna Jokes

Jim and Edna are both mental patients. One day Jim jumps into the swimming pool but, doesn't come up for air. Quick as a flash, Edna sees her friend in trouble, so dives in and pulls him out.

Later, the hospital director calls Edna into his office and sayes "Edna, Ive got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we are releasing you as you are obviously sane 'saving anothers life'. But unfortunately, the bad news is that Jim hanged himself in the bathroom ..."
"Oh no' Edna ...

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out....

Earl and his wife, Edna, went to the state fair every year, and every year, Edna would say,

“Earl, I’d like to ride in that helicopter”

Earl always replied, “I know Honey, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks.”

One year Earl and Edna went to the fair and Edna said ,”Earl, I’m 85 years old and if I don’t ride that helicopter I might never get...

Edna Mode has been to fashion shows across the global, but there’s one place she will never visit…

Cape Town

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandma Edna had to get a job...

...so she applied and was hired at the toy factory where they make Tickle-Me Elmo dolls. She was led to her station near the end of the assembly line where the foreman told her what was expected of her.

A couple hours later, the foreman came back to check on her. He stood behind her and o...

After a long and serious operation, Edna ended up in a coma.

Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news, "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid."

The doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice. Ralph looked at...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Edna and the Post Office

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about..

The letter read: Dear God, I am an ...

Dorthy and Edna...

...two "senior" widows, are talking.

Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M.,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man spoke to his wife

He said "Edna, I've witnessed a miracle! Last night when I got up to go to the bathroom, GOD turned the light on for me! And when I was finished, He turned the light off!"

And his wife said, "Harry, you're pissing in the fridge again!"

My friend Jack …

… woke up on January 1st 2021, glanced over at his wife Edna and was suprised to see that she looked weirdly pixelated.


“Oh my god!” he yelped with a look of confusion and growing concern on his face, “What happened last night?!”


Seeing his expression, Edna reached over to ...

I just took three grams

Looks like Myrtle, Edna, and Phyllis won't be making it to Thanksgiving this year.

I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, De...

Three old grannies are on a park bench when a very attractive naked young man runs by in front of them.

The three old ladies, who hadn't had action in decades, fixed their eyes on the handsome hunk and gasped.

Janice pressed her hand on her heart and said, "wow, that whippersnapper damn near gave me a heart attack."

Edna, rubbing her neck, added, "I almost had an asthma attack!"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two elderly ladies were sitting around complaining about things.

Mertle: "I can't stand when people shorten names that don't make sense. I mean, I get Bob from Robert and Dave from David, but how do you get Dick from Richard?"

Edna: "If you ask him nicely."

Ten dollars is ten dollars

A married couple, Edna and Phil, go to the county fair every spring, and every year there's a stunt plane that goes above the fair and flies around doing tricks and whatnot for only ten dollars. Every year Phil asks if they can do it, but every year Edna says the same thing, "Ten dollars is ten doll...

Cape Town

Edna must really hate it there

A guy walks into a brothel...

“I’d like to have a girl.”

The madame gets on the loudspeaker:

“Harry- lube up Sarah!”

“That’ll be $40.”

“I don’t have that much.”

“Harry- forget it! Lube up Tonya!”

“That’ll be $20.”

“I don’t have that much either.”

“Harry- forget it! ...

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