Trump says: "The Continental Army… manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over airports, it did everything it had to do." What, you don't believe they took over airports?

Surely you've heard of the Jefferson Airplane?

All of the states in the continental US got together for a party. The only rule was that each state could only hang out with the states it borders. Everybody was having fun except for one state who said

"Is everyone else stuck talking to only one state, or is it just ME?"

I recently drove through Dallas in a Lincoln Continental

The guy in the back was really nervous for some reason.

What did the one continental plate say to the other after the earthquake?

Not MY fault.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sold my new Lincoln continental to Matthew Mcconaughy and he brought it back an hour later.....

He was pissed that the car couldn’t turn left, it just goes all right, all right, all right.

I went to a hotel that had continental breakfast

Unfortunately the continent was Africa so all I got was an empty plate

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a woman who had never met before but were both married to other people found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a trans-continental train...

though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1 a.m., the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the clos...

Brexit fallout: my French Toast has just surrendered to my English Muffins. Germany is sending in the Luftwaffle... these events could engulf the entire continental breakfast.

and my Irish coffee is drunk. Again.

Trans-continental blonde ....

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

Why did Karl Marx like going to continental Europe so much?

Because they did not have proper tea.

A Frenchman, an Italian and a Bulgarian were on a trans-continental flight over Europe.

"Aha!" exclaims the Frenchman. "We're over my homeland of France right now!" The other two asked him how he knows - "If you do some simple math it's easy to figure out."

A while passes "Aha!" exclaims Italian "NOW we're approaching my hometown." When asked how he knows he says "I know those m...

The Hairdresser

A New York woman was at her East Side hairdresser's getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go Rome? It's crowded and dirty and, worse yet, full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Ro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Asian man goes to the eye doctor.

Doctor says"You have a cateract." Asian man says "No, I have a rincoln continental."

A Chinaman goes to see the eye doctor...

After the exam the doctor said, "I know why you're having trouble." The Chinaman says, "why?" Doctor said, "you have a cataract." Chinaman says, "no, I have a Rincoln Continental."

A man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

The man says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The loans officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys and documents of a new Bentley Continental, parked on the street in front of the bank. Every...

Where does the ocean store its stuff?

On the Continental shelf.

A few of my friends took a road trip from Iowa to California

Things were great as they drove through Nebraska. But driving through Wyoming was a disaster! First, one of them got sick and they had to pull over. Then they got to the Great Continental Divide and it was all downhill from there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 1941, a German boy named Hans was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

"Father, where's the United States?" asked Hans. His father pointed on a map to the continental nation in North America.

"And I'm told we're already at war with Russia," the curious lad continued...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Co-Pilot's purpose...

Many years ago on a long Trans-Continental flight, an elderly lady asked if she could visit the cockpit. When she got up there, she found four crew.

She asked the first what he did, and he explained that he was the Navigator and his responsibilities were to keep the aircraft on its track acr...

My dad told me today that we're distantly related to the Fugarwii Tribe of Native Americans.

This tribe was nomadic, and would wander all over the continental US. Unfortunately, as a tribe, they had a terrible sense of direction and would often get horribly lost.
The Fugarwii had scouts who's soul purpose was to remedy this: they would scout about, find the tallest mountain they could, ...

(From Grandpa RIP) A Chinaman walks into an optometrist’s office. The optometrist says, “Well it seems like you have a cataract.”

The chinaman says “Nooooo, I drive a Rincoln Continental”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An asian man walks into an optometrist's office...

An asian man walks into an optometrist's office and gets his eyes checked out. After the test is over the optometrist says "you've got a cataract". To which the asian man replies "a cataract?! no no. Ive got a rincoln continental!"

I liked it better when Donald Trump used to say "you're fired" to people

instead of to inter-continental ballistic missiles.

Philosophy joke

An instructor was introducing a class of freshmen philosophy majors to academic life. Before the end of the presentation, the instructor thought she would be nice and let the students avoid falling into conflict early on and so she said: "You have to be careful when meeting the professors to not mix...

Are tectonic plates dishwasher safe?

IDK but they're perfect for a continental breakfast.

- that's some faulty humour -




Source:
http://lustyyouth.tumblr.com/post/119359329507/affectionateghostie-maddoraptor-edwrad

An Asian goes to the optometrist...

The optometrist says, after a moment or two: "I see what the problem is...you have a cataract."
The Asian immediately replies: "no no, it's a Rincon Continental."

What does the earth eat for breakfast?

Continental breakfast, served on tectonic plates.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly asian man gets into a car accident and has to re-do his eye exam for the DMV.

He fails, and goes to the doctor. While examining him, the doctor says "well, I can see the problem here. You have cataracts." The old man responds, "I don't have cataract! I have rincoln continental!"

Asian eye problems

So a Chinese man is having trouble with one of his eyes and goes to see the optometrist. When the testing is over, the optometrist tells the man, "I'm sorry, you have a cataract" in which the Chinese man replies "No I dont! I have a rinkoln continental!"

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