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Coff Jokes

A waiter gives a man a cup of coffe

The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out;and says “Waiter this coffee tastes like mud.”

The waiter looking surprised replies “ Yessir it was ground this morning.”

What do you call a sick cup of coffe?

A coughy mug

So an Australian walks ito a cafe and orders coffe

The barista says “want any creamer”

The Australian replies “Just coffee, mate”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad and I were in a hotel and he tried the coffe...

... and smiled and said "Ahh, it's like making love in a canoe". I asked "it's that good?" and he stopped smiling and looked me in the eyes and said "no, it's fucking close to water" before pouring it down the drain.

Do you know the difference between a potty and a coffe pot?

No? Don't you ever invite me for coffee!

I went to the doctors and said

"every time I drink a cup of tea or coffe, I get a shooting pain in my eye"

Doctors said "just take the spoon out the cup next time".

Indian taxi driver

A drunken, totally naked, woman jumped into a taxi at Park Beach Plaza in Coffs Harbour.

The Indian driver shook his head, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.

He made no attempt to start the cab.

"What are you staring at, Luv, haven't you ever seen a woman with no clot...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has been drinking alone all day at a bar...

And checks his clock.

"1:30am, fuck. I need to go home now or my wife's going to ripp my balls off" - Thinks to himself.

But as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly to the floor.

"I'm just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up"

So he asks the barman for a coffe...

Apparently the Republican party are considering banning coffee...

Part of their war on woke.

The Old Coffin

A man was walking home one day after a long day of work. As he was walking, he came up on a old coffin laying on the side of the trail. He thought it was odd because it was a old pine box coffin and he had never seen one in person before. The man shrugged it off and kept walking.

The man kept...

An old man used to call his wife "mother of six" since they had 6 children and this nickname kinda annoyed her

"Mother of six, could you bring my coffe?" He would yell to her from the living room.

"Mother of six, is dinner ready?" He would say every night just to mess with her, as he laughed.

She was becoming really angry at him because of this unwanted nickname, until Thanksgiving, where the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Poor man

Three men sat outside of a coffe shop in a spanish town, two of them are rich and the third is poor. As they sat there drinking their coffes a very attractive lady walks up to them and asks what they would give to sleep with her. The first rich man says "I would buy you a yacht, a sports car and a c...

What's black and doesn't work?

Decaf coffe... you racist

My girlfriend: "Did you forget to turn on the dishwasher?"

Me: *sipping coffe from a vase*
"No, why?"

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffe before it was cool.

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The one who can carry a cup of coffe in each hand and the most donuts.
Now who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
The one who can eat the last donut.

Ole and Sven are on da lake fishin...

(Read in a Norwegian accent)

So Ole and Sven are on da lake fishin and da fish are bitin pretty good, but when Sven sets da hook, he falls overboard. Sven can't svim you see, so Ole jumps in da lake after 'im.

It's pretty dark down d'ere but Ole is feeling along the bottom and he sudd...

Guy has a bad eye pain

Guy has a bad eye pain, he goes to the doctor and explains the strange pain he gets in his eye everytime he drinks coffe. Sometimes his left others times his right eye.

The doctor finds nothing worng, he suggests an excercise where he will have coffee and all the extras in his office , then ...

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