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Bob came home drunk one night, slid into his bed, and fell into a deep sleep.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates,, where St. Peter, said, "You died in your sleep, Bob."

Bob was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"

St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken."


Deep sleep prevents aging.

Especially when you are driving.

Some sea mammals sleep with half their brain in deep sleep and the other half wide awake

This was developed as an evolutionary mechanism for survival, but biologists have documented a similar mechanism in workers at the DMV

A late night booty call woke me from a deep sleep...

that damn cricket better have got some!

An Indian shop owner is on his deathbed in hospital.

An Indian shop owner is on his deathbed in hospital. His family comes to visit him as he his waking up from a deep sleep. He looks around the room in a daze and calls out to them.

"Padma, my beautiful wife, are you here"
"Yes I am here my husband", she says

"Kajol, my daughter, are...

Sleep patterns are fascinating.

There's light sleep, where your heart rate slows; deep sleep, where you can't easily be wakened; and REM sleep, where you lose your religion.

A child wasn't toilet trained yet.

Whenever he used to go out with his mother, he would always say, "Mom, I wanna pee!", "Mom, I wanna pee!" His mother would quickly take him to a public toilet or to the bushes or something, so that he stops saying that.

Now obviously the mother used to feel embarrassed, since everyone around ...

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Good sex or bad sex?

Two women are talking:

โ€œHow was the sex last night?โ€ one asks.

โ€œA catastrophe! My husband came from work, had dinner in 3 minutes, after we had 4 minutes sex, he was deep sleep 2 minutes after! That fucker! And yours, How was it? โ€œ

โ€My, was AMAZING! My husband took me out for a...

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What is Politics?

Little Johnny asked his father:

\- Dad, what is politics?

\- I cannot explain it to you very well, but I'll try. Because I'm the one who brings money home, I am the Capitalism. Your mother, because she's the one who spends the money, is the Government. Because your mother and I take ca...

A group of friends are drinking at a neighborhood bar.

At closing time, one by one each friend says goodbye and leaves. The last man in the bar finishes his drink stands up and takes a step towards the door, He immediately falls flat on his face.

Lying on the floor he mumbles to himself "Dang, I must be more drunk than I thought. Maybe if I craw...

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This guy wakes up

out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, eh?" She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back ...

A driver, tired from a long drive, drives into a park for some rest

It's early in the morning and he's about to fall asleep when he's woken by a knock on the door. Its a jogger. He says 'Excuse me sir, do you know the time?' The driver looks at his car clock and says sleepily 'It's 5:00'. The jogger thanks him and leaves.

He's just nodding off again when ther...

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So Adam and Sarah partyed all night....

And in the morning, it was saturday and they had to go to sunday school.
Adam was wide awake but sarah was still hella tired.
They get there and Sarah immediately fell asleep as soon as the priest started talking. He eventually decided to give a pop quiz. He asked the first question.

Last night ...

I was woken out of a deep sleep by pounding on my front door and the neighbor's wife screaming "help!"

So I went downstairs, unlocked the front door, and let her out so she could go home!

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

April in Sunday School

April wasn't the best in Sunday school, she would always sleep through class. But one day, the teacher asked her "Who created the universe?" so a fellow student named Johnny poked her with a pin, causing her to jump up in surprise and shout "God Almighty!" so the teacher said "Very good!", before Ap...

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